To ask why you changed your name if you are married?

[Danni290]

This isn't to knock anyone that has made this decision - I truly believe each to their own.

I haven't changed my name and get a hard time particularly from men about it.

I totally understand why the family should have the same name - that makes total sense to me.

But what I don't get is why in 2020 this is purely dictated by gender? And why so many women go along with it without question?

Just wanted your reasons, AIBU to think it's a really archaic way of doing things?!

Why can't we choose the surname depending on whose we like the most, like we do with first names?

I like the idea of marriage being about sharing the same name. On reflection, if I hadn’t been so keen to take DH’s lovely surname, I’d have probably Insisted on double barrelling both names, that seems fair to me.

When I got married 25 years ago I never changed my name, never entered my head to do so.

I didn't change my name when I got married. I did have a few questions at work asking what my name would be- same as it is now. Nothing to see here!

I like my surname, and I'm very close to my parents so I didn't want to change it.

I don't understand all these comments saying they changed to have the same name as the children. Why do the children automatically have the husband's name? Haven't decided if I'm having any children but have decided, with my dh, that they'll have my surname if we do.

Still got a few Christmas cards to mr and mrs dh name. Grr.
I was threatening to return them to sender or give to my mil and pil. Annoying

I changed mine because I hated my maiden name and my husband's was much better. He did offer to change his which was sweet because my maiden name really was awful

Because I was sick of spelling my old surname.
Because I wanted to.
I don't care if it's archaic.

Why is it assumed the women will change her name on marriage? If you want the same surname why couldn’t your DH change his name?

We aren't married yet and my oldest has my second name. When we had the youngest I just gave him dp's second name without question. Thinking back now I should have given him mine. I always thought I would change my name when we got married, but now I'm not sure I ever want to get married, and if I do I want to keep my own name.

I changed mine because we were planning on starting a family and I wanted us to share the same surname. Both our surnames are quite unusual (Have to be spelled out/repeated etc) so felt double barrelled would just be too much! I do miss my surname though and do wish perhaps I’d thought more about changing it!

I changed mine because I wanted to. I didn't really have any compelling reason not to do it either.

I've been married for 9 years now and I don't really identify with my old name anymore. I see things with it on and it feels strange somehow

As women we grew up thinking of our surnames as temporary. We often give great thought into why we dislike them.

A woman with a boring name is excited to change it for something more exotic and interesting. A woman with an exotic and interesting name is fed up of spelling it out and wants to change it for a boring, simple name.

I don’t like my surname but I doubt my brother has ever given a passing thought as to whether he likes or dislikes the same surname.

for my dc

I’d always hated my maiden name surname. Lots of comments on it growing up etc. I did make it clear to my DH that had I liked my maiden name there was no way I would have changed it!

my dc were double barreled, we got married and we all took dh name

It was easier to spell, it's made my life a lot easier

My maiden name is 18 characters long... on top of that I always had to spell it out
I knew very young that i will get married and change my name asap

I definitely would want the same name for the whole family and deciding between 18 letters and 4 just seemed like a straightforward decision. My poor DH had trouble pronouncing my name, so it wouldnt have been a good idea for him to take mine. It was never an option really. Not sure how we would have decided if we both had nice last names.
I guess i would have fought for my name if i really liked it more than DHs and if i was older. I got married at 21 straight out of uni. I had no attachments to my last name at work or anything.

Very odd that it’s women who seem to dislike their name and therefore change to their DH’s.

I kept my name and dc are double barrelled and I have no regrets. My dh fully supports this and never asked me to change names. Other people seem to have a problem with this though, most notably pil! I do find archaic- it harks back to the day when the wife became the man's property. I hate it when people insinuate that you're somehow less of a family because you have different surnames- I fìnd that quite insulting. I think a lot of women just do it automatically because it's expected.

@BubblyBarbara what a stupid comment!

@zigaziga that's a good point

I was living in London and there was still enough anti Irish sentiment to make me feel uncomfortable sometimes so I was happy to swap my very Irish surname for a British one.

Don't change your name if you don't want to. I don't want to change my name and don't want to risk everyone deciding for me that I'm "Mrs HisName" now so I'm not getting married.

My parents gave me my mum's surname as a middle name - I'm guessing as some sort of compromise. I find this really annoying as I never use it in daily life, it just makes filling out forms more complicated. I wish I had my mum's surname as it's much nicer and I'm much closer to her side of the family.

Because it's the done thing, traditional. Because I was proud of being his wife, a Mrs not a Miss. because I wanted our kids to have his surname, for all of us to have the same name, because that makes life so much easier. Because his surname is easy and fab and so much easier and better than my old name.

Some women prefer their husband's surname so much that they even keep it after the divorce.

I am fortunate enough to have a separate professional title so get to keep that identity as well as being Mrs DH and DC name at the kid's school. All my bank accounts pre date my marriage so are all Dr Madien name, which is just as well as that is the name I practice under. Only my passport has Mrs Married name on it (it also has Dr Madien name).

FWIW both names are dull and easy to spell.

I haven’t changed my surname only because ours is a common name. So common that we already had the same one. We are not related just a coincidence. I however like that there is choice to change or not to change ones surname after marriage.