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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder what 'very Catholic' means?

289 replies

Graunaile2017 · 22/08/2020 20:46

I read a comment on another thread describing parents as 'very Catholic '. I'm not from the UK so sometimes miss the nuance or underlying cultural meaning of comments like this, but it seems to imply negativity. What exactly constitutes 'very Catholic' and why is it bad?

OP posts:
Sayitagainwhydontyou · 22/08/2020 20:50

Very Catholic to me means adhering very strictly to Catholic doctrine:

-no premarital sex
-no contracepted sex
-no masturbation
-no same sex experiences of any kind
-no divorce
-no interreligious relationships

And breaking any of the above rules means you should be shunned and live with your shame til you inevitably die and go to hell.

Sayitagainwhydontyou · 22/08/2020 20:51

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ColouringPencils · 22/08/2020 20:51

It depends on the way it's said, but it's not necessarily bad. It means they are devout, they take it seriously, attend mass, go to confession etc. I have some family members I would describe as very Catholic and others who are still Catholic culturally but don't really live by the rules, others who are lapsed Catholic.

If 'very Catholic' was said by someone who is not Catholic then it possibly was an insult as Catholics tend to be regarded with suspicion and people think they are very hard line, in my experience.

june2007 · 22/08/2020 20:51

High church, REgular Mass perhaps mid weakly, Perhaps praying to saints. Using insence, that sort of thing. Strictly following their religion.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 22/08/2020 20:51

Practicing Catholic rather than lapsed Catholic. Following Catholic cultural and religious practices such as attending Mass at least weekly, not eating meat in Fridays, going to confession. Possibly not using birth control and believing sex outside marriage to be sinful.

Lots of people are from Catholic backgrounds and see themselves as Catholic but don't really adhear to the Catholic church's rules/ teachings and just go to church for Christmas, easter, christenings, weddings and funerals.

NameChange84 · 22/08/2020 20:57

Weekly or even daily mass attender. Abides by the teachings of the church re chastity, no contraception, prays regularly especially the Rosary, asks for the intercession of the saints, gives to charity, not especially “worldly”, involved in parish life perhaps as a Eucharistic Minister or Catechist. Regularly attends confession. Faith and family come before all else. Does NOT turn a blind eye to child sexual abuse.

Starbuggy · 22/08/2020 20:57

I have friends who are “very catholic” and I don’t mean that in a bad way! I just use it to mean they’re devout, go to church weekly and are involved in the church (running first communion or confirmation classes, doing flowers, running coffee morning, church groups etc), etc.

As opposed to lapsed catholics or “catholic to get the children into the catholic school” type catholics!

RealLifeHotWaterBottle · 22/08/2020 20:58

Depends on who says it, but for me it would be adhering strictly to Catholic teachings on sex, marriage and birth control whilst also attending mass and general liturgical events.

fascinated · 22/08/2020 20:59

I don’t know a single catholic who doesn’t use contraceptives. Or abhor child abuse.

Thesheerrelief · 22/08/2020 21:00

I grew up in a "very Catholic" (Irish) family and for me this means very old fashioned, often judgemental, hypocritical ways of thinking.

jolokoy · 22/08/2020 21:02

It depends on who says it. It can mean devout not just observant, so, you know, actually believes in God for real not just goes along with it for family/culture.

Some English people mean it as an insult.

RealLifeHotWaterBottle · 22/08/2020 21:02

fascinated i know a fair few who trusted only the rhythm method (to varying degrees of success!)but would agree, not a single one who would turn a blind eye to child abuse.

Sayitagainwhydontyou · 22/08/2020 21:03

@fascinated

I don’t know a single catholic who doesn’t use contraceptives. Or abhor child abuse.
Hmmm. I know a lot of young Catholics who use Vatican Roulette to prevent pregnancy.

The only "very" Catholic i really respect is an 87yr old man who left the church when it came out that a previous pope had relocated serial paedophile priests.

NameChange84 · 22/08/2020 21:05

I know a lot of youngish Catholic married couples who use Natural Family Planning (the Creighton Method etc). Most have 4 or 5 children and are in their mid 30s. Similar story with their parents.

tinytemper66 · 22/08/2020 21:05

I am a Catholic. I was a eucharistic minister but not any more. I do go to Mass but struggle with some concepts...their stance on women priests, abortion, contraception and confession.

MsEllany · 22/08/2020 21:06

Well, for the only person that ever described themselves as Very Catholic to me, it meant he could do anything at all he pleased (he said this while we shared a post-coital joint btw) but that once he found a nice catholic virgin to settle down with he’d expect her to basically be a surrendered wife.

