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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that's it's perfectly fine to go for a coffee with a friend without inviting others?

342 replies

WhatamessIgotinto · 23/08/2020 11:10

There are 5 of us in a friendship group, we've all known each other over ten years and have a lot of fun together. Occasional weekends away, meals out etc. Sometimes we'll meet up for a coffee somewhere when it's all of us, sometimes a couple of us/them will meet up etc. All good as far as I'm concerned.

One of the women messaged me yesterday to ask if I fancied a coffee at a new tea room where they have a big garden, so no issue with social distancing etc. Lovely. We went - spend two hours there and had a nice chat, I haven't seen her for months because of CoVID.

I sent a message to one of the others last night and got a reply saying she's seen my car outside the place as she was passing. I said 'yes, I met ** for a catch up, it was nice in there if you fancy it some time'. Her reply was 'well I would have fancied it today but I wasn't invited'. I thought she was joking initially but no, she's sent a message on group chat saying that she doesn't think it's kind to leave other people out and can we agree that we should all at least have an invitation to such things next time. The other women are all ??? and also initially thought she was kidding, particularly as out of all of us, she is the one most likely to arrange something without the others - which is absolutely fine - no one has an issue with that. She does like to know what everyone is up to and finds it strange if people don't tag themselves in on FB etc (something I never do).

I just can't be arsed with it. We're all in our early 50s and just find this all so ridiculous. I can't be bothered with this schoolkid stuff and neither, it seems, can the others as they've all said the same thing. One has also reminded her of when she asked her and one of the others to go on holiday and that she's going away for the weekend with one of them at Christmas (also fine) and that's gone down like a lead balloon and now she's not talking to any of us. I also don't want her to feel shit because I genuinely really like her! AIBU to think that it's perfectly fine, and normal, for friends not to do every single little thing together??

OP posts:
intheningnangnong · 28/08/2020 21:05

Good luck to her finding new pals Confused

intheningnangnong · 28/08/2020 21:06

Oh and you seem fine to me OP Smile

Original poster
WhatamessIgotinto · 28/08/2020 21:06

Feisty friend got into a battle of words with her (as expected Grin), lovely friend was surprisingly calm 'sorry you feel that way but if that's how you feel, good luck' (which will drive Moody Friend mad), Flaky friend is really upset about the whole thing and I veer from feeling upset at losing a friend (who obviously wasn't really) and anger.

OP posts:
wishywashywoowoo70 · 28/08/2020 21:07

Whoa she's a right beaut.

What a tosser. She's lost all her friends in one fell swoop. Well done her

I hope you all have a lovely time Sunday thoroughly taking the piss out this nob jockey

Original poster
WhatamessIgotinto · 28/08/2020 21:13

@wishywashywoowoo70

Whoa she's a right beaut.

What a tosser. She's lost all her friends in one fell swoop. Well done her

I hope you all have a lovely time Sunday thoroughly taking the piss out this nob jockey

I think there's a very good chance that this is how it will now go on Sunday. Grin
OP posts:
ChickensMightFly · 28/08/2020 21:19

😲😲😲

Have only read op's post, but my jaw literally dropped at that outcome! Wow. I hope you are all getting together on Sunday so you can share this thread with the remaining friends for a good dissection hopefully turning into giggles.

PaternosterLoft · 28/08/2020 21:36

www.etsy.com/market/dull_my_sparkle is it too late to order a top and a drinks cup for Sunday?

wildcherries · 28/08/2020 21:37

@PaternosterLoft

www.etsy.com/market/dull_my_sparkle is it too late to order a top and a drinks cup for Sunday?
Perfect 😂
Pollypocket89 · 28/08/2020 21:40

Is she having some sort of breakdown? That's insane

Backtoschoolnotsoonenough · 28/08/2020 21:42

A flounce mn would be proud of!!
Grin

RealLifeHotWaterBottle · 28/08/2020 21:45

Well you're defining better off at the end of it Grin Dull her sparkle? You can't polish a shit.

Have a lovely time on Sunday with your friends, and at least take some pride out of the fact that you were gracious and dignified in the face of absurdity and delusion.

LittleDoritt · 28/08/2020 21:53

Wow. As much as it sounds like you are well rid of her it's horrible to lose someone you thought was a good friend. I hope you are alright.

