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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find my mother's obsession with being "posh" really bloody annoying

179 replies

EmilyRH · 27/08/2020 13:09

My mother seems to have an obsession with everyone thinking she is "posh" and I'm starting to find it really bloody annoying. This morning she asked to take my son to McDonald's next week (his naughty favourite!) and I made a joke asking if she was getting me McDonald's too her response, "You can eat in the rough McDonald's where you live, I will take DS to the posh McDonald's around my area." There is a posh McDonald's? 😂 She is constantly telling everyone how nice the area she lives in is (and how not nice mine is!), how the people are "just different" where she lives, how they dress better, etc. I've noticed when we go out, she will be very polite to staff if we are eating in a fancy restaurant, but rude and ignorant to staff in a fast food place, for example. This really bothers me. I've tried to ignore it over the years but she seems to be getting worse. Why is she so fixated on people thinking she is some kind of upper class?! The irony is, she was on benefits my whole childhood!

OP posts:

thedevilinablackdress · 27/08/2020 14:04

My Mum is a bit like this. Not rude to people, but certainly about them. Deep insecurity and fear from being relatively poor herself.

badacorn · 27/08/2020 14:04

Sounds harmlessly annoying. It’s so silly I feel like you should just nod your head and go along with it.

Posh McDonald’s .. really? McD’s are not posh, it’s one of the great things about it.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/08/2020 14:05

Honestly, I'd let any comments directed to me or putting on 'airs' roll off my back. If she wants to act 'pretentious' let her make a fool of herself, 99% of the time people like her aren't fooling anyone. No one seriously thinks she's Lady Mary Grantham. But I wouldn't tolerate her actually being rude to waitstaff (or anyone) in my presence and would call her out each time.

I'm in the US and here's the 'deal' with Maccys:

Attached to a gas station convenience store = 'common'.

Stand alone building = 'posh'.
😆😆😆

Polnm · 27/08/2020 14:05

@percheron67

A "posh" McDonalds"? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

There is certainly a hierarchy amongst McDonald’s and some are much more refined than others

thepeopleversuswork · 27/08/2020 14:07

@Zilla1

I find it odd how some people equate the notion of being posh or superior with treating restaurant staff badly. I judge them severely though have seen this across from demonstrably and comedically not posh through to top tier public school and landed.

I've never understood that and I absolutely loathe it. I think its the height of bad breeding and stupidity to treat people badly because of what you perceive their social standing to be.

I could never be friends with someone who I thought was capable of doing that and its probably the single biggest red flag you can find in a person.

HoppingPavlova · 27/08/2020 14:07

but rude and ignorant to staff in a fast food place, for example

Sorry, hand on heart not being goady here but this seems like a contradiction. Completely understand someone being rude in this situation (not at all saying it’s correct but I understand possible motivators behind that behaviour). Don’t understand about someone being ignorant in that situation? How does this manifest? Ignorant of the set up in fast food places and comments adversely? Sorry, it’s just not computing as surely if someone is trying to appear ‘posh’ then trying to hide ignorance would be what they would do as it doesn’t fit otherwise?

FrankskinnerscRoc · 27/08/2020 14:07

Ah is that the McDonald in Paris where they have the white M rather than the usual yellow?

Loads of people do the posh thing, I feel so embarrassed for them.

JadesRollerDisco · 27/08/2020 14:08

My in laws had a posh Lidl 🤷🏻‍♀️

Chickenkatsu · 27/08/2020 14:10

Is there a posh poundland there too?

Hullo · 27/08/2020 14:10

I do hope those who're basically saying it's okay or understandable that she's a rude, ill mannered snob because...insecurities (as though she's the only one who's ever had insecurities) will give others the same leniency and understanding when they are being rude to them. You know, these other rude people could also be insecure about who-knows-what, so let's accept their rudeness.

HoppingPavlova · 27/08/2020 14:11

Should have added my mum is like this. Came from a desperately poor background and married up considerably. Spent most of her adult life frightened someone would clue on she does not ‘belong’ so tends to overcompensate with behaviours you describe. Except for the ignorance obviously, she would desperately try and hide that in a situation not flout it.

ChurchOfWokeApostate · 27/08/2020 14:13

Sorry, it’s just not computing as surely if someone is trying to appear ‘posh’ then trying to hide ignorance would be what they would do as it doesn’t fit otherwise?

