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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that we weren't invited to bil+sil baby shower

171 replies

Soapysoap · 23/08/2020 23:03

Just that really. Whole family there or invited, both sides, men, women and kids, not just the women. And my DH, DC and I were just left out of it all, didn't even know about it.
Now it's not the new parents at fault, it was a surprise to them, so they didn't know. But mil was there (and we have always got on great) so she knew, and so did the rest of dh family.
It's like we're just forgotten about.
Pictures are all over social media, and normally I just brush things off but I feel really hurt this time. I've not commented. But I keep thinking I should. I don't know if I'm being over sensitive. I don't even know what I want from this. Just a vent maybe. Sorry for waffling on.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 23/08/2020 23:48

Also b+sil are part of our support bubble and we see them regularly.

Aren’t support bubbles for single adults/single parents?

Freddiefox · 23/08/2020 23:50

I think he should ask, but he needs to be prepared that he might not like the answer.
You weren’t forgotten, you were missed off on purpose.
Approach mil and ask who organised and when she as invited and go from there.

timeisnotaline · 23/08/2020 23:51

It’s his family I’d let your dh go mad. Why encourage him to let his family treat him (& you and your children) badly??

Original poster
Soapysoap · 23/08/2020 23:51

@ChicCroissant it was mil street it was at. Most of them live round there. I live in the same street and b+sil. Not far, but far enough to not hear it.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 23/08/2020 23:54

You and your DH are allowed to be in one support bubble with a single adult household. So are BIL and SIL. None of you are allowed to be in a support bubble with each other.

As for your question, just message BIL and apologise. Say you didn’t know anything about the shower and you’re sorry you missed it.

Lougle · 24/08/2020 00:00

Also b+sil are part of our support bubble and we see them regularly.

No they're not, because you're not single and neither are they.

I'm sorry you weren't invited. But they shouldn't have been holding a shower anyway if they were having more than 2 households or more than 6 people in total. So in that sense, it's best that you weren't there.

notangelinajolie · 24/08/2020 00:07

Was it legal?
Who wants to go to a baby shower anyway?
Seriously OP be glad you weren't there.

Redbirds · 24/08/2020 00:23

Why do threads have to bloody digress into Covid rules!
You are right to be upset OP and I hope your DH manages to speak to the organiser and MIL.

doodleygirl · 24/08/2020 00:36

Just have a conversation like grown ups and ask.

Pobblebonk · 24/08/2020 00:39

I think you dodged a bullet because baby showers are pretty naff, but I do think your husband should ask why you weren't invited.

Enough4me · 24/08/2020 00:41

I'd directly ask MIL why you weren't invited.

ineedaholidaynow · 24/08/2020 00:41

Why didn’t your BIL and SIL phone and ask you to come along, or speak to you afterwards?

Why do you need to be in a support bubble with them?

oceanbreezy · 24/08/2020 00:46

Do bil and sil know you weren’t invited? You could ask them why.

Covid thing is irrelevant.

Tolleshunt · 24/08/2020 00:48

Ffs, the Covid rules (whatever they might be these days, I’ve completely lost track with all the chopping and changing in ways that make no sense) have nothing to do with it.

OP is upset because they add the only ones who’ve been left out. The family are clearly happy to flout the Covid bubble rules, whatever they are currently, for the rest of the family, so this is a completely irrelevant point.

OP, I’d be hurt too. I’d be asking, in a reasonable way, along the lines of ‘we were really surprised to see there was a baby shower for bil and sil, and we weren’t invited but everyone else was. Have we done something to upset them? Or you, MIL?

Frannibananni · 24/08/2020 00:55

If you weren’t invited because of Covid they would have told you about it and explain why. I would send a apology message And gift to bil and sil and let them know you weren’t told about it and and you hope they had a good day. (That’s not passive aggressive just manners). Depending on if it happens again I would just let it go. If it happened again I would probably move as far as I could and only send Christmas cards for the rest of Time lol.

Mothership4two · 24/08/2020 00:56

I'd directly ask MIL why you weren't invited.

^^ this

Mothership4two · 24/08/2020 00:57

Covid rules may be another issue but they are an issue and so ppl are commenting on them

Beachbodylonggone · 24/08/2020 01:01

Ask mil or bil and sil will think it's your fault you didn't go..

rosiejaune · 24/08/2020 01:11

@Akindelle

It was an outdoor event. It wasn't illegal. It was if more than two households attended. Perhaps you’re outside their “bubble” and that’s why you weren’t invited.
No, the law in England says you can meet up to 30 people for a private gathering, indoors or out (other than where there are local restrictions, so it would have to be in a park then).

The two households/six people thing is guidance.

nestisflown · 24/08/2020 01:18

If you don’t say anything BIL and SIL may well think that you just didn’t turn up- and so may be upset with you. This is definitely something you need to rock the boat on so everyone can get to the bottom of it.

You’re right to be upset- I would comment on the Facebook images or message BIL and SIL saying “the event looked lovely and that you and DH would have loved to celebrate with them had you known about it”

WiltedWillows · 24/08/2020 01:32

Baby showers are rubbish and tacky, you dodged a bullet OP!

SandyY2K · 24/08/2020 01:35

It seems it's not unusual that you're left out or have historically been an afterthought in the family.

Even your kids treated differently....

It might have been a friend of your SIL who organised it... and while she would have invited your MIL... she may not have known of you to invite.... and focused on family of the mum to be.

People often focus on

katy1213 · 24/08/2020 01:47

I'm trying to imagine the kind of man who wants to go to a baby shower.
If you're not invited, you're not invited. Demeaning and rude to demand explanations.

Durgasarrow · 24/08/2020 01:51

I think your husband has every right to ask, and he's not the one creating the drama. Whoever didn't do the inviting created the drama.

LovePoppy · 24/08/2020 01:55

@Soapysoap

Dh wants to go mad because he feels we are always an after thought. Our kids aren't treat equal to some of the grandkids etc. But I don't want to rock the boat. Lots of little things over the years you know. But I don't like drama. I've told him not to and I keep telling myself not to but I feel like I should still. Torn I guess
Let him rock the boat.

Don’t police his relationship with his family.