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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that we weren't invited to bil+sil baby shower

171 replies

Soapysoap · 23/08/2020 23:03

Just that really. Whole family there or invited, both sides, men, women and kids, not just the women. And my DH, DC and I were just left out of it all, didn't even know about it.
Now it's not the new parents at fault, it was a surprise to them, so they didn't know. But mil was there (and we have always got on great) so she knew, and so did the rest of dh family.
It's like we're just forgotten about.
Pictures are all over social media, and normally I just brush things off but I feel really hurt this time. I've not commented. But I keep thinking I should. I don't know if I'm being over sensitive. I don't even know what I want from this. Just a vent maybe. Sorry for waffling on.

OP posts:
Flutterpieandpinkieshy · 24/08/2020 15:45

@Akindelle

YABU to want to attend when it’s illegal due to Covid restrictions. How many households were present?
Oh. Do please take your covid policing elsewhere.
Friendsoftheearth · 24/08/2020 15:49

There might be a very good reason, until you have given them a chance to explain no one will be any the wiser.

Keptmanskeeper · 24/08/2020 15:52

I forgot to invite my own parents to my engagement party. I'd just assumed they'd be there because they were the first people I'd told about everything else. They were very nice about it and thankfully were able to come after all but I still feel bad about it decades later.
Perhaps your presence was a given?

Bluesheep8 · 24/08/2020 15:58

*YABU to want to attend when it’s illegal due to Covid restrictions. How many households were present?

Oh. Do please take your covid policing elsewhere.*

Covid policing? Facts are facts - it was illegal.Confused

cologne4711 · 24/08/2020 16:05

I don't need the covid police out trying to tell me my feelings aren't valid

Your feelings are valid, but the point is, you're not currently meant to have that many people at a party. And I don't care that it's allowed for weddings, baby showers are not an event of record. A baby naming/christening would be.

Good, so he should go mad. Maybe he will get some answers. Sitting back quietly seething isnt going to give you an explanation as to why you werent invited is it

But getting back to the point of the thread - THIS!

OverTheRainbow88 · 24/08/2020 16:06

They are guidelines not the law... just saying

piscean10 · 24/08/2020 16:10

Our kids aren't treat equal to some of the grandkids etc. But I don't want to rock the boat. Lots of little things over the years you know. But I don't like drama.

Well theres your answer. You accepted bad treatment all along so this isnt a surprise. Why do you all behave like doormats - off course people will wipe their feet all over you. And this has extended to your kids because they are treated differently.
You cant have it both ways- either speak up or accept it.

Laiste · 24/08/2020 16:17

Isn't it funny. In a real life situation where someone sat and told you they:

  • were the only one left out of a family event and
  • were sad about it

how many people would honestly reply with

  • why are you so demanding?
  • Why on earth would a man want to go?
  • Isn't it illeeeeeeeeegal?
  • how come you didn't you see it going on?

and what else? oh yes

  • why would you want to go to that anyway?

YANBU OP. Get your DH to ask or ask MIL yourself if you want to hear the tone of the convo. yourself.

IAmMeThisIsI · 24/08/2020 16:53

Fuck them ALL. Blank them out.

Cuteypye · 24/08/2020 17:04

It is hurtful and you are justified in feeling put out.

I had similar. When my niece had her baby, dh and I were the only aunt & uncle (out of 6), who weren’t invited to the Christening! I only knew about it when my dsis asked me if I was going!

We had always included the whole family (including my brother, sil and niece) in any celebrations we had! I was upset that we had been left out, but it was probably because my niece is a snob and we aren’t as well off as the rest of her aunts and uncles. Saved a present though, as I was certainly not buying anything, when not invited!

finished31 · 24/08/2020 17:39

YANBU far from it.

For closure you need to find why/who left you out. This would leave very bad taste with me and I'd be stepping back from your DH shitty family.

Bluesheep8 · 24/08/2020 18:29

They are guidelines not the law... just saying

They are the law. People can be fined for breaking them (the law) you can't be fined for breaking guidelines.

honeygirlz · 24/08/2020 18:34

@Bluesheep8

*YABU to want to attend when it’s illegal due to Covid restrictions. How many households were present?

Oh. Do please take your covid policing elsewhere.*

Covid policing? Facts are facts - it was illegal.Confused

Why is it illegal if it was less than a 30 person gathering? Hmm
noss24 · 24/08/2020 18:36

I think baby showers are an event that should be consigned to history and the concern others made re Covid 19 is valid. However, I still think that given the event took place, you should have been invited.

Bluesheep8 · 24/08/2020 18:41

honeygirlz
you can continue to meet in any outdoor space in a group of up to 6 people from different households

Taken from the government website. That's why it's illegal.

GhostTypeEevee · 24/08/2020 18:50

I thought the six outside was guidance but over 30 was banned (therefore illegal)

MrsxRocky · 24/08/2020 18:50

Have to laugh at people banging on about covid rules.
They've been chucking eat out to help out all month.
So you can't catch covid in a pub and restaurant but having a family party is risky?...
I love mums net sometimes 🤣

Bluesheep8 · 24/08/2020 18:52

Whole family there or invited, both sides, men, women and kids, not just the women.
If this was 6 households or less then it was OK. If it was more, it was illegal.

Bluesheep8 · 24/08/2020 18:54

Have to laugh at people banging on about covid rules.

I didn't say I agreed with the ridiculous rules. I was just stating what they are.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 24/08/2020 19:01

Covid is totally irrelevant in the context of the OP
Has she developed her own vaccine then?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 24/08/2020 19:03

from Gov.uk A support bubble is where a household with one adult joins with any other household
But OP claims that she and partner are in a support bubble with BiL and pregnant SiL Hmm

Bluesheep8 · 24/08/2020 19:06

www.gov.uk/guidance/meeting-people-from-outside-your-household-from-4-july

As I said, I don't agree with the rules which have been passed in law, but here they are for anyone who needs to check them.

sqirrelfriends · 24/08/2020 19:07

YANBU and for those who say YABU, would you not be upset if this happened to you?

Akindelle · 24/08/2020 19:08

So you can't catch covid in a pub and restaurant but having a family party is risky?
Them’s the rules 🤷‍♀️
Technically you can book for 100 of your family to drink in a pub at the same time, but you can’t have 31 people in your back garden. You can have 35 kids in a class at school but not at a party in the village hall. But the law is the law, if you don’t like it then take it up with the government.

Bluesheep8 · 24/08/2020 19:12

akindelle thank you for explaining that far better than I could.