There are two definitions of ignorant, one of which is being discourteous, and the other is lacking knowledge.
I’m assuming in this scenario they mean the former.

Rhine · 27/08/2020 14:14

Is your mothers name Hyacinth Bucket?

DancingCatGif · 27/08/2020 14:16

@Hullo and I DO hope that people are understanding towards you when you take that condescending tone

AlexCabot · 27/08/2020 14:16

It's pronounced BOUQUET!!!!

Hullo · 27/08/2020 14:17

If the shoe fits...

BlueJava · 27/08/2020 14:20

Start calling her Hyacinth or snap "Nevermind posh or not posh how about not being so rude" the next time she goes to "rough Maccers"?

jessstan2 · 27/08/2020 14:21

@AlexCabot

It's pronounced BOUQUET!!!!

I think we know that :-).

I must say my mum wasn't rude or confrontational to anyone (except me at times). She was easily intimidated by those outside the family but ruled 'home' with an iron rod.

bananaskinsnomnom · 27/08/2020 14:27

My sister used to be a bit like this - classic example was holidays - she would head towards the First Class lounge for an airline and get a photo then “check in” on Facebook as entering the lounge. Never flown anything but economy! A couple of times we were on bloody easyJet! Backfired on me a handful of times because she would tag me and the family and my colleagues started to think I was rolling in it I had to have words.

She also didn’t like to share. If we were in holiday and looking at day trips / tours she would argue with my dad for hours trying to persuade him to book us onto a private one instead of the coach. Sure would have been great but the cost was normally way too high. She would sulk at having to share with the “rif raff”. Rolled her eyes at anyone having a joke or such on the coach. Used to pout at inflatables in the pool - inflatables are “chavvy and belong to children who’s parents can’t be bothered”. We had an amazing holiday at this 5 star hotel once - but there was a couple in front of us at check in receiving welcoming drinks. She started to strop saying”we shouldn’t have to wait” “this service isn’t good enough our drinks should arrive straight away”. We waited approx 3 minutes. She really pushed at the staff for compensation for the bother. She used to look down majorly on people working jobs she felt were beneath her - she still does to an extent but since having my nieces she has mellowed (doesn’t get so cross with inflatables for one thing anymore - has realised what they do!)

I would call out rudeness for sure. The wanting to be posh, meh, brush it off. It must be exhausting having to put on a facade the whole time.

DancingCatGif · 27/08/2020 14:28

@Hullo that doesn't make any sense in the context

PhilCornwall1 · 27/08/2020 14:32

To find my mother's obsession with being "posh" really bloody annoying

Alongcameacat · 27/08/2020 14:33

My MIL is like this. I think it is definitely insecurity. She cane from a working class background but seems to believe her grandparents were well off.

She is hugely impressed by money and occupations. She boasts about people she knows who have good careers.

Despite always trying to appear better off, she is very frugal. She’d rather give gifts to people she barely knows so she looks well than to her own grandkids. It is a pitiful way to live, looking down on others while never feeling good enough yourself.

RedRumTheHorse · 27/08/2020 14:35

I've noticed when we go out, she will be very polite to staff if we are eating in a fancy restaurant, but rude and ignorant to staff in a fast food place, for example.

Most of the people who work in fast-food restaurants and lots of retailers are students. They can be students in anything so she better be careful being obnoxious to them as if she's memorable she doesn't know where she will meet them next....

Ablackrussian · 27/08/2020 14:35

Your mother's behaviour is driven by her insecurity of not being good/posh enough. Perhaps this stemmed from your childhood, when she was using benefits and felt ashamed.

She is now overcompensating her 'poshness' by behaving in a ridiculous and, quite frankly, disrespectful manner It is like she has almost convinced herself, and others, that she is "posh" enough, but because, internally, she does not truly believe this, she will carry on with these antics.

Either roll your eyes, or book her in for counselling sessions.

ncdtoday123 · 27/08/2020 14:37

I just remembered I have seen what you could maybe try and call
a "posh" McDonald's - the one in Monaco sells macaroons and is made to look a lot more quaint cafe like than any I've ever seen anywhere else. Even so, it's fast food with trays so there's only so far it can go in the Michelin star ratings.....I have been to some branches with table service, I think a lot of them do that now.

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