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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find my mother's obsession with being "posh" really bloody annoying

179 replies

EmilyRH · 27/08/2020 13:09

My mother seems to have an obsession with everyone thinking she is "posh" and I'm starting to find it really bloody annoying. This morning she asked to take my son to McDonald's next week (his naughty favourite!) and I made a joke asking if she was getting me McDonald's too Grin her response, "You can eat in the rough McDonald's where you live, I will take DS to the posh McDonald's around my area." There is a posh McDonald's? 😂 She is constantly telling everyone how nice the area she lives in is (and how not nice mine is!), how the people are "just different" where she lives, how they dress better, etc. I've noticed when we go out, she will be very polite to staff if we are eating in a fancy restaurant, but rude and ignorant to staff in a fast food place, for example. This really bothers me. I've tried to ignore it over the years but she seems to be getting worse. Why is she so fixated on people thinking she is some kind of upper class?! The irony is, she was on benefits my whole childhood!

OP posts:
Icantrememebrtheartist · 27/08/2020 15:32

Must just recommend a programme called The Windsor’s! It’s a huge mickey take of the Royal family and pokes fun at the British class system and the Royals..

LakieLady · 27/08/2020 15:33

By definition anyone who brags about being "posh" isn't. Might just be worth dropping that into the conversation

So true!

Years ago, one of the other members of the Labour party in my area was a young guy who had really lovely manners. He was very down to earth, but didn't have the local Sarf Lahndahn accent and had been to a good uni.

I commented one day on what nice manners he had, and was told "Yes, especially considering his background".

Turns out his father was a viscount.

Charmatt · 27/08/2020 15:34

My MIL is the same, except she is always trying to score points with her sister. Her sister was asking us if we had a big back garden (family aren't particularly close and we don't see them except for weddings, funerals, etc). I told her we were lucky living in a corner because we had very little front garden but privacy because the back garden was a decent size.

.....My MIL chips in with, 'and they've got an orchard!'

We have 3 fruit trees in the back garden! Grin, but now everytime my OH mows the lawn, he announces to me that he may be some time as he has to mow the orchard as well!

krustykittens · 27/08/2020 15:35

To be fair, the McDonalds in Bath had leatherette seating when we lived there, we thought that was well posh Grin. My mother was a nightmare for thinking she was 'posh', always sneering and looking down at someone despite the fact that we are as working class as it gets, (grandparents worked in mills and on farms, both my parents left school at 15, we lived in council housing, etc). As a child I had a list of things I couldn't say if I ever had to go to her work place (legal secretary) in case the solicitors she worked with rumbled we were not middle class. Yet herself and my stepfather indulged in some really scummy behaviour. Another reason why I am glad we are NC.

Tasje · 27/08/2020 15:39

I don't think you're being unreasonable, it sounds like a really unhealthy way to interact with others. Perhaps her focus on being posh is driven by insecurity eg she felt looked down upon when she was on benefits and now wants to feel like she belongs with the posh crowd?

CoronaBollox · 27/08/2020 15:42

Oh god sorry OP but those types are the worst. If you have to repeatedly tell people you are or the things you do/eat are posh then chances are you're not. Chances are the common folk they sneer at are probably much more content in who they are.

Hullo · 27/08/2020 15:45

@Icantrememebrtheartist

Must just recommend a programme called The Windsor’s! It’s a huge mickey take of the Royal family and pokes fun at the British class system and the Royals..
Love the show. Wonder why they haven't continued with it?
cdtaylornats · 27/08/2020 15:47

Posh McDonalds

To find my mother's obsession with being "posh" really bloody annoying
portico · 27/08/2020 15:48

Lol

nogoodsolution · 27/08/2020 16:00

@zingally

People with actual class would never DREAM of commenting on it.
This.
MrsMayo · 27/08/2020 16:01

We have 3 fruit trees in the back garden!, but now everytime my OH mows the lawn, he announces to me that he may be some time as he has to mow the orchard as well!

Grin
2bazookas · 27/08/2020 16:12

Your son is your secret weapon to de-posh her . Get him one of those half-shave haircuts, stick on some sleeve tattoos, and pay him a fiver to swear loudly, fart, belch, grunt , shrug, eyeroll and generally behave unlike a poshboi.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 27/08/2020 16:17

Last time we visited London, we said we’d visited a charming restaurant in Kensington.

Yes, McDonalds has a branch there. The Big Mac was simply exquisite, darling.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 27/08/2020 16:18

I'll never condone looking down on others, but have to admit some Maccy Ds are better than others.

Ironically my favourite, although I've not been there post covid used to be a really quiet one near a train station where I could drink tea and get on with some work without interruptions. I commented once to the lady who was cleaning the tables how pleasant it was and she said a lot of people said similar. She also told me that It used to be really busy, but then the noisy mums & toddlers moved to the big costa in the retail park, and Maccy D's became a wee sanctuary.

I expect the Mum's coffee groups thought they had more class than us folk hiding in Mcdonalds with our laptops. Grin

MoreListeningLessChatting · 27/08/2020 16:20

Is she still on benefits? You said she was your entire childhood or is she 'retired' now? Just wondered.

