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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find baby showers crass?

161 replies

GreekOddess · 22/08/2020 19:22

I know that I am being unreasonable. I just really don't like them and gender reveal parties are even worse!

My youngest child is 10 and they weren't a thing in the UK back then. I can't even put my finger on why I don't like them as they are harmless enough. It just feels wrong!

Does anyone else know where I'm coming from?

OP posts:
lyralalala · 23/08/2020 12:24

@mummymeister

most things that originate in america could be added to the list imo.
  • made up names
  • baby showers
  • gender reveals
  • grooms men
  • trick or treat
  • pre wedding dinners
  • massive gas guzzling cars driven by townies

I could go on and on Smile

Baby showers didn't originate in America
Casschops · 23/08/2020 12:30

Defo not my thing. My sister tried to organise one for me when we adopted. It fel so wrong to do it so didn't happen but then again im odd.

Toilenstripes · 23/08/2020 12:33

@HoldMyLobster

I've never been to a baby shower with a theme, or stupid games or quizzes, or a gift list. I've never been to one that's organised by the mother to be. I've never been to one where any part of it has been posted on social media.

But I've only been to American baby showers tbf.

😂😂 Exactly!
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/08/2020 12:33

I agree OP.

It used to be you told people you were expecting at 12 weeks and that was it until birth.

Now we have to endure the pregnancy test pics, gender reveals, grabby baby showers, endless talk and updates and the nine months feels like nine years. Then usually a christening despite neither parent being religious but it means a party and gifts ....

Toilenstripes · 23/08/2020 12:34

@mummymeister

most things that originate in america could be added to the list imo.
  • made up names
  • baby showers
  • gender reveals
  • grooms men
  • trick or treat
  • pre wedding dinners
  • massive gas guzzling cars driven by townies

I could go on and on Smile

What a hateful, xenophobic post. You should be ashamed.
BonfireStarter · 23/08/2020 12:40

Yanbu, they really make me cringe and I don't like the grabby expectations of fancy gifts etc

I prefer to meet after the baby is born and bring a gift then, much more personal.

thevassal · 23/08/2020 13:31

@RunningFromInsanity

Most baby showers are not the extravagant Americanised parties MN seems to think they are.

I’ve been to 4 and they were all low key small gatherings of family and friends, with a few balloons and decorations and a buffet.
Just a nice little catch up.

This! Not denying there are a small % of people who go full Instagram but in my experience they are the minority. The only ones I've been to are exactly as you've said, low key and fun. Most people tend to bring small presents (particularly for friends or family who live a bit further away so might not see the baby soon after it's born) but others don't and that's always been fine too.

For those that have said they'd rather visit the mum and baby after the birth instead you do know that you can....do both?

Giving birth is a big thing! Particularly for first time mums, it's a huge life change. What's wrong with celebrating that like we do with most other major life events?

I sometimes think that half of MN just don't like the idea of anyone seeing friends, ever, the amount of things they find to complain about.

I do think gender reveal parties are very weird though, but that's because I don't like the idea of stereotyping children before they're even born (not that stereotyping them after they are born is ok either!). It also suggests that having one sex over another is something to celebrate, which creeps me out a bit given historical and modern issues with (mainly female) babies being abandoned and murder etc.

PhilSwagielka · 23/08/2020 13:36

That's my issue with it as well. It's how stereotypical it always is.

secretllama · 23/08/2020 13:43

So many miserable people. Why are you so annoyed at people celebrating a major event in their life? 🤣 So hypocritical if you've ever in your life had a birthday party or wedding with more than 2 required witnesses. If you think its grabby then you need better friends because NO friend of mine would ever expect a gift to attend anything they've thrown.

Some things aren't to my taste e.g. gender reveal but I dont care about other people doing them. Let people enjoy things ffs.

PhilSwagielka · 23/08/2020 15:47

Generally when I’ve been to weddings guests have given donations. I’m fine with that, I’m shit at buying presents!

Hatscats · 23/08/2020 15:59

Gender reveal is the most awful thing ever. Gross.

