Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's going nuts! always angry but says he isn't!

131 replies

portobella · 25/08/2020 17:40

So I'm stuck and feel really bad right now.

The back story is my partner and I have been together for 4.5 years. We moved in together 2 years ago with me financially paying for everything. He didn't have a job for two years. I have two teenage children who I also pay for solely.

We had a chat and since that chat, he has found a job (recently) and I have been able to relax a little. Not so hand to mouth and really appreciate the help.

(his back story is he was a semi millionaire professionally (really) and he left his wife and his job in one fell swoop (as he couldn't take it any more citing she was only with him for the money in the end and the job he hated) They ended 8 years ago. Get on ok now for the kids - left her everything.

Fast forward and last few weeks, he has become miserable.. Totally snappy and irritated and 'angry', for no apparent reason - (we get on really well - or so I believe.)

Most recently he wanted to move house - to a nicer one - bigger than we need - but not too much more in the price - so in making the negotiations - he has called out the realtor, got mad and angry at the owner - accusing them of trying to rip him off etc etc.. and can't quite seem to keep it together.

He is not usually like this - at all.. He is a great negotiator but seems to think now everyone is taking advantage of him or trying to manipulate him.. and he is having none of it.

The realtor only asked for a tax report (for me, not him which is totally normal) THey have since come back and tried to push a little the upfront payment terms but it is an easy no we agreed x not y and onwards you go. but no he totally freaked out, put the phone down on me was swearing completely Cookoo - I was asking why are you so angry - it's easy to just state our terms and tell them theirs are not what we agreed.. negotiation! boy did i get it.

I have asked him what is going on and he has snapped at me massively saying how dare I psychoanalyse him and he is fine etc etc more or less who do I think I am.

I am planning on taking the kids to see it this evening but now really don't want to as they will love it and I'm totally confused.

I have taken over the negotiations but wonder whether I should bother. He is clearly going through something.

By the way, it was his idea, his choice of house, his initial negotiations..

and suddenly he is out of character angry at everyone and seemingly like he want s to jeopardise this move?

IABU - leave him to work it out alone

IANBU - force him to talk, even if it means something untoward is amis..

I'm really stressing and feel bad energy - I can not put my finger on it - (he is aggressive towards me also - with his words) but never has been before.. and he is claiming he is fine??

Any advice will be totally appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
portobella · 25/08/2020 17:43

And we are financially stable - the company and accounts are all in my name and I have complete access.. so... (and could do it alone if I really had to.. SO..

OP posts:
Shemeanswell · 25/08/2020 17:44

I would assume he has money issues. Is he putting in for the house as well? What percentage?

MatildaTheCat · 25/08/2020 17:48

He’s clearly not fine. Don’t go any further on the house move right now.

So many questions but why didn’t he work for 2 whole years? It sounds as if you are the main breadwinner so why is he calling the shots?

I’d have very cold feet about this relationship I’m afraid.

AriettyHomily · 25/08/2020 17:50

What on earth is a semi millionaire?

He sounds like a cocklodger and I'd be running from the house and the relationship.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 25/08/2020 17:52

So he didn’t work for two years leaving you to support him and two children. He’s pushing you into buying a house bigger than what you need (sounds arrogant). He’s moody and aggressive. You are clearly somewhat frightened of him. You’re worried about talking to him. Why are you even with this man? Let alone looking to buy a house with him. I wouldn’t want this person around my children

thepeopleversuswork · 25/08/2020 17:53

@AriettyHomily

What on earth is a semi millionaire?

He sounds like a cocklodger and I'd be running from the house and the relationship.

This. He's been living off you for two years.

LTB.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 25/08/2020 17:54

Hang on? Did he actually give up his job as soon as he moved into your house? Blatant cocklodger. You’re getting taken for a ride here

Sewrainbow · 25/08/2020 17:58

Not boding well by the sound of it. Even if it is stress talking then it's not an appropriate way to deal with it or treat you.

I'd go no further with house purchase at the moment especially as it seems that it's being driven by him but funded by you.

Personally I'd be looking at ending things if he isn't prepared to talk about it further or manage his anger.

nc600 · 25/08/2020 18:01

Semi-millionaire? So he had 500k but walked away from it and then sat on his arse sponging from you for the next 2 years?

Nah....sod that

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 25/08/2020 18:02

Unless and until you know, for sure, with proof, what is going on, do NOT tie yourself financially to him, or get in any deeper. There is obviously something going on, and until you know just what, you have you and your children to think of! Tread carefully.

MulticolourMophead · 25/08/2020 18:03

What would I do?