RedorBlack · 28/08/2020 22:08

Wow, just wow

You have more patience than I do OP, I'd have replied with "you're not a bloody unicorn ffs, but yes please do go and shit your glitter somewhere else."

I agree with pp, sod the coffee, go find some wine and have a lovely morning

Tistheseason17 · 28/08/2020 22:13

I would like an update after Sunday, please, OP!
So glad you did not apologise (no apology needed!)

NataliaOsipova · 28/08/2020 22:41

Dull her sparkle...😂😂😂

Okay - to come out with the oldest cliche - this really isn’t you, it’s her! But I think you know that. Have a lovely time tomorrow with your friends and just ignore. Let her face the (lonely) consequences of her strop.

Original poster
WhatamessIgotinto · 28/08/2020 22:42

@LittleDoritt well I'd like to say that I'm fine with it but I'll admit that I'm pretty upset to be honest. If you had told me this time last week that this would have happened I would have said not in a million years, I genuinely considered her to be one of my closest friends. I love her kids and they've always spent quite a lot of time here with my DCs and I'm hoping it doesn't impact on them but I'm not sure how it wouldn't really. I don't think she'll let them come now.

OP posts:
Monr0e · 28/08/2020 22:58

OP I'm sorry. Despite the ridiculousness of it all you must be very hurt. At least you all have each other still.

And if she ever comes crawling back, I hope you all tell her to stick her sparkle up her arse.

purplepandas · 28/08/2020 23:49

I too am very sorry to hear your news. Your friend is so very out of line. I completely see how this must be so upsetting, I am really sorry. I hope Sunday goes okay with your other friends despite the drama.

billy1966 · 29/08/2020 00:28

OP, I can imagine all of this must be a real shocker for your circle..

But especially for you....... You have cared for her children on many occasions and yet she thinks you are a weak twat.
Wow!
Just wow!

You are upset and surprised....? how about a little bit of anger...cos she has used you for childcare...whilst thinking you are a weak twat...

How does that work?

Instead of being "upset"...how about being pissed off at such rudeness.

Appalling behaviour.

Absolutely no loss.Flowers

PerveenMistry · 29/08/2020 01:25

Sounds like she was a good friend when free child care was needed.

Skiddlingmama · 29/08/2020 05:31

Wow! I actually feel a bit sick for you. I hate when situations like this arise but by the sounds of it you are better off without her.

You have shown nothing but dignity & class throughout all of this and you should be proud of yourself. Your “friend” will have a lot of regrets, maybe not right away but soon.

I agree with one of the posts above, sack the coffee and have a drink instead. Celebrate your wonderful friendship with your remaining friends

intheningnangnong · 29/08/2020 07:01

OP I could character assassinate everyone I know if I set out to. I love them and they are all brilliant women who bring something great to the world. You know she is lashing out and being plain old nasty. Sad, but don’t take her comments to heart Flowers

MsTSwift · 29/08/2020 07:22

Dear me. The cliche “shot herself in the foot” springs to mind. I have just read ops post and cringing at moody friends behaviour.

Upsetting though. Surely anyone normal wouldn’t give their other friends meeting for coffee a second thought? Otherwise it’s just paranoid.

DidoAtTheLido · 29/08/2020 08:38

I'll admit that I'm pretty upset to be honest. If you had told me this time last week that this would have happened I would have said not in a million years, I genuinely considered her to be one of my closest friends. I love her kids

I would send her a private message saying this.
That you genuinely have never thought twice about any individual meet ups within the group, you know that no one in the group has ever intended to ‘exclude’ anyone in the various smaller meet ups and events that have gone on. So it is a shock to you that she has reacted this way and you are very sad to see her go.

A heartfelt message.

I see many many posts on MN by people who have taken things personally, felt offence where clearly none easy meant, and getting responses like ‘they’re not worth it’ ‘she’s not your friend, you don’t need her in your life’ and often wonder how much people who claim to be victims and level so much accusation at others as bitches, cliques etc are just being a pain themselves by taking stuff personally or being high maintenance.

DaughterX · 29/08/2020 09:05

Has she got any other friends she can hang out with now?
Can you reply and say you thought "the situation was addressed" when we reminded you of the multiple times you had invited only X or y friend to meet up and did she think that was somehow different?