He's going nuts! always angry but says he isn't!

[portobella]

So I'm stuck and feel really bad right now.

The back story is my partner and I have been together for 4.5 years. We moved in together 2 years ago with me financially paying for everything. He didn't have a job for two years. I have two teenage children who I also pay for solely.

We had a chat and since that chat, he has found a job (recently) and I have been able to relax a little. Not so hand to mouth and really appreciate the help.

(his back story is he was a semi millionaire professionally (really) and he left his wife and his job in one fell swoop (as he couldn't take it any more citing she was only with him for the money in the end and the job he hated) They ended 8 years ago. Get on ok now for the kids - left her everything.

Fast forward and last few weeks, he has become miserable.. Totally snappy and irritated and 'angry', for no apparent reason - (we get on really well - or so I believe.)

Most recently he wanted to move house - to a nicer one - bigger than we need - but not too much more in the price - so in making the negotiations - he has called out the realtor, got mad and angry at the owner - accusing them of trying to rip him off etc etc.. and can't quite seem to keep it together.

He is not usually like this - at all.. He is a great negotiator but seems to think now everyone is taking advantage of him or trying to manipulate him.. and he is having none of it.

The realtor only asked for a tax report (for me, not him which is totally normal) THey have since come back and tried to push a little the upfront payment terms but it is an easy no we agreed x not y and onwards you go. but no he totally freaked out, put the phone down on me was swearing completely Cookoo - I was asking why are you so angry - it's easy to just state our terms and tell them theirs are not what we agreed.. negotiation! boy did i get it.

I have asked him what is going on and he has snapped at me massively saying how dare I psychoanalyse him and he is fine etc etc more or less who do I think I am.

I am planning on taking the kids to see it this evening but now really don't want to as they will love it and I'm totally confused.

I have taken over the negotiations but wonder whether I should bother. He is clearly going through something.

By the way, it was his idea, his choice of house, his initial negotiations..

and suddenly he is out of character angry at everyone and seemingly like he want s to jeopardise this move?

IABU - leave him to work it out alone

IANBU - force him to talk, even if it means something untoward is amis..

I'm really stressing and feel bad energy - I can not put my finger on it - (he is aggressive towards me also - with his words) but never has been before.. and he is claiming he is fine??

Any advice will be totally appreciated.

So he got a job or did you give him a job in your business.
Are you selling your home to buy one with this dickhead? Kiss goodbye to your asset op

God, I hope you are waking up!

He gets a job and then gets crabby. Of course he does, he doesn't like working! Is he working for your company?

His children go to a prestigious private school and he doesn't contribute. Either his ex-wife or her family is paying for it. If she's maintained the same standard of living post-divorce it's because the money was hers/her family's to start with.

He walked away from their marriage with nothing. See above. Either that or his behaviour during that marriage was so abominable that he had absolutely no choice. Either way he's a liar, and that's a dealbreaker.

He leeched off his mother. Well, nothing more need be said about that as it says plenty about him that a grown man would live off his (probably) elderly mother.

He expects YOU to buy a bigger house and GIVE him half of it. Read that out loud. Read it again. Does it in any way sound fair or right to you?

Oh god this is all ringing so true and yet I don't think it's true - FFS what am I doing..?? The real question is now that you've realized it, what are you going to do?

Oh please tell me you're not really taken in by this cocklodger. Please.

he is a Cockfosters who targets well off women. His ex is happy because she got rid of him.

He has little work ethic to have sat around doing nothing for so long, living off of you. Contributing what to his kids?

I would imagine that the ex did the same. Eventually had enough, made him get a job and he turned nasty and left the job and her.

I doubt he was ever any kind of millionaire (not even monopoly), she is and was and remains so.

If you sign a single asset over to him or jointly with him you are seriously crazy.

Oh and up your contraception. Triple it.

How is he generous?

He's a parasite.

You live in Spain?
Do the ex-wife and children live there too?

Cockfosters? Cocklodger bastard phone

@portobella

That had crossed my mind and actually was the icing n the cake in our discussion.. I am not going to live like it any more either he gets a job and helps or he moves out - simple. I don't want to be in a relationship like it any more - and since he has found a job, i assume all was well, it the first two months, but steadily his personality is taking a hit.. he really is kind and generous it is actually a change I haven't seen before which I think i would have in 4.5 years no?

You said "get a job or leave".

He got a job.

Then he said give me half of your assets for free. He started organising getting half of your assets.

You said, yeah, OK, seeing as you got a job for two months that seems reasonable.

He starts openly being a dick to you and to others. You finally start to think, "hey, hang on a minute."

He owes you a lot of money. More than two years free B&B. I do hope he is making sure his wages are going to repay the debt to you.

