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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a birthday cake DD can’t eat?

328 replies

MummaW88 · 25/08/2020 20:30

I’m planning ahead for DD’s 1st birthday. She currently can’t have dairy or egg due to allergies. I’m hoping she outgrows them in time! It’s proving hard to find options for a vegan birthday cake; I’m not good at baking, and any bakeries nearby charge an extortionate amount for what I have in mind. I have a friend who makes beautiful cakes and has offered to make one, however she’s not confident with making a dairy and egg free one. My question, is it awful to have a birthday cake that she can’t eat? To clarify, I will get some little vegan cupcakes that she can have! she’d only be eating a small bit of the birthday cake so I thought cupcakes would be a good compromise. (I admit, the birthday cake would be more for me 😂) is that terrible?

OP posts:
Mmpip · 26/08/2020 18:54

You really can't have a Birthday Cake that she won't be able to eat. I can't imagine how she'd feel watching everybody enjoy her cake. Just go for the Vegan Cup-cakes. Surely that's the only option you should consider....!!!

LisaD76 · 26/08/2020 19:31

Go to cake box ... they do vegan cakes.... I have a nephew who had an egg and dairy allergy.... he grew out of the dairy but not the egg so was unable to have his vaccinations because most use albumen

squooz · 26/08/2020 19:43

Have the main cake with some fairy cake sized ones that she can eat arranged round the base.

ArthurChristmas2 · 26/08/2020 19:50

At that age, no not really. But, it will be the only year you can get away with this approach and I feel that you haven’t quite embraced her allergies yet. My daughter was allergic to about 20 things from 0-8, she did outgrow them thankfully, but during this period it became more and more difficult to manage especially as her allergies morphed and changed. She’s 14 now but at that time you could not get allergy friendly, free from foods in supermarkets at all. It still amazes me now how easy it is these days, honestly go looking because every supermarket has something and you may also find products that help you on other occasions. It becomes more difficult, school parties, friends tea parties. Your daughter will start noticing, much earlier than you think, they’re cunning devils! I bent over backwards to make sure my daughter never felt left out but it was hard work, always taking her own food, making things that looked like everyone else’s, having things ready to swap into party bags (it doesn’t matter how many times I explained people just struggled with it even family). Don’t assume it will go anytime soon, hospital told me it would go by 2. By 7, they told
Me if was with her for life. And then one day, literally overnight, they disappeared. Good luck! X

Jeeperscreepers69 · 26/08/2020 19:59

Shes 1. She will eat bus tickets. Just do jelly. No need for a festival

Lalanbaba · 26/08/2020 20:04

I made veggiedesserts.com/best-vegan-chocolate-cake/ this cake for the first birthday of our little one. She couldn't have egg and a cousin couldn't have dairy.
Put some sprinkles and fresh raspberries on top and chocolate drizzle and looked great.
But said that buy whatever cake you want and get her a cupcake, she will be fine and probably play with the cardboard box her toy came in.

catsarecute · 26/08/2020 21:14

This vegan cake from Asda might be worth bearing in mind for her next birthday, hope she has a lovely day. At age 1 do whatever you like, she won't mind either way. You won't get away with it forever so make the most haha
metro.co.uk/2020/01/07/asda-is-selling-an-adorable-vegan-avocado-shaped-cake-12015282/

MrsR2be · 26/08/2020 21:23

All the major supermarkets stock vegan cakes now, Just love chocolate cake is really good and dairy & egg free

CountFosco · 26/08/2020 21:33

Having had a child of my own and several family members with food allergies, it makes life a lot easier if you start getting used to catering without the allergens sooner rather than later. So try making a vegan cake for everyone and if it's not perfect who cares? It's for your DD and she certainly won't. And once she's toddling about and in everything you really won't want any allergens about. FWIW DS didn't grow out of his egg and dairy allergy until he was nearly 5 so we had years of vegan cakes.

Fowles94 · 26/08/2020 21:47

Probably been suggested but so easy to make vegan cake, Betty crocker mix and can of lemonade. Done.

gothicmummy · 26/08/2020 22:06

My youngest had a dairy allergy (now outgrown) and we got a dairy free/gluten free and egg free cake from tescos tasted like normal cake as well

TheWayOfTheWorld · 26/08/2020 22:31

@Fowles94

Probably been suggested but so easy to make vegan cake, Betty crocker mix and can of lemonade. Done.
I really want to try this - how much lemonade do you add?
DancingCatGif · 26/08/2020 22:41

" I can't imagine how she'd feel watching everybody enjoy her cake"

She is one. She will feel nothing.

