To think you're not allowed to be proud of breastfeeding any more....

[TheatreJunkie84]

NOT a breast is best thread.

I've had the journey from hell. Tongue tie, painful feeds, thrush, not gaining weight, shitty latch, literally everything except low supply....but here I am 3 months in still going, on a combination of formula, pumped milk and boob.

I posted on a local baby group today a picture of me feeding, with a caption about how proud I was to still be going at nearly 3 months despite all the crap...thanking my local group and its peer supporters for their role in keeping me going and encouraging others to seek their help as they were so lovely and wonderful.

It started off well...messages of congrats and other stories of the peer supporters helping out new mums. Suddenly out of nowhere I got called arrogant and told I should have some respect for all the mums that choose to formula feed and I shouldn't throw be throwing it down everyones necks. Before I knew it loads of other mums all joined in, basically saying breastfeeding is nothing to be proud of and I should shut up. Things along the lines of 'big whoop you can feed your baby I cant so this makes you better than me? Piss off.'

I quickly deleted it, feeling really ashamed of myself. I'm on the verge tears now every time I think about it. Am I being unreasonable here? I honestly wanted to give up so many times....but the local group kept me going and if posting about my success can encourage other mums to seek their help then that's surely only a good thing?

I don't know.

Well done you OP. 👍 Having to cope with all those things with a newborn couldn’t have been easy.

Formula is reconstitited cows milk made so babies can digest it
Whilst you have given baby human milk which is and should be the norm, whilst others for their own reasons choose formula, does not undermine the absolute dedication and effort it takes to breastfeed for 3 months.

This says to me I am a dedicated mother who made an effort and dedicated myself to breastfeed and not feed my baby reconstituted cows milk. I BF but you be honest a lot of BF mothers come across a little superior and this is an example

It's really odd this myth being voiced on this thread that women who breastfeed their babies are miserable, and women who formula feed are happy.

If that were true then why are breastfeeding mums smug, and formula feeding mothers in need of having their feelings protected?

You can't have it both ways.

@SnuggyBuggy

Why should we have to pretend that breastmilk and formula are the same? It's not passing judgement on any individuals situation to talk about the benefits of breastmilk.

If we could manufacture human breastmilk in the same way we manufacture human insulin we'd obviously be using that instead of formula.

No one is saying its better not to feed babies at all. Formula isn't bad it just doesn't have everything breastmilk has.

We don't have to pretend anything at all. Just make your choice, do what suits your family and stop expecting a round of applause and a shiny medal for doing stuff that's nobody's business but yours. Simple.

Hi OP, I'd be proud - it's tough. BF didn't work out for me long-term, so I moved onto mixed and then FF. I felt judged by some for FF. I think it's helpful to point out a group that helped you, think it's good that others can see that it's not always easy (it is often made out to be a lot easier than it is), think you should be proud. However, it can be a sensitive subject, sleep deprivation and hormones run high - some women may perceive it that you were saying you loved your baby more/weren't aware of other issues they had/inferring they were failures etc, rather than simply being pleased for another mum coming out the other side of a difficult journey and sharing what helped her. Well done OP!

@SnuggyBuggy we dont manufacture human insulin. We manufacture synthetic insulin to replace human insulin that is no longer being produced.

Ultimately anyone getting upset at a mother expressing pride at their breastfeeding journey is only getting upset because of their own internal guilt. Nothing to do with the other person. Even if that person is incredibly smug.

I wouldn't be annoyed by someone being extremely smug at say having a massive house, or being child-free, or having some fancy corporate job - because those are not goals I aspire to. I may feel a bit jealous at the house because I do secretly wish I could have a bigger house but I certainly wouldn't care about the others, even if the person was v smug and suggesting others were inferior if they made different choices. I wouldn't care one bit about it because ultimately I don't agree, I'm comfortable with my choices and decisions on those topics... it would be different if someone was smug about doing something I wish I could do / could have done. But ultimately it would be my problem.

I think we need to recognise that.

Getting cross that someone is proud (or even smug! We're all allowed to be smug if we want to) to bf, or indeed proud of any other random achievement or parenting choice, isn't going to get us anywhere. The question is why are we feeling cross and what can we do about it?

But by being told that it's smug to celebrate achieving my breastfeeding goals I am being told I have to pretend this. The issue of breastfeeding and support for doing it goes beyond the individual.

@SnuggyBuggy. @gottakeeponmovin

As I posted earlier both bf and ff give babies an excellent start in life and neither means you are a better or more dedicated parent.

Very good post oblada

[quote Wolfgirrl]@SnuggyBuggy we dont manufacture human insulin. We manufacture synthetic insulin to replace human insulin that is no longer being produced.[/quote]
It's human insulin in that it's molecularly identical to natural human insulin. Before that we used animal insulin but it was found human insulin worked better.

You should not have deleted your post. If other feel inadequate by your post that's on them, those who don't, will either pass it by or congratulate on your determination to continue.

[quote 1940s]@Letmegetthisrightasawoman there has already been a poster on this thread stating that formula is better than breastmilk. [/quote]
Really?! That's ridiculous!

[quote Parker231]**@SnuggyBuggy. @gottakeeponmovin

As I posted earlier both bf and ff give babies an excellent start in life and neither means you are a better or more dedicated parent.[/quote]
I never said anything about anyone being a better parent.

@gottakeeponmovin

Formula is reconstitited cows milk made so babies can digest it Whilst you have given baby human milk which is and should be the norm, whilst others for their own reasons choose formula, does not undermine the absolute dedication and effort it takes to breastfeed for 3 months.

