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Original poster

To find my mother's obsession with being "posh" really bloody annoying

179 replies

EmilyRH · 27/08/2020 13:09

My mother seems to have an obsession with everyone thinking she is "posh" and I'm starting to find it really bloody annoying. This morning she asked to take my son to McDonald's next week (his naughty favourite!) and I made a joke asking if she was getting me McDonald's too Grin her response, "You can eat in the rough McDonald's where you live, I will take DS to the posh McDonald's around my area." There is a posh McDonald's? 😂 She is constantly telling everyone how nice the area she lives in is (and how not nice mine is!), how the people are "just different" where she lives, how they dress better, etc. I've noticed when we go out, she will be very polite to staff if we are eating in a fancy restaurant, but rude and ignorant to staff in a fast food place, for example. This really bothers me. I've tried to ignore it over the years but she seems to be getting worse. Why is she so fixated on people thinking she is some kind of upper class?! The irony is, she was on benefits my whole childhood!

OP posts:
Graphista · 27/08/2020 17:25

And actually it was when I was really struggling financially I'd buy clothes "out of season" in the sakes and quite honestly I'd be thinking she'd done similar

TempestHayes · 27/08/2020 17:42

I reckon it's a generational thing. My mum did similar during the 80s and 90s. Things that were "common" and "rough" were bad and had to be shunned, including activities and people and ways of serving food, and things that were "posh" were valued, but were usually barmy. Fussy mums would insist on "pardon", not "what", and "sofa" not "settee" and various other rules about what was 'rough' or not. Gardens. Car. Coats. All the rules.

I mean they even made TV shows about folk like this, Abigail's Party, Hyacinth Bouquet in 'Keeping Up Appearances', various other references. It's a cliché now. Yet still very real for some people.

Anyonebut · 27/08/2020 17:52

Was it this Mc Donalds?

To find my mother's obsession with being "posh" really bloody annoying
netsybetsy · 27/08/2020 18:12

The main worry I would have is I wouldn't want my son to pick up on all this stuff and follow suit.

Mountainpika · 27/08/2020 19:31

@RedRumTheHorse

I've noticed when we go out, she will be very polite to staff if we are eating in a fancy restaurant, but rude and ignorant to staff in a fast food place, for example.

Most of the people who work in fast-food restaurants and lots of retailers are students. They can be students in anything so she better be careful being obnoxious to them as if she's memorable she doesn't know where she will meet them next....

"Oh yes, I remember you well, Mrs Bucket, from when I worked in MacDonalds during my student days. You always complained the knives weren't sharp enough. Well, today I've sharpened them myself and can promise you they are up to the standard you require. I'll have your appendix out in a jiffy,"
Ethelfleda · 27/08/2020 20:06

Does the posh McDonald’s serve Big Macs in actual plates?
Asking for a friend...

newmum2999 · 27/08/2020 20:11

Fuck, I have a friend like this!!!!!

She was rough as growing up. Met a rich guy, currently pregnant but keeps going on about how posh and rich she is now.

Even said she wanted a cleaner but all the ones she has spoken to are too rough!!!

Ffs... does my head in!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Ethelfleda · 27/08/2020 20:14

Someone once referred to me as posh totty many years ago.
I have a broad midlands accent, grew up in a WC household, didn’t go to Uni and say ‘fuck’ a lot.

I think it’s because I used a couple of long words in a sentence once. It’s all relative Grin

Harls1969 · 28/08/2020 17:52

My mum is very similar. Grew up on a council estate. Thinks swearing and breaking wind are dreadfully common. Makes me do it all the more 😂

Decentsalnotime · 28/08/2020 17:53

I love it!

It’s the “Shameless” (Google if not heard) version of “posh”!

Ifeelsuchafool · 28/08/2020 17:57

"Posh McDonald's" is an oxymoron.

Margerine78 · 28/08/2020 17:58

I can totally relate as my little sister is the same. I love her but she bangs out about the cost of everything (if I say I like something she had she lowers her voice and says "it was very expensive" with a clear subtext - 'you couldn't afford it'. She likes to let people know how many toilets her house has as apparently this is posh. She's insecure though, we came from a poor family, she's never earned much but married a richer older man. I think with her its self-esteem, could that be the issue?

Zaphodsotherhead · 28/08/2020 17:59

@Ethelfleda

I get called posh A LOT.

