To have a birthday cake DD can’t eat?

[MummaW88]

I’m planning ahead for DD’s 1st birthday. She currently can’t have dairy or egg due to allergies. I’m hoping she outgrows them in time! It’s proving hard to find options for a vegan birthday cake; I’m not good at baking, and any bakeries nearby charge an extortionate amount for what I have in mind. I have a friend who makes beautiful cakes and has offered to make one, however she’s not confident with making a dairy and egg free one. My question, is it awful to have a birthday cake that she can’t eat? To clarify, I will get some little vegan cupcakes that she can have! she’d only be eating a small bit of the birthday cake so I thought cupcakes would be a good compromise. (I admit, the birthday cake would be more for me 😂) is that terrible?

You can buy vegan cakes easily from Sainsbury's for £6? I'm confused as to why it's so difficult haha but as long as she's got something she won't care at 1.

@LokiOdinson I haven’t said it’s difficult. You must not have seen my previous responses. I know you can buy cakes from supermarkets, but not the sort of cake I have in mind unfortunately

OP it’s fine. She’ll feel special as a lot of fuss will be made of her. She’ll get to eat some sort of cake. There is no problem with what you suggest.

Personally I had wine on my 1 year olds birthday party and had a lovely time.

@newmumwithquestions that made me laugh lol maybe I’ll have to get her some alcohol free wine so she doesn’t grow up hating me (I am joking of course!)

I understand. Hope you have a lovely first birthday celebration!

@Notcrackersyet thank you

I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time here OP but if you take nothing else from this thread then please don’t refer to your DD’s allergies as intolerances. I’m not just being pedantic. They are completely different conditions. I hope that your DD outgrows them and you don’t have to deal with this as she gets older but it can be incredibly hard to get people to take allergies seriously and using the correct language is really important.

I hope that your DD has a lovely birthday 🎈

If it's a staggered birthday party, then a fancy display of cupcakes (whetemher she can eat them or not) would probably look better than a single cake. It means you can replenish the display, it's easier for people to take it away, and probably requires less handling. Otherwise, only you and the first guests will get to appreciate this cake anyway, as by the time others arrive, it'll be partially eaten.

@OnlyaMummy

I think its quite mean considering the day is for her. My daughter has a dairy allergy and the only way I would get a cake she couldnt eat is if I had an identical one that was dairy free for her.

I think you are mistaking a 1yr old for someone who would give a dam. Anyone who seriously thinks a 1 yr old will ever have a memory of a birthday cake is simply deluded and making extra expense and work for themselves.

Get a cake - any cake with a candle on it. Help her blow it out. Take cake to one side to cut. Divide amongst friends and substitute vegan cupcake on baby's plate.

Job done - minimum stress.

First birthday cakes in our family were traditionally a jelly made strong enough to stand (with a wobble) and with whipped cream used to pipe Happy Birthday onto it. If you have a vegan alternative to whipped cream, would that work?

The reason for it was always that it was a cake the Birthday DC could eat and enjoy (generally, of all 6 of us, only 1 actually ate cake by that point). It worked great for me and my DSiblings, and I also did it for DD when she was 1.

Hopefully your dd will grow out of it. But like many of us, she may not. It will be a long term if she is unlucky, and it's hard to adjust but not really that hard in reality.
I baked vegan cakes for over a decade. Now it's a lot simpler, you just need to substitute egg and milk/butter and it can produce decent cakes because of plenty of vegan recipes. And even better now, it's way simpler to buy a vegan cake that tastes fab. I have donated vegan cake to the cake sale at dc's school. No one recognised the difference, I've seen it with my own eyes.

My DS is now 28 - but on his first birthday I made a cake with alcohol in it! My parents, DH and I all enjoyed it.
DS had something else but we still have the photos showing his lovely birthday cake with candles!

As others have said. She's ONE. She won't care. Fwiw for her next birthday bake something. Dd was allergic to milk and eggs at that age. I used to make cakes. Many recipes that dont include eggs and you can use soya milk and butter 😀

@YippieKayakOtherBuckets it has been referred to both as an allergy and an intolerance by her doctor, so I’m only going by what the medical professionals involved with her have said 🤷🏻‍♀️ And thank you.

@Babyboomtastic thanks for the suggestion.