Dump. And fast.

If he's a semi millionaire, then why are you paying for everything?

And I wouldn't move house.

TorkTorkBam · 25/08/2020 18:05

Is this right...

Eight years ago he walked out on his wife and children. He says it was because she only wanted him for his money.

He gave ALL his possessions to her and the children.

Presumably this means he does not pay child maintenance now?

At the same time he also gave up his well paid job.

What did he then do for work, housing, parenting?

Then for 3.5 years after separating (4.5 years ago) he met you and you started dating.

1.5 years after meeting you he gave up work completely, gave up his own place and moved in with you. You paid for everything for two years.

Recently he started working again, following pressure from you.

Recently he decided he wants to live in a nicer house so he pressured you to upgrade and even chose a house for you, which you like. You would be paying and owning everything.

He is being a dickhead to people involved.

There is no mention of his children where they live, how often he sees them and what his property needs are for that.

Cocklodger. He only want you for your money. Just like he accused his ex-wife of. I seriously doubt his story of their break up is true.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 25/08/2020 18:06

What madness is this. He's an arse.
Kick him out and live happily in the house you are in with your kids. Show them how a woman should treated, not how a woman is taken for granted and used by a cocklodger.

gamerchick · 25/08/2020 18:08

Any dude who bangs on about woman only being after him for his money is probably a dud. I wouldn't be buying a house with someone who's scrounged off you for years.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 25/08/2020 18:11

He sounds like an unstable arse who's been letting you foot his life. Why are you with him?

TorkTorkBam · 25/08/2020 18:11

I wonder if he is lining up the next woman now.

Telling her you only want him for his money.

Telling her he is leaving you but will not take anything himself, he will give you absolutely everything: house, car, savings the lot. And she will see that he does indeed leave with little more than the shirt on his back.

He will tell her how stressful his work is (that enabled him to pay for all this stuff). He's a semi-millionaire don't you know.

She will hate you for being a crazy gold digging ex. She will dote on poor little him who has suffered so much and let him mooch off her "to recover". In a couple of years time she will make him get a job and he will move on to the next mug.

That's my cynical take on it anyway.

Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 25/08/2020 18:13

If its so out of character I do wonder if he's blowing up from guilt as a smokescreen because his own finances are not what they seem? Are you sure he walked away from 500K? Have you seen his bank statements? Is he a walter mitty? he's certainly a cocklodger if he gave up his job and sponged off you for 2 years

My xbil blew his top when the mortgage advisor spotted his ccj monthly payments that he conveniently had "forgotten" about when applying for a mortgage with DSis. He seriously thought no-one would spot it in his monthly outgoings!
It was the start of the end of that relationship when all his lies began to unravel ...

katy1213 · 25/08/2020 18:14

Unemployed ex-semi-millionaire is a cocklodger with a talent for PR.
As he has brought nothing to the table except his nasty-tempered self, you won't miss when you show him the door.

SlightlyJaded · 25/08/2020 18:15

This is bullshit

He is using you to buy a house that you haven't had any say in

He is using you for money

He is not a semi-millionaire (whatever the fuck that means). He is skint and a cocklodger of the highest order. He is also a moody, rude and potentially controlling.

ErinBrockovich · 25/08/2020 18:16

his back story is he was a semi millionaire professionally
Don’t know why but this phrase plus the rest of the story just screamed con artist to me.

Might be the fact that now it’s getting close to finalising the house buy he’s suddenly had a massive personality change. Have you actually seen evidence of any of his money or leaving everything to his ex story?

Feels like the back story to something you’d read in a magazine. The second part is where he does a runner.

TriciaMcMillan · 25/08/2020 18:17

Seriously though, what is a semi millionaire professionally or otherwise??

sycamorecottage · 25/08/2020 18:17

Tell him you don't want to move. It's your house, you paid for it, you like it and that's that.

And if he isn't prepared to accept that, then he can jolly well clear off and find his own place to live.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/08/2020 18:18

TorkTork
This would be my suspicion as well.

He’s forcing you to buy a bigger place. You don’t want it by the sound of him. He’s been sponging off you for years. The millionaire bs sounds highly suspicious. People, who can make money in business will make it again. Not sit on their arse for a few years and get a job in company. Sounds very fishy.

honeyrider · 25/08/2020 18:18

He's taking you for a ride, too many red flags, run.

Krampusasbabysitter · 25/08/2020 18:19

Has he got a diamond-studded cock OP? Otherwise, I struggle to see the attraction with such an ill-mannered, sponging fuck nugget.