She sounds quite unusual. I feel for you

Graphista · 27/08/2020 16:27

For starters I’d be pointing out to her that GENUINELY Classy/posh people treat EVERYONE with the same level of respect regardless of who they are.

I have friends from all walks of life including one v “posh” guy who is from a very well to do noble family - he wouldn’t dream of treating people badly or rudely purely because they worked in a fast food place or similar.

Hell I am no royalist but publicly at least the queen and the majority of royals (with some known exceptions) also treat everyone they meet respectfully to the best of my knowledge.

That’s not knowledge just from the media either, certain jobs I’ve had have meant I’ve met a few as has my dad and my ex and We’ve witnessed them putting people at ease, listening politely etc

Certain ones are known to be arses but that’s nothing to do with class but how they are personally.

You’re also slightly guilty of this yourself - I’ve known several posh people who’ve at points needed to claim benefits.

But you’re right she’s being a dick! I’d be giving her a look every time she did it and where necessary apologising for her rudeness!

Because THAT is what she is being - rude and insulting!

I’ve also a relative who with his “new” friends (“new” in quote marks as I’m meaning those he’s made as an adult and he’s in his 60’s now!) has completely rewritten his history. He grew up very poor in a very well known as “rough” part of glasgow, even outside of Scotland it has this reputation, as an adult managed - through more luck than anything - to get a very good job and marry someone “posh” and now lives and raised his children in a very posh place just outside of glasgow. He is FURIOUS with anyone who corrects him when he is blatantly denying his true background and especially when he’s being an arse to those he now considers “beneath him”. There’s been some...interesting incidents when he’s bumped into eg people he went to school with who are surprised and comment on his ridiculous fake posh accent/mannerisms - I’m sure you can guess the type of reaction! He once fell out with a close family member for months because they dared to mention where he grew up in front of a colleague of his (who couldn’t have cared less!) pathetic!!

I take very little to do with him now it’s not worth the hassle to be honest. The irony being at points they have wanted to “show me off” as I was the first in the family to go to uni and was lucky enough to go to one that has a good reputation. Made me extremely uncomfortable! That’s no longer a problem though as now they’re ashamed of me and make that clear - why? Because I’m unemployed due to serious mental illness and on benefits! Things he has made very clear to me when I've attended events of his where certain "posh" friends and workplaces were attending that he didn't want me to mention to the point of expecting me to lie eg when asked "so what do you do?" - job wise Dick!

Most of the people who work in fast-food restaurants and lots of retailers are students. They can be students in anything so she better be careful being obnoxious to them as if she's memorable she doesn't know where she will meet them next.... very true

When I was at uni I knew quite a few fellow students who worked in Maccys/kfc/walkabout pubs etc who are now lawyers, drs, architects etc

Graphista · 27/08/2020 16:30

That should say work colleagues not work places - offices aren't at his bbqs! Grin

June628 · 27/08/2020 16:33

OP this is so funny my mum is the same! She puts on a really fake posh accent nowadays and criticises me for the way I pronounce words and pretends not to understand me? It really irritates me but what can you do! Some people just like to feel superior. I would just try to ignore it as much as you can, it’s unlikely she’ll change even if you do say something to her about it.

Baileyscheesecake · 27/08/2020 16:36

Laugh it off. In the grand scheme of things there are worse things she could be saying/doing. At the end of the day she is taking your son out for a treat to somewhere he really likes to go. As others have said it’s probably to do with her insecurities from her past. Cut her some slack.

anothernewyear · 27/08/2020 16:39

I'd tell her to stop being so rude infront of the staff when she does it. Watch her cringe. Theres no need of it at all.

PhilCornwall1 · 27/08/2020 16:58

she better be careful being obnoxious to them as if she's memorable she doesn't know where she will meet them next....

The old phrase that springs to mind here is "always be nice to people you meet on your way up, because you might meet them again on your way down."

sitckmansladylove · 27/08/2020 17:02

My sil buys clothes two years in advance so no one knows they are a supermarket brand (for her dc also)
But happily brags about money. It's awful. My mother also lived on benefits her whole life yet is 'Oh so posh' now. But I know really wealthy people who are far more down to earth.

SantaClaritaDiet · 27/08/2020 17:20

My sil buys clothes two years in advance so no one knows they are a supermarket brand

I don't get it Confused

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/08/2020 17:23

@sitckmansladylove

My sil buys clothes two years in advance so no one knows they are a supermarket brand (for her dc also) But happily brags about money. It's awful. My mother also lived on benefits her whole life yet is 'Oh so posh' now. But I know really wealthy people who are far more down to earth.
People might not know they are supermarket brand (presumably they forget?) but does it not mean she's always wearing clothes that are two years out of date style wise?
Graphista · 27/08/2020 17:24

By the time the sil and her dc are wearing the clothes it's been 2 years since they've been in the shops so she's hoping nobody will twig!

However i wear the same clothes for many years I'd probably know