Fowles94 · 26/08/2020 23:44

@TheWayOfTheWorld a whole can normally works great. The chocolate cake with cherry cola is lovely too.

Mumsn0t · 27/08/2020 09:34

It's entirely up to you what cake you have after all, it's your party so your cake-it's certainly not for her as she's too young to know what is going on!

We never had a party for our kids unless they wanted one so from age 4 and more aware. DS2 had one for his 6th. Never had one since as he hates parties!

I think I'm in the minority now, and not wanting to sound like a miserable old cow, but I wish we'd never made any kind of fuss for any birthdays. I think it's part of modern life where we set kids up with expectations to automatically get this, that and the other-my parents would be in their 90's now and as children never got more than a 'Happy Birthday' and maybe a homemade cake and that was fine. It was normal!

I think the 'gift' of consumerism is a really shit one so why start? Applies to Christmas, religious festivals in general, anniversaries etc.

I'll shuffle off now and shut up.

Barney60 · 27/08/2020 10:04

Oggs cakes are vegan and dairy free. From £4.00 in Sainsburys, and Waitrose, choc fudge, lemon zest, few different ones different sizes.

Marzipan12 · 27/08/2020 10:22

For a 1st birthday it's fine. She won't know it's her birthday and will be happy with her own cupcakes. You need to think ahead tho because when she turns 2 she will fully understand that it's her birthday and her cake. My 22 year old remembers her 2nd birthday party completely.

Amaksy · 27/08/2020 11:10

I'd go for the vegan option, as you never know whether one of the guests will try to feed her some cake off their plate. Might as well avoid the disaster / accident all the same.

TheWayOfTheWorld · 27/08/2020 11:18

@Fowles94 thanks! Cake

yomellamoHelly · 27/08/2020 11:30

I don't think she'll know any different, so I would. Especially given she gets her own cupcakes.
We freely admitted our eldest's first birthday party was for us. (Was quite an adult, boozy affair as we were the first to have kids.)

Babyboomtastic · 27/08/2020 11:40

One thing to bear in mind, is that to stop people feeding her bits, you're going to have to make sure that all guests are aware that she can't eat any if the cake. Given how sensitive you are to criticism over this, will you be ok if one of them says something like 'oh that's a shame' or 'aww that's sad' or anything that you could interpret as criticism of your decision. Given how upset randomers have made you by saying that you'd decision is ridiculous or mean, because the likelihood is that most people will make some comment, even if it's meant that it's a shame she has the intolerance, rather than a shame she can't eat her birthday cake.

PlumsInTheIcebox · 27/08/2020 12:46

Allergy. Please. ‘Intolerance’ is not a euphemism or a synonym for ‘allergy’.

CeriBerry · 27/08/2020 13:30

I think it’s fine as long as your DD has a cake. I don’t however think people have been half as rude as you’ve made out they have on this thread.

People are allowed to disagree with you and it’s not rude to do so when you asked their opinion. I’d maybe suggest you don’t post on AIBU if you’re that sensitive to other people’s disagreement.

But as for the cake, as long as she’s got something to blow out a candle in then I think that’s fine (though I also wouldn’t go to the hassle of getting an extravagant cake just for the photos- but that’s totally up to you!)

I hope she has a lovely day 😊

AWryGiraffe · 27/08/2020 13:30

You're already doing better than me, my daughter didn't have any kind of cake for her 1st birthday. She didn't know or care as she was excited to have a bowl of blueberries. I think the adults had some cheesecake at some point.

I really wouldn't worry about it, it's nice that you're making an effort but she really won't know the difference at this age.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/08/2020 13:42

If a load of randoms on the internet told you it was a terrible idea would you really not do it?? Just have the cake you want, you're obviously keen on it and it's a totally harmless thing for you to want. Your baby will enjoy herself regardless of what cake is on offer.

I'm so often amazed by the simplest decisions people seem to be unable to make without consulting the masses.

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