He's going nuts! always angry but says he isn't!

[portobella]

So I'm stuck and feel really bad right now.

The back story is my partner and I have been together for 4.5 years. We moved in together 2 years ago with me financially paying for everything. He didn't have a job for two years. I have two teenage children who I also pay for solely.

We had a chat and since that chat, he has found a job (recently) and I have been able to relax a little. Not so hand to mouth and really appreciate the help.

(his back story is he was a semi millionaire professionally (really) and he left his wife and his job in one fell swoop (as he couldn't take it any more citing she was only with him for the money in the end and the job he hated) They ended 8 years ago. Get on ok now for the kids - left her everything.

Fast forward and last few weeks, he has become miserable.. Totally snappy and irritated and 'angry', for no apparent reason - (we get on really well - or so I believe.)

Most recently he wanted to move house - to a nicer one - bigger than we need - but not too much more in the price - so in making the negotiations - he has called out the realtor, got mad and angry at the owner - accusing them of trying to rip him off etc etc.. and can't quite seem to keep it together.

He is not usually like this - at all.. He is a great negotiator but seems to think now everyone is taking advantage of him or trying to manipulate him.. and he is having none of it.

The realtor only asked for a tax report (for me, not him which is totally normal) THey have since come back and tried to push a little the upfront payment terms but it is an easy no we agreed x not y and onwards you go. but no he totally freaked out, put the phone down on me was swearing completely Cookoo - I was asking why are you so angry - it's easy to just state our terms and tell them theirs are not what we agreed.. negotiation! boy did i get it.

I have asked him what is going on and he has snapped at me massively saying how dare I psychoanalyse him and he is fine etc etc more or less who do I think I am.

I am planning on taking the kids to see it this evening but now really don't want to as they will love it and I'm totally confused.

I have taken over the negotiations but wonder whether I should bother. He is clearly going through something.

By the way, it was his idea, his choice of house, his initial negotiations..

and suddenly he is out of character angry at everyone and seemingly like he want s to jeopardise this move?

IABU - leave him to work it out alone

IANBU - force him to talk, even if it means something untoward is amis..

I'm really stressing and feel bad energy - I can not put my finger on it - (he is aggressive towards me also - with his words) but never has been before.. and he is claiming he is fine??

Any advice will be totally appreciated.

Hahah what piffle

I wonder if he ‘gave’ all his money to his ex because it was in fact all hers to begin with, and he just floats through life sponging off women

His much hyped negotiating skills sound on a par with how toddlers try and negotiate not going to bed because they’re not tired, while flinging themselves around and wailing with exhaustion

What's a semi-millionaire? Is that what he told you? Having 500K in the bank isn't a massive amount of money for a lot of people these days, and if he's not earned anything in the last 2 years, there won't be a lot of it left. It all sounds very dubious and I wouldn't be surprised if he's conning you.

PMSL at semi millionaire.

Sounds like he wants you to think he's some jolly paragon of charitable generosity when in reality he's a big lame bum.

Shamelessly place marking to find out wtf a “semi millionaire professionally” means 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh dear God OP please tell me you cannot be this gullible.

So he left everything to his ex wife did he, no he didn't. Because he's never been a "demi-millionaire" and it was all her money. men just do not leave their ex wives and walk off with nothing unless it wasn't theirs in the first place.

Now you are going to buy a house with this guy? I do hope his name isn't going on the deeds because if it is you are going to lose half your house in a year or two.

And then just after you make him get a job he suddenly gets grumpy and bad tempered, why do you think that is? Because he is being forced to give up his life of unemployed comfort and work and he is angry.

You are being "done", robbed, worked over, used, being taken advantage of.

He is a typical cock lodger and when you stop providing for him he will take whatever he can and move onto the next gullible single parent.

Trust me, this has happened to me twice now and all of the red flags are there.

I could be retired early, have paid off my mortgage and living off a very comfortable pension by now if I hadn't been such a fool. This will not end well so do not buy this house and get rid of him. Wake up before it's too late.

@portobella

And we are financially stable - the company and accounts are all in my name and I have complete access.. so... (and could do it alone if I really had to.. SO..

It all being in your name feels like some kind of tax dodge or done because he is/was bankrupt.