Because I live in Yorkshire and have a southern accent. I am so far from posh that I couldn't poke it with a long stick.

mylifestory · 28/08/2020 18:51

Narcissistic personality disorder. Maybe it sounds right if u read up on it. I don't know. My mum is the same. Everything has to be grand like her and she spends all her life criticising ppl!

Violinist64 · 28/08/2020 18:55

You obviously have your very own Hyacinth Bucket in your family. Try to ignore the pretentious nonsense and rise above it. It sounds as if she has an inferiority complex.

Yankathebear · 28/08/2020 19:04

I really want a macdonalds now!

My mum is vile to my face but I have heard that she boasts about my life to people! At first I thought it was nice and that maybe she is proud after all. Turns out she’s not. She’s a narcissist who only thinks of herself.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 28/08/2020 19:07

My MIL has this class insecurity thing too. He refers to people as "PLU" or "not PLU".

PLU = People Like Us

Eg: "I do like our new neighbours, they're very PLU"

Or

"I'm not sure that your dc's friend is very PLU". Always said with a knowing face / tinkly laugh.

Makes me CRINGE it's so fucking rude Angry

lotsolove · 28/08/2020 19:10

Anyone who thinks a Mc Donald's is posh must be common as muck! Grin

OP it sounds like she enjoys putting you and where you live down. Maybe have a word with her and explain that being rude to service staff is very 'common' Wink

Murinae · 28/08/2020 19:32

My MIL was like this. Always had to lay the table for every meal (three times a day) with cloth napkins and side plates with butter knives! Grew up poor but married someone who went to Cambridge Uni. Refused to ever go to the pub because it was common and only alcoholics went there.

MadMadaMim · 28/08/2020 19:32

Point out to her how terribly uncouth it is. People who really are posh /well off etc, don't need to tell people they are - that's a sure way of showing how I'll mannered and unposh she actually is Grin

Lemons1571 · 28/08/2020 19:34

@GreyHare oh god the neighbours! My mother was obsessed with what the neighbours thought about anything and everything. As an adult it’s beyond me, I have to think twice to even remember what my neighbours are called.

@jessstan2 we have the same mother Grin mine also ruled the home with an iron rod (and sulking) but never behaved in this way to anyone outside the family, was too timid.

The poor upbringing does seem to be a common theme. My mother was also obsessed with things being new as it showed more class - new build houses, new furniture (and even better if from Vineys), new car. Second hand was looked down on as poor, hand me down kind of things.

And the newsy thank you letters I had to write, all about my achievements. Cringe.

We were very different really. I grew up on the fringes of poor, but guess I am now what she would have called “a professional in a respected occupation“. I couldn’t give one single solitary crap about what other people or neighbours think of my choices re houses, furniture, or anything else.

Harls1969 · 28/08/2020 19:57

[quote Zaphodsotherhead]@Ethelfleda

I get called posh A LOT.

Because I live in Yorkshire and have a southern accent. I am so far from posh that I couldn't poke it with a long stick.[/quote]
Yep, East Midlands here but originally from the south east. Because I say glass to rhyme with arse, I'm posh! I also drop my Hs 🤷

Winecurestiredness · 28/08/2020 20:06

My mum can be like this sometimes. I'm 28 and she still likes to talk about the fact I went to a private school once...for a year! She is very proud to be living in a "home county" and talks in a sort of Julie Andrews way 😂 i tease her sometimes because she actually lives down the road from a very rough, run down area and her home/postal address comes under that area 😂 she argues: "no we are in .... borough council so really we aren't in .....!" It used to really irritate me before I had kids but now I just laugh and go along with it!

twoshedsjackson · 28/08/2020 20:43

Lemons1571 What would your DM have said if you had pointed out that, to an upper-class person, one of the definitions of being lower in the pecking order is that one's furniture had to be purchased rather than inherited?

Ravenesque · 28/08/2020 20:46

Bring new phrases into your life.

She says "I'm taking DGC to posh McDonald's", you say "Okay, Hyacinth."

She gets uppity about your "rough area", "Calm down, Hyacinth!" "Whatever, Hyacinth."

If she's being rude to staff you say "Hyacinth, you know that it's rude to treat people badly, just stop it.!

Whenever she's going full-on Mrs Bucket just call her Hyacinth and don't stop. Ever.