To find baby showers crass?

[GreekOddess]

I know that I am being unreasonable. I just really don't like them and gender reveal parties are even worse!

My youngest child is 10 and they weren't a thing in the UK back then. I can't even put my finger on why I don't like them as they are harmless enough. It just feels wrong!

Does anyone else know where I'm coming from?

And yes, yes I know the origin of Halloween but I was trick or treating in the states in the 70's

I was trick or treating in Scotland in the 70s.

@meditrina no, I mean friends who expect/ask for gifts at an event or celebration ("grabby" to use the MN favourite word 🤣). If you do, you need better friends.

Definition of a baby shower: a party held for a woman who is expecting a baby, to which friends and relatives (typically female) bring gifts for the child.

So I get why people think they are grabby! Some people have a gift list.

@Angrymum22 I'm with you. Babies are far to precious to be commercialised! I know people who have had still births. I don't buy presents until baby is here. Also my baby took a while ttc and after failed IVF etc I managed to conceive her naturally and when I eventually became pregnant I really didn't want to throw my pregnancy in peoples faces as you don't know who is struggling. I know a lot of people who dread these baby showers due to this as well x

Baby showers aren't the problem. The problem is that for some celebrations, whether that's baby showers, birthdays, weddings etc, some people get way too worked up and invested and it turns into this whole big THING with the basic premise - to celebrate a person or event - gets completely forgotten.

So friends and family gathering to celebrate a new arrival, perhaps impart some wisdom and give a few (appropriately priced and thought through_) gifts is fine. A full on registry, dress code, competitive gaming etc is not.

Ditto weddings - most of us would agree a wedding is a lovely thing. Then of course, you get the crazies ranting because their bridesmaid cut her hair two weeks before and ruined the photos or demanding that guests travel for 100s of miles, buy only the most expensive presents and wear ball gowns and if they don't, they're clearly not real friends.

My friends/family threw me small baby showers for both my DC. My overwhelming memory is of enjoying being around my female loved ones, often with good advice - especially useful with DC1. Gifts were largely small things, and greatly appreciated. I had to laugh at my first baby shower as guests had been told that they should please feel free to bring along whatever small things they found the most helpful... I got packs of muslins (but because they were gifts, a friend had sourced lovely colourful ones), a pack of 10 supermarket short onesies with the specific instruction that if they get really disgusting after a bad nappy, to feel no guilt tossing them, and things like baby nail clippers which I hadn't even considered might be needed. I was v grateful when DS came out with what felt like 10 inch nails! .

@meditrina no, I mean friends who expect/ask for gifts at an event or celebration ("grabby" to use the MN favourite word). If you do, you need better friends

That is why you never host your own shower.

None of my friends have hosted their own (and yes I would think it grabby if someone did)

It was traditionally a female group of friends getting together to launch one of their number into a new stage of life (marriage, maternity) and it is a specific rite of passage.

Holding your own party, just for the sheer fun of it is, is a completely different thing. And should not grab the name from a totally different traditional.

I'm also a bit surprised at the mother to be or the host providing food. The ones I've been invited to it was expected that the guest bring the food and a present, or give money. The only thing the host provided was a few balloon. Obviously there is a very wide range of experiences here - wider than I thought.

I've said before on MN that I think baby showers have not transferred well across the Atlantic. Here in Canada I have never come across a themed shower. Family and friends gather, and yes, they bring a gift, but it doesn't have to be expensive. The last shower I went to my two sisters and I bought a joint gift

I agree. The US ones I've attended have been low-key and fun: a few drinks and snacks, and some small gifts of practical stuff. But we seem to have imported a completely fake, Hollywood/IG version.

It's as if Americans had imported weddings from the UK, but based them entirely on William & Kate and the Rooneys.

I like "crass" baby showers, with their silly games of find safety pins in rice while blindfolded, and there's a new game now: dodge the spies who might dob you in for having a party with too many people.

YANBU. If I’m ever invited to one, I won’t be going.

I have always politely declined the invitations to baby showers they just don't sit right with me, one of my friends had one recently where we all had to pay £20 for the food and decorations, i sent my £20 but still declined as it was on dh birthday (luckily).
I would have been horrified if any my family or friends had thrown one for me, i suffer really bad with anxiety and i would have been convinced that something would have went wrong.
I was brought up that you shouldn't have baby things in your house until the baby arrives its bad luck, my mother made me keep my pram at her house until i was home from the hospital and all was well.
I will always buy gifts when the baby comes unless its a close friend or family member and we are buying a large gift such as a carseat or moses basket which i would drop off a couple of weeks before the due date.

I'm doing a 'sip and see' instead once baby arrives and I feel up to it. It'll be an adult drinks party at home where those who wish to do so can see the baby and we can all toast his safe arrival after the event. No presents or gimmicks and I'll be able to have a drink.