This says to me I am a dedicated mother who made an effort and dedicated myself to breastfeed and not feed my baby reconstituted cows milk. I BF but you be honest a lot of BF mothers come across a little superior and this is an example

But formula IS reconstitited cows milk. Formula companies use everything in their power to make it attractive. Bottle companies encourage it by making cute bottles. It is understandable people think that formula is the superior option for them-which it may well be. Breastfeeding promotes hormones in mother and baby and has in it different substances at night to encourage baby to sleep, antibodies if they are ill and so on. Saying that does not make judgements. It just is what it is The Uk has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world and most mothers give up by thd 6-8 week health visitor review. Increased support is necessary but so is a total change of lifestyle and community yo allow postpartum women to do what their bodies are designed to do-feed their babies. We are expected to be up doing the weekly shop when babies are a few days old. We should be sat in bed still, feeding, with support to do the rest of stuff. Likewise there should be feeding peer supporters available whenever they are needed The benefits of breastfeeding include reduced cancer diabetes and sids risk. Lower risk of chest infections and bowel disorders. Reduced breast cancer rates in the mother The benefits are enormous

OP congratulations. I get it. My DS was prem, I had a CSection, he had to go into NICU and was tube fed for the first few days. The odds were stacked against me successfully BF so, when on his fifth day in NICU he successfully latched and got going the midwife looking after him danced around celebrating our joint effort. He went onto to BF until he was nearly two.
He is now 6’3” 15yr old with the constitution of an ox. It was so worth the struggle in the early days. I fully understand that it is a choice and I would never berate anyone for not BF but when you have managed to succeed when the odds are stacked against you you have every right to feel proud.
Ignore the comments, and pat yourself on the back.

If you're feeding, loving and clothing your baby, you're a good mum and deserve to feel proud. When our babies are adults no one will be able to tell how they were fed as a baby, nor will anyone give a shite. This is anyone of any gender giving women a hard time.

We place so much emphasis on it, but there are positive and negatives to doing both. My DD breastfeeds like a bloody champion and its so nice sometimes, but refuses a bottle of expressed milk, and screams murder when we try so the negative is I am wrecked and sometimes spend the day in tears.

Fed is best.

@oblada inherent in 'smugness' is the fact that you managed something that somebody else did not. Inherently it suggests (in this context) that you persevered where others failed. That is why its so emotive when it comes to breastfeeding. As has been stated, a huge number of people DO aspire to breastfeeding but can't make it work. That's why its probably not the best thing to be smug in a mother and baby group.

The 'breast is best' mantra appears to have done little except increase guilt and unhappiness amongst new mothers. There have been several mentions of PND on this thread. Yes some people will still bleat about feeding 'reconstituted cows milk' and present it as a harmless statement of fact rather than a barbed put down.

Hi OP

Haven't read the whole thread but well done for managing to keep breastfeeding for so long. It is hard hard work and IMO you should feel proud. But I agree with you, in that this isn't something you can share with others as openly as you think you should be able to. I was like you and felt so happy that I kept going despite all the challenges. Ignore the hate and be proud but be careful who you share your personal achievement with.

Well done OP, you should be proud of breastfeeding. Don't let others make you feel disheartened! You are not judging them and how they respond to you says more about them and it does you.

@plplz how old is your daughter? Well done for getting so far, I hope it all gets a bit easier soon for you.

@Janejones12

You're doing the usual trick of trotting out all the amazing benefits of bfing without quantifying them. The differences between a ff baby and a bf baby really are negligible.

I was ebf, I am a type 1 diabetic. All my family bf yet we all have autoimmune conditions.

OH was fully ff and has the constitution of an ox, is never had anything worse than athletes foot and never gets colds.

I know that's not how statistics 'work', but to make out there is even a noticeable difference just is not correct.

If breastfeeding triggers you then you are bitter and that’s your own issue.
Breastfeeding is the biological normal thing to do and shouldn’t have to be celebrated.
To make formula a cow is impregnated then has her calf torn away from her just so we can use it’s milk to feed human babies?!?! Wtf is this crazy world?!?!
If you are triggered by a breast feeder then that’s on you. Own your decision.
Formula advertising is what is killing breastfeeding rates and it’s sickening how they are able to get away with it!

@Dinosaurpooped

If breastfeeding triggers you then you are bitter and that’s your own issue. Breastfeeding is the biological normal thing to do and shouldn’t have to be celebrated. To make formula a cow is impregnated then has her calf torn away from her just so we can use it’s milk to feed human babies?!?! Wtf is this crazy world?!?! If you are triggered by a breast feeder then that’s on you. Own your decision. Formula advertising is what is killing breastfeeding rates and it’s sickening how they are able to get away with it!

Own your decision?

Have you read this thread?! You exemplify the problem.

The benefits of breastfeeding include reduced cancer diabetes and sids risk. Lower risk of chest infections and bowel disorders. Reduced breast cancer rates in the mother. The benefits are enormous

I was staggered when I found out that in actual fact, the only one of these benefits that’s statistically significant when adjusting for demographic factors is breast cancer in the mother. The only one of the benefits you’ve listed that can be properly evidenced is the one that’s a benefit to the mother, not the child, yet it’s the one that’s discussed the least.

The other things you’ve mentioned do not have a strong evidence base behind them. The benefits in this country are grossly overstated. It’s treating women like idiots by exaggerating when that’s completely unnecessary because breastfeeding is good thing to do for mother and baby without attributing all kinds of other shit to it that the evidence just doesn’t support.