To find baby showers crass?

[GreekOddess]

I know that I am being unreasonable. I just really don't like them and gender reveal parties are even worse!

My youngest child is 10 and they weren't a thing in the UK back then. I can't even put my finger on why I don't like them as they are harmless enough. It just feels wrong!

Does anyone else know where I'm coming from?

I've been to several American baby showers and none of them have been as themed and over the top as the ones I've seen in England. I wonder how many of these posters are speaking from experience and have actually attended an American shower?

I've ever been to a UK baby shower, but based on what I've read on Mumsnet they're awful.

Mind you, I don't really fancy a UK Christmas, Halloween, Saturday night or family holiday based on what I've read here.

I thought they were just an opportunity to get together with friends, give the mum some gifts for baby and have a few drinks. Is that how they do it in the US?

Thank you. Someone finally on my wavelength! I find them tacky and grabby. Was invited to one recently for a mum pregnant with her 4th. They were collecting money instead of baby items for her and we’re going to book her and family a holiday in Center Parcs!! “Minimum contribution please is £25” the invite said. This is a mum from school who I only know through our kids being friends this year!

They are nothing to do with celebration, and all about getting as many gifts as possible. Disgusting.

It's just another couple of things that have "drifted" over from America, which should have bloody stayed there.

Perhaps it should all be replaced with a "see you in 18 years, when you get your life but are skint" party.

I did not have but although I don't want to state my opinion on them I personally avoid them and much as possible, so yes I don't get them but as long as I am not attending I don't have an opinion on them

These are awful.
Apart from being tacky and grabby, they are a blatant rip off of another country's er tradition (? For want of a better word)

But above all, what really makes me uncomfortable is the thought of buying baby presents for a child that isn't born yet.

I'd rather wait until the baby has been delivered safely and mum and baby are well.

@FuckwitMcGee

They are nothing to do with celebration, and all about getting as many gifts as possible. Disgusting.

Maybe the ones you've went to. I have been to a few and they were a celebration or just a reason to get together with friends before baby arrives, so you are wrong.

Live and let live!
If you don't like baby showers don't have one and don't go to them if invited.
I like them. Basically afternoon tea and a few games.

Maybe the ones you've went to. I have been to a few and they were a celebration or just a reason to get together with friends before baby arrives, so you are wrong

The whole point of a shower (as opposed to other celebrations) is that you shower with gifts.

I like them. Basically afternoon tea and a few games

You don't have to have games, and it can be any style of party that the host thinks the honouree would like. The only thing that marks out a shower from any other type of party is the shower of gifts.

I personally don’t like them, so didn’t have one for DS. I do go to them to support friends though. It makes me uneasy- ‘counting chickens before they hatch’ springs to mind. I also don’t like the present-giving aspect. Each to their own though.

Never heard of someone throwing a baby shower for themselves.

@FuckwitMcGee

They are nothing to do with celebration, and all about getting as many gifts as possible. Disgusting.

That's not always the case. Mine was a celebration after 5 years trying for a baby and getting pregnant finally through IVF. I didnt expect or ask for gifts. Not everyone brought gifts. I paid for it, catered it, invited friends and their family units (partners and kids) and provided for the kids with soft play etc, and I gave a gift/favour to everyone (a handmade bracelet which took me ages to make). Maybe that's not a shower but a party. However I called it a baby shower.

I wouldn't have one for another baby. I wouldn't ask for gifts. I wouldn't likely have had one if it wasnt truly a celebration after years of heartache.

But if there is no gifts then it is just party/bbq/get together

I don't get them personally but a 'baby shower' by definition is a baby event with presents

The 'shower' as in US 'Bridal shower'

'Baby shower'

'Shower' recipient with gifts

Went to cousins in USA years ago. You never arrange your own. Funnily enough they don't irk me on the their own turf quite as much....

They've crept over

Just like High school proms etc.

Massive trick or treating

And yes, yes I know the origin of Halloween but I was trick or treating in the states in the 70's

I'm with you OP, grabby.

Don't get me started on cake smashes!

I have two close friends who had full term stillbirths so wouldn’t dream of buying a gift for mother or baby until baby has arrived. DS was a long awaited ( 8yrs of trying and 5 miscarriages) baby and I had a very complicated pregnancy, he then spent 10days in NICU so we had a big family celebration a couple of weeks after he was born.
I cringe when I see all the hype surrounding baby showers and reveals. Baby’s are far too precious to be commercialised.

I don’t like the expectation of gifts twice. Once at the shower and then again after. Giving a gift is a lovely generous thing to do but the expectation ruins it for me and I feel resentful. Although once I am there it is nice to be with friends.

I must preferred the old way - which was to buy a gift once the baby is born.

I'm from that side of the world (although Mexican) they've always been a thing over there, my mum had them for both of us (36 and 41). When my first one was born (10 years ago) I tried to organise one and nobody came for a similar to many PP (grabby, American import, etc..) what they never understood is that it was part of my culture too. A bit of more cultural awareness would have been nice.

Thank you OP. I couldn’t agree more. I absolutely hate ‘gender’ reveals with the stereotypical pink/blue theme, we are in 2020 and people are still conforming to gender stereotypes.

Baby showers make me feel uncomfortable, there’s no guarantee that the baby will be born alive. I think a party for the mum to be to see her friends is fine (without a baby theme) and then something for when baby arrives. Personally I don’t go to baby showers, I decline and give a gift when baby is here.

I do think for some people though it’s just another excuse for a party/seeing friends. I know someone who had 3 parties(announcing pregnancy, baby shower and then a gender reveal party)!

I've never been invited to a baby shower in someone's house or at another venue. Just a baby showers that were in the workplace, basically the attendee's bringing in cake to eat at lunchtime and a few balloon's and such and either bringing a present for the baby about to arrive ( the ones I actually went to) or having to give a money contribution to the mother to be via her friend organising it because she wanted to choose everything herself. (better off than me, so it felt really awkward, what I could give perhaps wouldn't make much difference to her - would cheerfully have giving money towards the electricity bill for someone who was struggling. Also, it seems to be the norm to have one for every baby, not just the first.
I get that having a baby is hard though, and appreciate the people with children often feel resentful of people with out children (having been told this repeatedly) so it was, in retrospect pretty generous to invite a childless person in fact?
Point being that different people have different experiences of these things. The lovely speeding time with friends thing isn't my experience of how it goes as a guest, but it may well be for other people.

@lyralalala can you point to when baby showers or gathering were normal across the uk , i grew up with grandparents etc who didn't believe in having too much in house for first baby due to superstition etc , also years ago people often just had hand me downs , not mew gifts
I had my kids 17 and 15 years ago and nobody had parties before they were born . People gave a gift after babied birth or at christening if you had one. I don't know anyone who had anything remotely like a baby shower until last few years and the showers now have defienently come from america influence as they are all over the internet.
Personally if people want them i don't care but i probably wouldn't go to one if was too many rules attached and money etc was expected as a gift

@meditrina well then the issue is in calling it a baby shower. I think people call any gathering of friends for cake/games/celebrations etc a baby shower when they don't really think of the meaning of shower. But whatever, I've never thought of any of friends baby showers as a summons to give a gift. But maybe I just dont have that kind of friends.

But maybe I just dont have that kind of friends

You mean friend who are from the US?

The meaning of shower is clear and well established.

Nothing wrong with having any kind of party you want. A shower is one specific type of party, not a catch-all term for parties before marriage or during pregnancy.

It wouid be like hosting a Superbowl party and not turning the match on!