Some points to consider:

1. He's unstable
2. He made no attempt to support you or your family until you made him seek employment (under duress).
3. The reasons for walking away from his ex sound dubious
4. He has taken full control of deciding to upsize your house, negotiating everything. This is your money.
5. He's angry that you have become involved in the house negotiations. He may feel threatened that his accounts/tax reports will be requested.
6. He's behaving aggressively towards you

This effectively shuts down all conversation of the above points.

I've put point 6 in bold. You should never have to endure aggression or abuse. If his reaction to stress is aggression aimed at you, then this is A Very Bad Sign. There's no excuse.

LTB. Basically by the time you are questioning your relationship on Mumsnet it's the only answer.

Can you please explain what "semi millionaire professionally" is??

The whole thing does not add up and I think he's a cocklodger. He lived with you for 2 years not working and not contributing because he had no job and no money because apparently he gave his wife ALL of his money and possessions in the divorce settlement. How did that happen?? Why would anyone do that?

He's found a job and now he's snappy and aggressive. Sounds to me like he's workshy and pissed off at having to work.
I would just bin him off to be honest. Absolutely waste of space and he will only get worse.
He'll be in that job for a matter of months before he gets fired or quits with a woe-is-me story and then you'll be left paying for everything again including a more expensive house.

The first thing you need to do is to pull out of the house purchase. Then re-evaluate the whole situation.

I would be digging into his life with his wife and kids, something smells rotten in the state of Denmark tbh.

So it was all fine and dandy while he was sitting on his arse leaving you to pay for everything, but since he had to get a job at your insistence he’s turned into a big ball of stress taking it out on everyone around him. Ffs OP put your kids first and tell this man to fucking do one!

I am distraught that I have put the kids to bed, gone to the gym, come home and we still don't know what a semi millionaire professionally is.

Please God OP, tell us you've set up this business, that is in your sole name, but I'm presuming is his 'job', in such a way that you personally are not liable for any of its (soon to appear I fear) debts! I'm presuming he also has access to all business accounts that are in your sole name and have overdraft facilities?

Have you ever seen any proof of his high flying professional semi-millionaire (wtf?) career and divorce settlement where he gave everything to his ex wife? Other than his word? Have you never questioned why a well paid man would give everything to a woman he says was only interested in his money? If it's not a total lie, then it was a total breakdown that he obviously has not recovered from.

This is so clearly a cocklodging conman with a loose grip on reality that I'm gobsmacked anyone would be considering buying a house with him - let alone letting him deal with all the legalities and finances. It's like you're walking into a financial disaster with your fingers in your ears singing lalala loudly.

Not sure why I'm bothering posting as OP doesn't seem to be returning.

Too many red flags there. He is all talk and no cash. Been there. That type are very plausible but not at all trustworthy.
Make sure the current house and all other assets are in your name
Get rid of him

He is conning you. Semi-millionaire professionally my arse.

He is a dickhead. Why are you with him? Dump.

Go no further down the route of the new house purchase, and chuck him out of the one you are currently living in. This will surely not improve with time.

Wtaf is a "semi millionaire"?!

I'm a deci-millionaire, in that case, haha.

Can you talk to his ex to hear her side of the story?

What do you get out of this proposed house purchase?
Is there anyway you can get out of it if you stop the negociations now, without losing any deposits?

Is he getting “angry” because you are questioning him?

He sounds like a leech to me.

OP, is this Mark Acklom who you are describing? Seriously, the dates you have been with him do not co-incide with the dates when Mark Acklom was sent down. to be a guest of Her Majesty, for romance fraud on a grand scale. Please google, as it did not end well for his last victim, she lost a fortune to a professional deceiver and fantasist.

The fact is he has no idea how to conduct house buying negotiations in a professional manner and seems completely unaware of the protocol. Professional business man my arse.

Agree with everyone else; he's a blagger. Do not put his name on your company accounts or the house deeds.

yes more than half.. his idea..

HAHa a semi millionaire is he was on paper with all his assets but through what earned not in the bank cash flow.

Most people in The south east (England, I'm assuming you are in the US) are semi millionaires by that definition.

I think I'll take to calling myself a semi millionaire.

What actual tangible proof do you have of his previous life? Find some.

What was he doing when you met him if he had signed all his assets over to his ex wife and had no income?
How was he supporting himself?

Why are you laughing at the semi millionaire jokes Op? Aren't you concerned that you might be entertaining some sort of Mark Acklom character? Are there any warning bells ringing for you?