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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a birthday cake DD can’t eat?

328 replies

MummaW88 · 25/08/2020 20:30

I’m planning ahead for DD’s 1st birthday. She currently can’t have dairy or egg due to allergies. I’m hoping she outgrows them in time! It’s proving hard to find options for a vegan birthday cake; I’m not good at baking, and any bakeries nearby charge an extortionate amount for what I have in mind. I have a friend who makes beautiful cakes and has offered to make one, however she’s not confident with making a dairy and egg free one. My question, is it awful to have a birthday cake that she can’t eat? To clarify, I will get some little vegan cupcakes that she can have! she’d only be eating a small bit of the birthday cake so I thought cupcakes would be a good compromise. (I admit, the birthday cake would be more for me 😂) is that terrible?

OP posts:
Yesmate · 26/08/2020 07:19

@MummaW88 why is it rude to disagree with you and say I think it’s ridiculous?

You asked for an opinion and I gave it. If you think that my response was rude then you obviously don’t read some of the hate posted regularly on here.

Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 07:22

@Yesmate it’s rude to call someone’s suggestion ridiculous just because you don’t agree with it. I never said it was rude to disagree with me so not sure where you’ve taken that from? Is that really a defence, that it wasn’t as rude as some other people’s posts on here? I’m glad I haven’t read any of that, thinking I might quit MN altogether tbh! It isn’t what I expected.

OP posts:
seayork2020 · 26/08/2020 07:24

At one my son was still trying to chew boxes, he had no idea what cake was there I can't even remember what cake he had but he was probably trying to play with the unlit candles rather than eating the cake so just get what works

Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 07:28

@seayork2020 haha sounds like DD, she’d rather chew one of my shoes!

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 26/08/2020 07:28

@MummaW88

I think lockdown has driven lots of these people to the brink of insanity and they take it out on total strangers online.....

I didn’t give either of my children any of their bday cake as don’t believe a one year old needs cake/should have any... I guess that’s a diff thread in itself! Guess what... both my kids are very happy even though, shock horror, they didn’t get any bday cake for their first bday!!

Don’t loose sleep over idiots online!!

Yesmate · 26/08/2020 07:29

@MummaW88 I posted my comment and then got on with my evening and I have just had 5 minutes looking through your updates.

Without reading all the comments it’s clear from your replies that you hit some heat on this one. I hope you’re ok, genuinely.

To confirm, I wasn’t trying to defend my comment by saying there are worse comments in mumsnet, I was just surprised you thought it was rude given some of the stuff I have seen on other posts. I stand by my comment, will stick to to only agreeing with people in the future though.

Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 07:32

@OverTheRainbow88 thank you Flowers I must confess if anything I expected people to be disapproving that I would give her any cake in the first place! Not the response I got.

@Yesmate thank you I appreciate that. I guess we have different opinions on what is rude and what isn’t. Just to confirm for me, I have no issue with you disagreeing. You’re entitled to an opinion and I did indeed ask for one. I just think there are better ways to express that.

OP posts:
Yesmate · 26/08/2020 07:41

@MummaW88 I will take that on board, I wouldn’t find it rude and don’t try to be so will think more about what others would think is rude in future.

Hope your DD has a wonderful birthday (and everyone enjoys whatever cake they have 🥳)

AlwaysLatte · 26/08/2020 07:43

My son doesn't like sponge cakes but most kids do so I started making him a 2 layer cake when he was tiny and have done every since, except this year when I just made one fruit cake due to the lack of guests.

WaltzfortheMars · 26/08/2020 07:46

Op, this is a quite serious topic to some of us who has family members with severe allergies. I haven't read all the comments so I don't know what kind of responses you've got but there is no point in getting stressed up about what people say. Some are helpful, some just enjoy being nasty no matter what topic they are.
You say you won't post a thread on MN anymore. Just don't post on AIBU but post on the relevant board. You get a lot more sympathetic and helpful comments. I've posted similar thread in the past, all I got was helpful comments, none of the nasty ones. But I didn't post on AIBU. I never do.

Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 07:50

@Yesmate thank you I appreciate that Smile

@AlwaysLatte fruit cake is lovely that’s a good idea

@WaltzfortheMars tbh I mostly posted on here as from the little I know from using MN the posts on AIBU seem to get more response and I was genuinely interested in opinions. I’ve now realised what a mistake that was!

OP posts:
Pobblebonk · 26/08/2020 07:55

At one year old, any party is for the benefit of adults, not the one year old. So your plans sound absolutely fine.

PandaMa · 26/08/2020 07:56

I don't know if anyone has already suggested this, but as Asda do a gokd range of vegan cakes and you say your friend is a good decorator, would you be able to pick a planish vegan cake and ask her to jazz it up with some fancy decoration? If not then yeah I agree the cup cakes are fine, and as she's one she won't notice everyone eating a different cake.

Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 07:57

@Pobblebonk thank you!

@PandaMa a few people have and it’s definitely an option. It’s just the cake I had in mind is 2 tier and quite elaborate (my friends suggestion) so not sure it would work for this birthday but it’s definitely a good idea for future birthdays Smile

OP posts:
WaltzfortheMars · 26/08/2020 08:09

It is very true that you may get fewer comments on other boards. But it's more likely that you get the reponse from people with understanding and knowledge. Sometimes one helpful comment is better than 100 unhelpful and judgey ones.

Notcrackersyet · 26/08/2020 08:13

I’d much rather have the funny, nice story of my crappy effort at making a cake that she could eat with her allergies than the beautiful cake pic.

Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 08:18

@WaltzfortheMars that’s definitely a lesson I have learned here.

OP posts:
BakedBeeeen · 26/08/2020 08:18

OP I think your plan is a good one. I wonder if some posters have not taken in to account that it’s her 1st birthday? If we were talking about a 10 year old I think it would be different because she might feel left out. But a 1 year old?? And to the poster that mentioned blowing candles out - how many 1 year olds know how to blow a candle out?! I think my DS only tried to touch the flame and then just ate a chocolate button off the top. Wink

OverTheRainbow88 · 26/08/2020 08:20

how many 1 year olds know how to blow a candle out?!

Especially during a pandemic! I went to a 3 year olds party (yes I know illegal and all that) she blew out her candles and spat over the whole cake that was handed out to everyone... now normally that wouldn’t bother me but during a pandemic was a bit ming!!

Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 08:20

@Notcrackersyet I appreciate your point of view, I just see it differently. She has many years ahead of her for funny memories of mummy’s awful baking attempts lol

OP posts:
Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 08:22

@BakedBeeeen I have wondered that myself, I wonder how much some posters think a one year old understands!

@OverTheRainbow88 she’s probably more likely to try and grab the candle lol! And I’ve read a lot recently about candle blowing/COVID so again surprised so many people felt so strongly about this!

OP posts:
hopsalong · 26/08/2020 08:27

Not only will she not remember anything about the birthday, she hopefully won't even remember that she had egg and dairy allergies. Anyway, I don't think you need to worry about her looking back through the photos and thinking you made an effort!

Besides, it depends how you define effort. I let mine have some cake on their first birthday but lots of people I know were stricter about sugar up until 2 or 3, or even after that. Not only does she not need cake, she arguably shouldn't be having it anyway...

Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 08:35

@hopsalong exactly, I am only planning on giving her a small bit that’s why I thought a cupcake would be a good compromise. I’m really hoping she doesn’t remember the allergies, I hope they’ll be long gone by then.

OP posts:
rosydreams · 26/08/2020 08:38

as shes one i would use this as a opportunity to practice making ity myself.If the cake goes tits up it does not matter when they are young they dont care.

now look at this recipe you just have to do little swaps ,the chocolate should cover the taste of some of those swaps

www.allrecipes.com/recipe/17981/one-bowl-chocolate-cake-iii/

there are a bunch of egg substitutes

www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/follow-your-heart-vegan-egg-60010366

and just use sweetened soy instead of milk

Original poster
MummaW88 · 26/08/2020 08:42

Thank you @rosydreams unfortunately she can’t have soy either as apparently milk allergy usually means an allergy to soy too! But I could use Oat milk?

OP posts: