To have a birthday cake DD can’t eat?

[MummaW88]

I’m planning ahead for DD’s 1st birthday. She currently can’t have dairy or egg due to allergies. I’m hoping she outgrows them in time! It’s proving hard to find options for a vegan birthday cake; I’m not good at baking, and any bakeries nearby charge an extortionate amount for what I have in mind. I have a friend who makes beautiful cakes and has offered to make one, however she’s not confident with making a dairy and egg free one. My question, is it awful to have a birthday cake that she can’t eat? To clarify, I will get some little vegan cupcakes that she can have! she’d only be eating a small bit of the birthday cake so I thought cupcakes would be a good compromise. (I admit, the birthday cake would be more for me 😂) is that terrible?

@Ginfordinner thank you, I’ll add “lazy” to the list of “not rude” comments shall I? Cheers for the google suggestion though

[quote MummaW88]@PlumsInTheIcebox it’s more an intolerance than an allergy, it’s not anaphylactic shock inducing. And my friends/family are responsible enough to not leave things lying around, the same way I don’t leave other potentially harmful things within her reach.[/quote]
Do you know the difference, OP? I can tell you from experience that you need to be really clear with your language around your child’s allergies in order for people to take them seriously. I would guess if you have a formal diagnosis already then your DD has true allergies, even if she has never had an anaphylactic reaction to date.

You asked if YABU to have a cake your DD can’t eat and I don’t really have an opinion on that. But I do think YWBU to have your daughter’s allergens at her party all parcelled up in tempting little morsels. You can’t police every guest keeping the adults’ cake out of her reach. That is ridiculous.

Happy birthday to your DD.

Cupcakes are great for a first birthday and maybe you could get a selection of vegan and non vegan so you all have a one you like. I never bothered with a full cake until 2 as at 1 a cupcake is just a great size and nice to stick a candle in and get photos etc

@PlumsInTheIcebox it’s not a party, it’s guests staggered throughout the day as we have a small flat. So I don’t think it’s ridiculous to expect two or three people at a time to not place cake on the floor. If anything they’ll probably be taking it away to eat at home. I am well aware of the difference. I still eat dairy/egg myself, and keep it out of reach. Her safety is always of top importance.

If you don't fancy making the frosting lidle do really nice readymade frosting esp the caramel one... yum yum
Or you could get some vegan cupcakes from the supermarket and Costco ones for everyone else as hey are huge and usually nice (if you have that store?)

Thank you so much to all the helpful responses and suggestions. I think I’m going to stop looking at this thread now as I’m actually getting abuse over cake?! Again, thank you to the helpful comments, some of the alternatives sound great and I’m definitely going to look into these. Sorry those I haven’t directly replied to, there’s a lot of messages on here! But they are all appreciated and I have taken note of them.

It is ok just because she is only 1. This is the only birthday you can actually get away with it. Try to make the cupcakes look similar to the cake itself. Chocolate if the cake is chocolate, white icing if the cake is white and so on. Or you risk a tantrum.
Happy birthday to her!

Hope your dd has a lovely birthday op and ignore all the crazy comments, some people love to make and cause drama wherever they go

She’s 1. She won’t give a shit. Really.

I wouldn't even bother with the vegan cupcake, tbh. I'd just get the pretty cake you want for the photos and that's it. I didn't even think 1 year olds could eat cake so it wouldn't have occurred to me to cater for them.

*Mumma if you get a box of betty Crocker cake mix and add any can of fizzy pop you will have a egg and dairy free cake.

Seriously -

Box mix
Soda.

I make one for my friends Dd every year.

I tend to use the rainbow mix and spite. Really light fluffy cake*

Just seen this. Really want to try it.

Hope the party goes well OP. ☀️

Who'd have thought you'd have be on your best defensive for🍰!

It seems odd to me.

On DD's 1st birthday my priority was that she and I could enjoy the day as much as possible. She is also allergic to egg and to dairy so this meant having an egg/dairy free cake. It didn't occur to me to have an iced cake for photos or guests or whatever. I just made a simple vegan apple cake which tasted nice and DD enjoyed. I'm just not bothered about photos of a beautiful decorated cake.

Anyone who eats your cake with egg/dairy would surely need to wash their hands afterwards before touching your DC or handling their toys to avoid the risk of an allergic reaction on her birthday?

My DD's allergies are not life threatening but I still wouldn't have wanted to risk her house/toys getting cake/icing on them and generally people at parties are pretty relaxed and not going to wash their hands after eating so I'd have thought the chances of ending up with allergens being spread around is pretty high.

