He's going nuts! always angry but says he isn't!

[portobella]

So I'm stuck and feel really bad right now.

The back story is my partner and I have been together for 4.5 years. We moved in together 2 years ago with me financially paying for everything. He didn't have a job for two years. I have two teenage children who I also pay for solely.

We had a chat and since that chat, he has found a job (recently) and I have been able to relax a little. Not so hand to mouth and really appreciate the help.

(his back story is he was a semi millionaire professionally (really) and he left his wife and his job in one fell swoop (as he couldn't take it any more citing she was only with him for the money in the end and the job he hated) They ended 8 years ago. Get on ok now for the kids - left her everything.

Fast forward and last few weeks, he has become miserable.. Totally snappy and irritated and 'angry', for no apparent reason - (we get on really well - or so I believe.)

Most recently he wanted to move house - to a nicer one - bigger than we need - but not too much more in the price - so in making the negotiations - he has called out the realtor, got mad and angry at the owner - accusing them of trying to rip him off etc etc.. and can't quite seem to keep it together.

He is not usually like this - at all.. He is a great negotiator but seems to think now everyone is taking advantage of him or trying to manipulate him.. and he is having none of it.

The realtor only asked for a tax report (for me, not him which is totally normal) THey have since come back and tried to push a little the upfront payment terms but it is an easy no we agreed x not y and onwards you go. but no he totally freaked out, put the phone down on me was swearing completely Cookoo - I was asking why are you so angry - it's easy to just state our terms and tell them theirs are not what we agreed.. negotiation! boy did i get it.

I have asked him what is going on and he has snapped at me massively saying how dare I psychoanalyse him and he is fine etc etc more or less who do I think I am.

I am planning on taking the kids to see it this evening but now really don't want to as they will love it and I'm totally confused.

I have taken over the negotiations but wonder whether I should bother. He is clearly going through something.

By the way, it was his idea, his choice of house, his initial negotiations..

and suddenly he is out of character angry at everyone and seemingly like he want s to jeopardise this move?

IABU - leave him to work it out alone

IANBU - force him to talk, even if it means something untoward is amis..

I'm really stressing and feel bad energy - I can not put my finger on it - (he is aggressive towards me also - with his words) but never has been before.. and he is claiming he is fine??

Any advice will be totally appreciated.

FWIW, the realtor as you mentioned, asking for tax details etc seems to have really rattled him. My gut instinct tells me that his lies and cover-up
Of financial status is at risk of being uncovered by them, so he's freaking out. Is this plausible OP?

I hope you're ok.

If it helps you come to terms with it, you can rationalise that he is not consciously conning you. Some people genuinely feel:
a) they are entitled to a nice life
b) they feel discomfort more than others, e.g. works gives them the anxiety.
c) they make the logical jump that other people should deliver the nice life to them.
d) They truly believe others are big meanies if they refuse to fund/build/organise the poor troubled man/woman's life.

My mum is like this.

When I see people like this, including my mother, I think of them likee unpleasant spoiled children. It's like they never progressed past the toddler stage of I want. Mine. I want. It is mine. Waaaaah. You are soooo mean for saying no. I will scream and scream until I am sick.

They seem so earnest and plausible. You feel sorry for them. You can fall into the trap of doing everything for them. Then one day after you've worked a long week and they've not because of they go all woe is me because you raised an eyebrow at the dishwasher not being loaded. You see loading the dishwasher is so terribly soul destroying for them. They want clean dishes though. Which means they think you MUST do it for them and are completely and utterly unreasonable to expect them to do something they don't particularly want to do.

I think this is happening with his job. I bet he feels genuinely aggreived that he has to go through the discomfort of working when you could just give him everything like before.

Now he is working he may well be thinking that working men of his age usually part own a property and so he should have one too. His lack of work over the years means he doesn't have the deposit or assets but he still feels entitled to have it so he made the entirely logical (to him) step of expecting you to give him half a house.

Maybe not a conniving conman. More of an entitled man child who truly believes your role is to ensure he never feels any twinge of discomfort.

This sounds similar to a situation I have heard before. Turns out he was a conman! We was all shocked as he was ‘the nicest bloke’ but I suppose that’s how they get away with it for so long.

I bet he went bankrupt & still has money issues. If his wife only wanted him for his money he'd siphon off some to a tax haven before divorcing,that's what rich people do(ex legal secretary).

Hope you're ok. This must be a lot to take in.
Please confide in someone you trust in real life.

Bankruptcies are public records, and you can search for them in the London Gazette, here.