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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My in laws want to visit us on our camping trip

137 replies

ConnectFortyFour · 27/08/2020 14:47

we're booked to go camping with the kids on the bank holiday weekend about an hour away from our home. Like most people, have had a bit of an odd year cooped up in the house and looking forward to a change of scene.

DH saw his parents (they live nearish) and they asked all about it including the name of the campsite. they then said 'oh, we'll visit you, we'd love to see that part of the world'.

DH was vague, non committal as I wasn't there and asked me later what i thought. i said i'd rather they didn't come as we hadn't invited them. we both now think that if we do nothing they will just turn up at the campsite as they have the name of it and are real 'dropper inners' (this is a back story which i've posted about before).

i'm really pissed off as we never invited them but DH thinks that if we explicitly tell them not to come we're being 'mean and ungrateful'.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DidoAtTheLido · 27/08/2020 19:56

Crosstalk it drives me whacky! Thankfully the ILs are a long plane ride away. Also they lived here for 20 years so they know that other people like space or at least a warning phone call.

diddl when we are there, it would simply be incomprehensible to some of the family. It would be like telling them you didn’t need to breathe air. They are incredibly generous, with time, help, food etc. They are communal like bees in a hive are communal. All for one and one for all.

IdblowJonSnow · 27/08/2020 21:16

@DidoAtTheLido
That would drive me nuts! It's just a very personal thing isnt it.
I do like people (honest) but I sometimes need to be in the mood for people and need more me-time than anyone I know because lots of interaction makes me feel really tired. Especially as I've got older.

Elloello · 28/08/2020 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nellisterr · 28/08/2020 17:49

I very much doubt the campsite will allow visitors. We have been in the caravan a few times since the lockdown lifted, and not once visitors were allowed. In fact, MIL is coming for a day out but not allowed to come to the caravan! There's your excuse!

Budgies1978 · 28/08/2020 17:54

My in-laws do this to us, it really annoys me. We see them at least once a week so why turn up and ruin a day of our holiday?! If your husband is like mine, he won’t want to upset his mum so will just go along with it 🤦‍♀️

NoSquirrels · 28/08/2020 18:02

I think it’s your DH with the terrible manner, rather than your ILs. He never invites them over or arranges a day out to see them. So their only option to see their son and grandchildren is to pop in unannounced (or angle for an invite) because they’re never invited.

You’re not wrong about the campsite issue but you and your DH need to sort out the more general issue.

Tiredwiththeshits · 28/08/2020 18:13

I would invite them for a bbq and give them a time like would love for you to join us on .... whatever day.... about 2 ish for a bbq TIL about 5 ish would be great!

Jeeperscreepers69 · 28/08/2020 18:14

Wow how mean. Id have the kettle on and cakes out. You sound so spiteful. Bet the kids would love to see grandparents. They need a appointment to visit you???

GinPin2 · 28/08/2020 18:17

@ConnectFortyFour

the no visitors thing might be my saving grace
Our campsite did not allow visitors in Cornwall, nor did my daughter's in Wareham ( Dorset ) and as others have messaged this as well I think you could find your campsite has that rule as well.
altiara · 28/08/2020 18:30

I hope your DC don't end up marrying someone who'd put a stop to you seeing them if they wanted to see you!

Pretty sure OP won’t be turning up uninvited on her DCs family holiday, she’d just organise a mutually convenient date to see DC like most people.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 28/08/2020 19:00

tell them unless they are staying they can't visit the site due to COVID

MsTSwift · 28/08/2020 19:24

In Spain they seem to do everything en masse. Dd went on exchange there they kindly dropped her with us at local airport - if it was the other way round dh or I would have gone. We arrived at the airport to see dd in a huge crowd - the whole extended family haf come to see her off! Thought it was sweet tbh

Penguinnn · 28/08/2020 19:26

@altiara

I hope your DC don't end up marrying someone who'd put a stop to you seeing them if they wanted to see you!

Pretty sure OP won’t be turning up uninvited on her DCs family holiday, she’d just organise a mutually convenient date to see DC like most people.

That may be normal to you but for me and my family it’s totally normal to go and visit someone on their holiday if it’s not too far of a drive, we have done this many times. However, we’ve always been invited maybe that’s the difference.
Ferrisbuellersdayoff · 28/08/2020 20:39

We've been to three camp sites this summer. All forbade visitors because of Covid.

spriggit · 29/08/2020 00:07

Site we have just come back from had a no visitors allowed policy due to covid. If they did come they had to give their details at reception and be in the restaurant only. They were not allowed back to our pitch. Hope this helps x

Mothership4two · 29/08/2020 00:17

@CeibaTree:

I hope your DC don't end up marrying someone who'd put a stop to you seeing them if they wanted to see you!

If you RTWT you would see that OP said to DH they could invite them the following weekend and they see them most weeks usually. She isn't instituting a lifetime ban, she just doesn't want them turning up uninvited on her holiday.

snitzelvoncrumb · 29/08/2020 00:31

Let them visit, you can stay at the site and relax while DH takes them out with the kids.

alexdgr8 · 29/08/2020 00:35

@snitzelvoncrumb

Let them visit, you can stay at the site and relax while DH takes them out with the kids.
that's not much of a holiday activity for op; staying alone on a campsite.
snitzelvoncrumb · 29/08/2020 00:37

It might be, op can eat all the treats and relax in the sun.

alexdgr8 · 29/08/2020 00:39

you know the more i think about it, the more i realise this is the kind of thing that should be covered in marriage preparation courses.
i know some churches need 6 months notice, and to do the course.
there should be a whole chunk on expectations re relations with wider family, esp ILs.

alexdgr8 · 29/08/2020 00:43

but what she want is to be able to give/share her undivided attention and spend fun time with her husband and children.
with no other calls on her, no other responsibilities, expectations.
to be able to relax totally. without onlookers. people she has to be polite to.
it's not much to ask.

Mothership4two · 29/08/2020 00:51

It's rude to invite yourself on someone else's holiday, no matter who they are, without actually asking them or getting an invite. And doubly so when they are only going for the weekend. Basically, from the sound of it, they are going to take up a third of OP's holiday

amitoooldforthisshit · 29/08/2020 01:26

just say you want to relax and recharge and it be better if they didn't come and organize a get together at a later time

JohnMac85 · 29/08/2020 07:00

They obviously like you if they think it's OK to visit. Are you pleasant to their face but really don't like them or something?

Igotthemheavyboobs · 29/08/2020 07:22

Seriously? Thus thread is rediculous! Of course OP is entitled to spend a few days with just her husband and children! It doesn't mean she secretly hates her in laws fgs. When I go on holiday, I like the freedom to not make plans with other people. That doesn't mean I hate all my friends/family, just that I like to holiday without them 🙄