@disorganisedsecretsquirrel that’s exactly my plan, thank you For understanding what I was getting at!

@BiddyPop that’s a good suggestion I’ll look into that one!

@WaltzfortheMars if she doesn’t outgrow it I do intend to get practising the baking.

@IamMaz imagine if you had dared to suggest that on here at the time lol you’d have had a harder time of it than me!

@beethecrackon24995 I definitely will for her next birthday. Every birthday after this one! Unfortunately she can’t have soya either but oat milk may work?

I would make a really nice vegan cupcakes for everyone; there are some really lovely vegan recipes. Alternatively maybe you could get a cake shops to make them, good luck

shop*

She might not understand but I still think it’s mean to have a cake that she can’t eat. It’s her day not yours.

If your friend is making a posh decorative cake, there’s no reason why she can’t make a vegan base and then do some lovely vegan icing and decorations.

I look back fondly on my DC’s 1st Birthday photos - where each of them is eating a cake specifically made for them. A cake we all shared - that’s part of it.

If your friend is making a posh decorative cake, there’s no reason why she can’t make a vegan base and then do some lovely vegan icing and decorations.

you haven't read the thread have you.

I think you are mistaking a 1yr old for someone who would give a dam.*

yesss 😂😂😂🎂 @disorganisedsecretsquirrel

You can get vegan cakes in supermarkets - Sainsburys sell cupcakes by a brand called oggs and Asda and Tesco (maybe others?) sell a vegan chocolate cake.
I make the bbc good food vegan banana bread recipe all the time, it’s incredibly easy

As others have said, she's 1! She will only have a small amount of cake so it really doesn't matter. This is the birthday that is far more about the parents and guests than her.
Go ahead and take advantage for this year - every birthday going forward she will understand and expect to be able to eat the cake herself!

A 1 yr old will neither remember nor care about their birthday cake. You might be able to convince them otherwise with pictures but it will still only be the pictures they rermember.

Don't be guilted into hours of research baking unless you will actually enjoy it.

I've never baked a birthday cake in my life nor spent a fortune on them (thank you Costco and M&S). My now adult children have all survived unscarred by the lack of slave labour cake experience.

Even when they were small I could buy vegan/allergen suitable cakes from mainstream suppliers.

@Yesterdayforgotten thank you for the suggestion.

@BreatheAndFocus I think you haven’t really read this thread have you? I’ve gone over all of the points you’re raising already. There will be lots of pictures of us sharing lovely cake together... I’m sure (if she ever even cared to ask!) she’s not going to hold it against me that she got her very own special cupcakes just for her. I’d like to think my daughter will grow up not to be so spoilt that she would care about what cake she had. And actually, I think her first birthday is about us as a family. Disagree all you like.

Thank you @PattyPan

@riddles26 this is the only year I’d expect to be able to get away with it!

@C8H10N4O2 thank you, I don’t think many people have taken into account that I’m no good at baking lol or that I want this one cake to look lovely. I don’t care if from now on they look like something that’s been dropped on the floor! Just one pretty one for her first ever birthday.

OP, I can see you've already been advised that AIBU is not the place to post if you're looking for genuine advice. Please can I add to this in an attempt to save you from some frustration: there is no etiquette on MN to respond to everyone who posts. Every time that you do you are bumping the thread to the top of the AIBU board and bringing it to the attention of a whole new audience who will only read the first page before commenting. You will literally be here all day repeating yourself if you continue responding to everyone individually. If you have got what you need from the thread then you can step away.

I’m no good at baking lol

Me neither. Moreover I have no interest in being good at it, its in that bucket of "I can pay someone who will do it better" jobs.

I did have that moment with PFB of thinking I "should" make cakes, fortunately performance baking was less of a stick used to beat mothers at that time and most of my friends bought birthday cakes as well. OTOH Instagram pressure wasn't a thing then.

By the time DC4 comes along, you won't even bat an eyelid at the caterpillar cake in the shopping basket, you will care zilch for the opinions of anyone else

you haven't read the thread have you

Yes, I have but you didn’t read my post properly, did you?

It’s very easy to make subs to make a cake vegan. It can be as basic or as posh as you want. And no, obviously a 1yr old won’t know at the time but they do grow up, you know. They also look at old photos.

The OP asked people’s opinion and I gave mine. As presumably you gave yours....