You spent money on his food, clothing and entertainment that should have gone on you and on your children. I guess you have not been building up savings for your children's prestigious university education.

Right, he is a grown up, so if he is not ill, he is meant to pay his way into your life together. Any decent person would contribute to the household they are in. I do understand that there are not small children to look after? And that he is not massively renovating your home on his own to increase the value or anything like this? So if there is nothing else like these, I think he was taking the piss, and he is pissed off that the great life is over! I would not buy this house at least you do want it (even without him in the equation). And if he is not putting money, I would not add him to the mortgage.

Please to God dont tell me you are actually signing anything over to him?

What is he expecting? You to sign away half of all your assets? Potentially stealing from your children?

I am so shocked 😲

He is letting his true colours show now he thinks the deal is done. Now he has you exactly where he wants you.

Let you keep him for 2 fucking years now wants a house.

If he has a company you have the access why has he been not able to provide anything and had to get a job,
Or is your company?
Do not let him have anything to do with your company.
This trick hes playing with the house is enough!!!

IABU - leave him to work it out alone FTFY 😉

QQ: what is a semi millionaire professionally?

Can you be an unprofessional semi millionaire? Should it be typed as "semi-millionaire" or is the hyphen incorrect?

his back story is he was a semi millionaire professionally (really) and he left his wife and his job in one fell swoop as he couldn't take it any more citing she was only with him for the money in the end and the job he hated. They ended 8 years ago. Get on ok now for the kids - left her everything.

I wouldn't believe a word of that.

She was only with him for his semi-millionaire status/money?

He earned this semi-millionaire working a job he hated?

He let her walk off with everything? House? Money/equity?

AND left his job... So what did he live on until you came along to pay everything for him?

He has been living off you and has only (recently, you said) got employment? So now you can take it easier?

Can you genuinely not think why he is angry, moody, snappy etc? Because if you cant you need to work it out quickly!

He wants a nicer, bigger house than the one you're already providing him with? I wonder who'll be paying the lions share?

Perhaps read my 2st sentence again?

Maybe he's getting angry because he's realised his lies are about to be exposed?

Please dont tie yourself to him financially. Whatever a semi millionaire is, they dont live off their mothers' pensions.

Please dont sign anything without getting proper financial/legal advice

If he throws a tantrum about you getting proper advice, that is another red flag

His backstory is that he’s Mr Angry, Billy Bullshitter and Cocky Cocklodger rolled into one.

I’d stay in your house that you fully own and let him negotiate buying his own house with his own money!

do we know what a " semi millionaire professionally" actually is yet?

he really is kind and generous it is actually a change I haven't seen before which I think i would have in 4.5 years no?

What has he been 'kind and generous' with in the last 4.5 years, OP? His money? No!

I'd say it's easy enough to pretend to be kind if you're being financiallly supported and looked after by another adult, OP...

He leeched off his ex wife, off his mother, and off you.

By the way, it was his idea, his choice of house, his initial negotiations.

With your money?? What a flaming cheek!

Fast forward and last few weeks, he has become miserable.. Totally snappy and irritated and 'angry', for no apparent reason

That 'reason' will be the fact that you're forcing him to get off his arse and actually do some work to support himself.

OP, I hope you wake up and smell the roses... You deserve better.

he seems really like a lost soul and a genuine person
How does a woman who runs her own business be this fuckin naive??
He lived off his elderly mother then moved in with you and sponges off you??
Do not buy a house with this loser, pack his bags and send him back to mummy.
Why would you even start a relationship with an unemployed sponger??

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING OVER TO HIM OR PUT HIS NAME ON ANYTHING.

This is a con man. It's really obvious! There are NO assets he owns. As everyone else has said - he clearly has sponged his way from person to person.

The second you've started to question and force him to start contributing he's started to show his nature.

It's YOUR home, YOUR money, YOUR children (and their future and all your assets) and HE'S the one saying right, 'we' are going to buy a bigger house?!

FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.

Get rid, right now. Before he walks away with half the value of your house.

Sweet merciful Jesus. This is not a good man. Keep your current house.

I'm amazed you swanned off with your children to show them the new house for your con man, after all the responses to your post, and lightbulbs going off in your head, or so you said. Sweet lord. You don't even seem to need his help to stitch yourself up.

Are you ok OP?

Can you get this moved to Relationships? Too many MN'ers here who like to stick the boot in and claim it to be the style of AIBU.

By the sounds of it, you've been utterly duped. This must be heart-breaking to read and needs time to absorb.

I would reiterate what others have said - protect your finances now. Don't sign anything over - think about your DC's future.

Are you able to contact the exW? Have you ever spoken to her? Sorry if I've missed some info.