To find my mother's obsession with being "posh" really bloody annoying

[EmilyRH]

My mother seems to have an obsession with everyone thinking she is "posh" and I'm starting to find it really bloody annoying. This morning she asked to take my son to McDonald's next week (his naughty favourite!) and I made a joke asking if she was getting me McDonald's too her response, "You can eat in the rough McDonald's where you live, I will take DS to the posh McDonald's around my area." There is a posh McDonald's? 😂 She is constantly telling everyone how nice the area she lives in is (and how not nice mine is!), how the people are "just different" where she lives, how they dress better, etc. I've noticed when we go out, she will be very polite to staff if we are eating in a fancy restaurant, but rude and ignorant to staff in a fast food place, for example. This really bothers me. I've tried to ignore it over the years but she seems to be getting worse. Why is she so fixated on people thinking she is some kind of upper class?! The irony is, she was on benefits my whole childhood!

I've noticed when we go out, she will be very polite to staff if we are eating in a fancy restaurant, but rude and ignorant to staff in a fast food place, for example.

I don't use the word 'snob' often and think people use it willy-nilly for everything but this here is my interpretation of not only being a snob but being a rude, ill mannered one. One doesn't have to be rich to be a snob. She is the other kind of snob - one who wants to look better than they actually are, as you say, and looks down on others/believes she's better than others.

She has got it way wrong if the attitude and behaviour (including putting you down because you live in a "rough" place) you've mentioned in your OP is her way of interpreting 'posh'. She couldn't be anymore odd.

You shouldn't enable this behaviour. Let her know in no uncertain terms that it's completely awful to treat people with decency and kindness just because she thinks she is better than them. Doesn't matter if she's truly 'posh' or not.

YANBU.

If your mother behaves differently between staff in her McDonald's and your McDonald's, she is anything but posh.

She sounds ignorant, ill mannered and distinctly lacking in any idea how to behave.

You could try telling her that natural class shows, but definitely not in her.

My mum has a posh voice for the telephone and strangers. She then refers to my brother as her “san”

@AuldFox

Is her last name Bucket?

my 1st thoughts too.

I love the posh McDonalds, tell us more

Does anyone else remember the thread about posh biscuits and posh chocolate? Food snobbery is definitively a thing, and I am not talking about genuine Michelin-Star level.

so mums are sometimes annoying, what's the news here? do u think anything can be acheived by talking to her about it? maybe you could revisit your childhood with her and help her open up about how difficult it must have been i suppose, otherwise tolerate and ignore, thats my motto for dealing with my mum anyway!

"to not* treat people with decency and kindness..."

Meant to write.

Oh god my mother is similar, she has this ridiculous telephone voice but she uses it out and about when she thinks she needs to impress people and posher members of the family, she omits part of her address when telling people where she lives as she lives in a 'garrison' town and is embarrassed by it, but she treats most waiters/waitresses with disdain, even though I waitressed for many years.

I spent my entire childhood terrified I would let her down as she would often comment 'what would the neighbours think'

I'm sorry OP it doesn't get any better my mother is mid 70's and actually getting worse.

What did her childhood look like? I feel this behaviour stems from insecurities. You could try using calm and logic to counteract some of this. "I'm baffled Mum, didn't you realise McDonald's is a franchise? They are all the same - that's the point!" 😂

@Ohtherewearethen

She can address it in a nice way though. Not in the mocking way people on here are suggesting.

@ZaraW

Is she on MN? She will fit right in with the posters who are/want to be middle class and pass judgement on what they consider to be tacky/common.

That was such a fun thread to read! There was so much on it that even the queen would be tacky if she would post anonymously . I thoroughly enjoyed it.

OP, I agree with a PP that she sounds very insecure. No idea how to counter it though.

@TweetUsOnFacebook

Does she have candlelight suppers?

How about the royal doulton tea set with the handpainted periwinkles on them? Does she have that?

Buy her a bunch of Hycicinths

Sounds just like my MIL. She recently said DD1's friend had 'good breeding' because he called DH Sir. This was swiftly followed by "He's our type of person" she'd have a fit of the vapours if she knew we didn't vote Tory.

We've left restaurants before because of her behavior towards waiters.

We try not to socialise in public with her any more.

I have relatives like this. It doesn't sound like a big deal to most people but it's incredibly annoying.

A person with class would be equally polite to the staff in McDonalds and the fancier restaurant.

No McDonalds is "posh," some of them are smarter and tidier than others, but to say one is"posh" is a bit of a stretch.

Again, a person of true class just wouldn't comment or would just say they hadn't been, or it's not the kind of food they like, rather than talking about it like it's beneath them.

By definition anyone who brags about being "posh" isn't. Might just be worth dropping that into the conversation.

A Hyacinth Bouquet 😂

Ok so you mum obviously has insecurities which is bringing out her snobbish ways. It's to be pitied really but I can see why it's infuriating. If she's a good mom in other ways I'd let it slide.
On the subject of rough McDonalds I beg to differ...they do draw different clientele depending where they are located and I certainly wouldn't venture into some of them. I was 'helping out' in a certain branch of Burger King this week by our local train station when a staff member shouted number 69 and the whole team cheered Wha-hay!
Now THAT is rough!

@percheron67

A "posh" McDonalds"? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

My mother was like that, I always said she could out-Hyacinth Mrs Bucket (and she wasn't as upmarket as Hyacinth which she would not have liked to hear). Mum could be pretentious in the extreme and it was very embarrassing when I was a child and we went out; if she bumped into anyone she knew she would put on a fake voice which made me cringe.

Nobody was fooled, couldn't have been.

She was also quite sensitive and defensive towards people whom she considered 'snobbish', when they usually were not at all, just being perfectly natural. In that, she was beng very snobbish but you couldn't tell her anything.

There's not much you can do about it. Concentrate on your mother's good points. As your child grows older he will find his grandmother's idiosyncracies funny. I wonder if she came from a very 'poor but respectable' background.

Regarding 'posh' McDonalds, I've been to a few over the years and there is definitely a noticeable difference dependent on the area. To me, it is not something to which I would consider worth commenting but it obviously important to the op's mum. She's not hurting anyone (but I agree it is annoying).

If OP only said her mum wants people to believe she is posh and all that, like I initially thought while reading the OP at first, then that's understandable (because it could stem from insecurity and she's not hurting anybody). Loads of people feel this way (but they don't treat others like shit).

The problem is her horrible treatment of others she believes she's better than or wants to be better than, including her own child. This a terrible attitude/mentality to have and poor childhood is no excuse. Good thing is people can learn to change this.

But loads of people are like this too, poor and rich alike.

I’m not gonna lie, but I’m just assuming that everyone defending her on here does the same thing

@AuldFox

Is her last name Bucket?

😂😂

I find it odd how some people equate the notion of being posh or superior with treating restaurant staff badly. I judge them severely though have seen this across from demonstrably and comedically not posh through to top tier public school and landed.

Years ago, I had two colleagues. One was well off but thought she was rich. The other was genuinely rich. The one who was well off talked of nothing else. She would go on about the clothes one should wear, bags, etc. The one who was rich used to laugh and say 'My DP wears ripped jeans (it wasn't a thing then!) and holey t-shirts. You'd have no idea he has money.'

Genuinely rich people often just don't care.

@percheron67

A "posh" McDonalds"? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

My DD goes to Posh McDonalds.

It's the one in an old pub building, looks like an actual place rather than the usual drive-thru. Makes me laugh every time she says it.

@GreyHare - your mum sounds exactly like my mum. I sometimes would like to have her epitaph as "but what will people think"