This was during uni, no he didn’t go to mass or so confessions and no, I wasn’t considered for the position of Wife Grin (he also wasn’t considered for position of boyfriend let alone husband!)

Hollywhiskey · 22/08/2020 21:07

I am Catholic and would describe some of my relatives as very Catholic, especially some of the older generation.
They pray very often and very formally, like they would say the rosary rather than having a quick private word with God. They might sit and say more than one rosary. They might try to get to Mass in the week. Someone mentioned 'high mass/church but I've not heard of that.
They are very involved with church life for example doing the cleaning, in a choir or altar servers.
Some of my older relatives have somewhat dated beliefs. My great aunt doesn't believe in homosexuality. Although my grandparents sort of knew we all had premarital sex (we bought houses with our boyfriends before we married them) it would never have happened under their roof so we couldn't take partners to stay at their house until we were married.
I don't agree with abortion so it would never happen but if they found out any of us had an abortion it would be very bad, I think it would break their hearts. Some of my cousins had babies before they were married and the older generation of my family found that very hard to come to terms with.

Generally it's a good thing - it has driven them to be very charitable and they are motivated to do good for others because of the religious teachings. Their faith is a great comfort to them when they have been breaved or suffered other hardships in their lives, such as the current lockdown.

RealLifeHotWaterBottle · 22/08/2020 21:11

For context, I would say my cousins are very catholic. They preach that the bible is against homosexual acts, that sex should only be within marriage and does not condone abortion, but where this has happened they also would not condone the woman that has had an abortion. They go to mass every Sunday, and are active parishioners.

For background, one is gay (obviously no partner, but very much out) and a practicing priest, the other left the priesthood some years ago to marry.

Camomila · 22/08/2020 21:12

I thought we were pretty relaxed Catholics but we (pre-coronavirus) go to church most weeks so I guess I'm very Catholic now! And we do give stuff up for lent, no meat on good friday.

I'd use it to describe people like my nonna who regularly do the rosary and have prayer cards and go to clean the cemetery with the other church ladies.

(I'd call myself a liberal Catholic though if I had to describe myself in detail)

Dugsbollox · 22/08/2020 21:17

The "very Catholic" people I know are pro Latin mass, anti choice in all circumstances (to the point of going to marches), anti contraception, think Pope Francis is too liberal(!) Use the "hate the sin, not the sinner" line re: homosexuality. It goes on.

Interestingly (maybe, or maybe just to me) the people I know who work within the church would often find these people extreme.

chomalungma · 22/08/2020 21:23

Very Catholic, you ask?

That would be an ecumenical matter.

newusername2009 · 22/08/2020 21:25

Fascinated - I don’t use contraception so now you know someone. Nor do any of my sisters

CherryPavlova · 22/08/2020 21:25

Like any religion, the way people practice varies enormously.

No, most don’t turn a blind eye to abuse any more than Protestants, scouts, the Police or teachers.

Some ‘very Catholic’ friends might believe abortion was wrong in all circumstances but I can Thor two GP very Catholic friends who regularly advise women how to access terminations.
Some very Catholic friends might disapprove of contraception but I know others who have taken the pill and used the MAP.
Some very Catholic friends vote Conservative and others believe Conservatism is rooted in Hell.

Some prefer Benedict, some prefer Francis. Some are well informed about Canon law and others less so.

Very Catholic means different things to different people. Practice varies enormously. Everyone is an individual just the same as with most other religions.

Original poster
Graunaile2017 · 22/08/2020 21:25

@Sayitagainwhydontyou

Very Catholic to me means adhering very strictly to Catholic doctrine:

-no premarital sex
-no contracepted sex
-no masturbation
-no same sex experiences of any kind
-no divorce
-no interreligious relationships

And breaking any of the above rules means you should be shunned and live with your shame til you inevitably die and go to hell.

Wow, I've never met any Catholic who actually follows all those rules, do they exist, have they ever existed? Really! Shunned and everlasting damnation?? I know Catholics and the no inter religious relationships things isn't true, they can also get divorced just not remarried in a Catholic church without an annulment , I checked.
OP posts:
Sayitagainwhydontyou · 22/08/2020 21:27

@newusername2009

Fascinated - I don’t use contraception so now you know someone. Nor do any of my sisters
Do you mind me asking whether you expect that stance to change as your families grow?

My anti-contraception neighbour ended up on the pill after baby #7. She was 33.