Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find my mother's obsession with being "posh" really bloody annoying

179 replies

EmilyRH · 27/08/2020 13:09

My mother seems to have an obsession with everyone thinking she is "posh" and I'm starting to find it really bloody annoying. This morning she asked to take my son to McDonald's next week (his naughty favourite!) and I made a joke asking if she was getting me McDonald's too Grin her response, "You can eat in the rough McDonald's where you live, I will take DS to the posh McDonald's around my area." There is a posh McDonald's? 😂 She is constantly telling everyone how nice the area she lives in is (and how not nice mine is!), how the people are "just different" where she lives, how they dress better, etc. I've noticed when we go out, she will be very polite to staff if we are eating in a fancy restaurant, but rude and ignorant to staff in a fast food place, for example. This really bothers me. I've tried to ignore it over the years but she seems to be getting worse. Why is she so fixated on people thinking she is some kind of upper class?! The irony is, she was on benefits my whole childhood!

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 27/08/2020 13:11

Do you ever say anything to her about it?

ZaraW · 27/08/2020 13:12

Is she on MN? She will fit right in with the posters who are/want to be middle class and pass judgement on what they consider to be tacky/common.

Original poster
EmilyRH · 27/08/2020 13:12

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Do you ever say anything to her about it?
I have, yes. No change to her behaviour.
OP posts:
BanjoStarz · 27/08/2020 13:17

Have you pointed out to her that belittling people for being “socially inferior” and being rude to waiting staff is so crass that it’s literally the opposite of “posh”?

YANBU though, I wouldn’t be happy being around her if she was treating people like that.

Wolfgirrl · 27/08/2020 13:19

I would just call her out in it loudly in your local McD's. When she is queuing, shout across to her 'Mum, so-and-so is filling out an application for benefits, she wants to know if you can help her? Is it difficult?'

AuldFox · 27/08/2020 13:21

Is her last name Bucket?

Echobelly · 27/08/2020 13:22

Yup, people with genuine 'class' don't speak down to those who might be seen as 'lower class' than they are - they are relaxed and polite with everyone.

Your mum sounds very insecure - maybe she's making up for the living on benefits thing and feels she has to make clear the huge, yawning gulf between her and a fast-food server.

Maybe you need to let her know she doesn't have to be like she is; she doesn't need to prove anything to anyone and she'll be happier if she learns to relax and not have to put on a show for anyone.

Ohtherewearethen · 27/08/2020 13:24

This would annoy me too. I think you just have to keep commenting on it. If she's rude to a person in a fast food restaurant ask her if she thinks that was what a well-bred member of the upper classes would do, or make a comment along the lines of, well at least they're working to pay their bills. Laugh at her perceived poshness as it sounds like she frequently gets if 'wrong'. It could come from insecurity on her part.

TweetUsOnFacebook · 27/08/2020 13:25

Does she have candlelight suppers? Grin

zingally · 27/08/2020 13:26

People with actual class would never DREAM of commenting on it.

Watermama · 27/08/2020 13:28

She sounds like my granny! 0 out of 7 of her children socialise in public with her.
I often feel like it comes from deep insecurity.

DancingCatGif · 27/08/2020 13:29

I'd give her a break tbh, bringing a child up on benefits she probably felt really judged and has a complex about it now. We were pretty poor growing up but going to university somewhat inured me from worrying too much about looking poor. My mum, on the other hand, is constantly fretting that people will judge her.

Just ignore her comments. Why make her feel even more self conscious? That will just make it worse, I'd say.

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/08/2020 13:31

I think it's a security thing. She has to reassure herself that, even though she was on benefits, she has now risen above that. And the only way to do that is to find people to look down on.

My mum used to have moments of what I call 'social inflation' too. She would look down on her SIL for 'putting on a false posh accent' and yet refuse to shop in Tesco because it was 'common'.

chatwoo · 27/08/2020 13:32

Grin at posh Maccers!

Ohtherewearethen · 27/08/2020 13:32

@DancingCatGif - I agree with most of your comment completely but I'm afraid I can't agree with not commenting when her mum is rude to others. You should never put someone else down to make yourself look or feel better.

seayork2020 · 27/08/2020 13:32

If it causes actual issues I would say something otherwise I would move on and leave her to her opinions

JoJoSM2 · 27/08/2020 13:33

She sounds like a comedy character but I can completely see that it can get a bit much after a while and downright embarrassing if you’re related.

Thedogscollar · 27/08/2020 13:33

100% what zingally posted. Why don't you show her this thread. It might just make her realise how her behaviour is affecting you.

winterisstillcoming · 27/08/2020 13:33

She's not posh, she's rude! Call her out on it.

minnieok · 27/08/2020 13:34

I've encountered too many people like your mum, my aunt in particular. Despite barely seeing her as an adult she would brag about me and my family to her friends and ignored her own son because I had married "well" was academically successfully and my DD's had nice middle class hobbies.

Emmelina · 27/08/2020 13:34

Hyacinth Bucket springs to mind!

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2020 13:35

If she was on benefits your entire child hood it’s possible she struggled, and felt looked down upon, or ashamed, even if she wasn’t, or shouldn’t have been. So now she’s trying to big herself up and not appear to be in that bracket any more.

I’d say this is an over hang from when you were growing up.

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/08/2020 13:37

There are no posh McDonalds. I’d find your mum’s pretensions and rudeness annoying too. YANBU

percheron67 · 27/08/2020 13:37

A "posh" McDonalds"? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

billy1966 · 27/08/2020 13:39

OP, I would allow her to twitter on and ignore her, tedious though it sounds.

However, I would tell her very clearly when she attempts to be rude to waiting staff that you are leaving if she continues.

That is completely unacceptable and I couldn't sit through it.

You could also remark to her how rough and uncouth she sounds when she is rude to staff....which she is...🤷‍♀️