I think we can trust OP to manage her daughter's intolerances.

Start as you mean to go on. Get her a cake for her regardless of how much she can have. It would set a precedent of selfishness not to. These little humans of ours are people whether they remember or not.

It didn't occur to me to have an iced cake for photos or guests or whatever. I just made a simple vegan apple cake which tasted nice and DD enjoyed. I'm just not bothered about photos of a beautiful decorated cake.

And we're all different.

I always had cake for guests myself. And a pic of the baby and their cake. Not unusually. Pretty standard I'd say.

@sunglassesonthetable

I think we can trust OP to manage her daughter's intolerances.

OP probably isn’t reading any more but I wish she hadn’t described the allergies as intolerances. Too many people think that they are interchangeable terms but they really are not and it makes life so much more difficult when you have a child with an allergy.

She's a baby!! She won't have a clue. Just give her a lovely bowl of colourful fresh fruit or
Make a fruit cake

OP probably isn’t reading any more but I wish she hadn’t described the allergies as intolerances. Too many people think that they are interchangeable terms but they really are not and it makes life so much more difficult when you have a child with an allergy.

I'm sure you're very well informed on this. And I know I'm not.

My point was that having a cake that DD couldn't eat doesn't necessarily mean it's a threat because other adults are eating it. I think OP is well aware how to manage that situation.

That fruit cake looks amazing @whattodo2019

If it were me then I'd make a vegan cake, but then again I am quite a confident baker and would enjoy the challenge. I'd experiment a bit, which would possibly involve making 2 or 3 different cakes. I think if it's a friend making the cake as a favour to you and they have no experience with dairy free cakes then it's a bit cheeky to ask them to do it as you are basically asking them to do the experimenting, which takes a lot of time, effort and ingredients. If she hasn't offered then don't ask.

I think in these circumstances it's fine for your friend to make a normal cake that she is comfortable with, and you provide some other suitable treats for your DD to have.

I didn't mean to be so rude.

The Vegan Society baking recipes can be found here

I have made the raspberry chocolate cake several times, and it is heavenly.

I would try and get a suitable cake because someone may try to feed her some cake since it is her birthday. Certainly that is what happened with mine on his first birthday and he was egg allergic. Luckily I had ordered an egg free cake as well as egg free mini cupcakes so it didnt matter when someone decided to offer him some of the big cake I had intended to be for the grown ups. My mini cupcakes were meant for the babies (there were a few other baby guests) but you cant fully control what happens when there’s a group of guests.

Mine wore more cake than they ate, at that age.

As for looking at photos and asking questions... "we gave you your own little smash cake." It's not even a white lie. Clearly some people here have no idea how 1 year old's work.

PickAChew, we filmed my dc's first birthday and all the ones after that.
I was a crap vegan baker at dc's first birthday, it tasted wrong, but he was so happy he can dive into it. And it's funny fond memories to look back now and laugh how bad it was. I am a quite good vegan baker now.

Ah no sorry I didn’t mean it’s hilarious you posted it - the responses are ridiculous, she’s 1 and will not live a life of trauma because you didn’t buy a cake she could eat on a birthday she won’t remember.

@sunglassesonthetable thank you for actually sticking up for me

@Ginfordinner no worries, you’re the only one who’s actually acknowledged that they were so I appreciate that.

@whattodo2019 that looks amazing, I’m definitely going to try that!!

@TitsOutForHarambe thank you for understanding, that’s what I have been trying to get across.

@MGMidget it will only be a few visitors at a time as it isn’t a “party” as such, everyone will be aware not to give her any. And will most like take theirs away in a cake box to have at home anyway.

@BanningTheWordNaice I can’t remember what I responded to you but sorry if it came across wrong, I don’t remember reading your post in a bad way though

This will definitely be the last time I post a thread on MN! I actually couldn’t get to sleep for ages last night as I was so livid that I had been called selfish, lazy, ridiculous, mean and accused of excluding my daughter and not prioritising her health. Over some cake?! Imagine if I had posted about a serious topic. People really should think before they speak (or type in this case). I was brought up to be kind and respectful to people and it’s a real shame that some others on here don’t have the same values. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice! Even if you don’t agree with someone’s opinion, you can express that without being judgemental/offensive/insulting/plain rude?

Thanks again all the kind/helpful comments. Sorry I haven’t directly replied to all of you but I think my thumbs would fall off if I tried lol! But I have read each and every one and really appreciate every recipe, shop suggestion, alternatives ideas, supportive comment, own experiences and (despite what some think!) different opinions on this.