Baby showers aren’t for me either, I’ve been to 2 and they were ok. I hate organised fun and stupid games!

thegreenlight · 23/08/2020 16:03

All the baby showers I have been to (including my own) were thrown as a surprise for the expectant mother. Not really a fan of planning them by yourself, for yourself but I think when it is done on your behalf it is a nice way for your friends to make a fuss of you before baby arrives.

thegreenlight · 23/08/2020 16:09

Also, why so down on Americans and their traditions? They are lovely, genuine and friendly. We holiday exclusively in the states and would move there in a shot if we could. So refreshing to be with sincere and outgoing people who love life rather than moaning, sarcastic fun sponges. Live and let live.

Irelate · 23/08/2020 16:34

I think baby showers are lovely. Nice opportunity to fuss over the mother-to-be before the baby arrives.

Gender reveal parties are tacky and cringe-worthy however. Smile

morefun · 23/08/2020 16:50

My ex sister in law insisted I had a shower, and it was a really nice day. Not the sort of thing I would normally do and I was very clear I didn't want people to feel they should give me presents! With my eldest it wasn't a "thing" at that time, and so I didn't have one.

I don't mind them I guess, it's just people trying to make a celebration.

otterbaby · 23/08/2020 16:53

I've been to several American baby showers and none of them have been as themed and over the top as the ones I've seen in England. I wonder how many of these posters are speaking from experience and have actually attended an American shower?

This coming from a person who is expecting and doesn't have any interest in having one - but think they're lovely gestures for other mums to be. Gosh, how miserable!

mrsBtheparker · 23/08/2020 16:53

Much nicer to visit the tired new mum and give her a boost with gifts after the birth.

Are you not expected to do that too? How many grab-fests can someone expect, engagement, hen party, wedding, gender reveal, baby shower, new baby, christening? It really can mount up! So glad I'm well past all that in my circle.

modgepodge · 23/08/2020 16:58

@MarthasGinYard

Yanbu

Grim

‘Grim’ 😂😂😂 A much overused word on MN. The smell from my bin is grim. Vomiting is grim. Paedophiles are grim. A group of women choosing to get together for tea, cake and maybe some presents shortly before a baby is born is not ‘grim’ ffs.
Incrediblytired · 23/08/2020 16:59

They aren’t for me (neither are hen do’s) though but each to their own

FingersXssd83 · 23/08/2020 16:59

I had one recently. Never thought I could have a baby and was delighted that a friend offered to host it for me. I asked for no presents but a few family members were insistent. Played some silly games and had some fun. It was lovely having everyone together.

I've been to more 'formal' showers before lockdown with gifts etc. I've personally found them lovely, and a great way to be included in the excitement of a new baby.

MarthasGinYard · 23/08/2020 17:04

'Grim 
‘Grim’ 😂😂😂 A much overused word on MN. The smell from my bin is grim. Vomiting is grim. Paedophiles are grim. A group of women choosing to get together for tea, cake and maybe some presents shortly before a baby is born is not ‘grim’ ffs.'

IMO it is rather

Emojis are also pretty grim

Especially x 3

MarthasGinYard · 23/08/2020 17:05

Ps

I'd get your stinky bin sorted

WinkWinkWink

BlusteryShowers · 23/08/2020 17:22

I don't like the overblown cheesy hen-do type ones but I don't see the harm in getting together for lunch or something with a new mum to wish her well before her baby arrives. I do find the etiquette of gifts before/after the birth a bit tricky though.

I really can't stand gender reveals though. No one cares what sex your baby is.

Newmumatlast · 23/08/2020 17:25

Yanbu as it is your opinion and I used to share it however I spent a long long time struggling with unexplained infertility so when I did get pregnant I did have one. I do think they can be grabby so mine was more of a celebration of pregnancy not a focus on gifts and games. I had music and spent alot of money making food for everyone. I also made favours and I invited kids as well as partners, not just my friends. I had a soft play too. I hope people who came felt they got something out of it and i wasnt just trying to get gifts. It did give me a whole new perspective on it all

MarthasGinYard · 23/08/2020 17:27

Can't actually believe some people throw them for themselves.

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