To not be able to go to the toilet at PILs' house?

[TheVamoosh]

Currently at in-laws for two weeks. They've got two bathrooms and we're always given sole use of the "good" bathroom when we stay. Unfortunately, it's separated from the main living area by only a wall and does not have a lock on the door. When you're on the toilet, you're right near both the dining table and the sofa and TV, where there are always people sitting. There's just no good time to go to the toilet, ever! (Even if I could decide for myself when to poo, which I can't.) Today I tried going when I was bathing my children, so their noise would cover mine. That didn't work - MIL came in to give me towels! FFS.

I've even tried sneaking off to the other toilet, which is in a much more private location, only to be told off for using the wrong bathroom! "You're supposed to use the nice one that I have prepared for you!"

As always when we're visiting, I'm horribly constipated. Knowing that people can hear me or come in at any moment makes it impossible for me to go.

AIBU to be this worried about making bathroom noises and smells right next to the main living area?! Who the fuck puts a toilet in such a stupid place anyway?

Just tell her you are worried they can hear any noises and you’d prefer the more private bathroom.

Request a lock
Go when you are having a bath / shower
Go when they’ve gone to bed
Get some vipoo

Does the other loo have a lock on the door?

Oh god my sphincter is slamming shut at the thought of it. I can’t bear the idea of anyone hearing me go.

When I first started dating DH I used to send him for stuff at Tesco so I could take a shite. I can only go at PILs place if everyone is out. I nearly shat myself on the train home once because I couldn’t go for about 4 days and I was at the limit of what I could hold.

I won’t pee in strange places either and if I know I’m not going to be hours and hours I subconsciously restrict liquids because it’s so horrible to use another bathroom. Strangely once I’ve peed once in a location I’m ok to use it again. It’s just that first time.

Poo though is for at home and not when we have guests. No one can hear the sploosh. Except my parents, that’s ok in my head.

I'd buy a curry then poo as loud and smelly as I wanted and block their toilet then say "Sorry I was told not to use the other one!"

Every person on this planet shits. In fact, if you don't, you die. Put a sock on the door, get a a magazine and thank your lucky stars you have a toilet by someone's lounge rather than a latrine in some slum somewhere, or God forbid, an American style cubicle where everyone who walks by can see who you are.

YANBU I would be exactly the same, nightmare!..

Oh god I'd hate that. Can't you have a word with your DH and get him to tell them it's not working for you and you want to swap bathrooms. Or at least provide a lock! If the upstairs one has a lock you could you use that as the reason to use it. Or could you use the DC as an excuse, such as they would need the upstairs bathroom in the night.
Is there a supermarket or McDs nearby you could go off to alone and use the facilities?

You could get a doorstop to wedge the door shut. At least you will not be worried about people walking in. Sorry, can't think of anything to help with the other issues. Is there no fan to drown out the noise/take care of smells?

Towel/dressing gown in front of door to slow the door opening
Shower/bath taps running
Plus toilet roll in toilet to soften the sound

What does your DH think of it?
I would tell him you need to use the other toilet.

I feel your pain! For the first 3 and a bit years with my bf I couldn’t poo with him in the flat. I used to pretty much push him out the door on a Monday morning if he’d been for the weekend
I still can’t use the downstairs toilet at my mums and she’s been there 10+ years because you can hear it in the living room. I can use my downstairs toilet if it’s just the kids and my partner in the house these days thankfully but if we’ve folk in I’ll go upstairs

Could you take a wedge to stick under door? Use loo roll to cushion the noise of poo-drops?!

I'd sneak out and go in the middle of the night!

Just run the tap.

Put toilet paper in toilet before use to lessen the noise !!

"You're supposed to use the nice one we prepared for you"
"That's really kind MIL but I feel a bit uncomfortable shitting where everyone can hear and smell it"
Job done 😂

Just go when the shower is running. I thought that’s what everyone did!

Run the shower, open the window, paper in the bowl, vipoo, off you go. Then take your shower. There will be no audible sound and no lingering smell

I sympathise OP. The loo at my PIL's house is right by the kitchen, with no lock and tiled floor to ceiling so really echoey. You can hear every tinkle whenever someone pees. I get so self conscious too!

Definitely ask for a lock! Dear lord, I would need a mate to wear headphones, a peg and guard the door!

My PIL bathroom is next to the kitchen.
No lock

And the dog headbuttd the door open (to attack me no doubt) while I was mid tampon changing .

You are not alone . [sympathy]

Febreze air freshener and play loud music on your mobile phone?

Get some VIPoo and a wedge for the door. I could never use that bathroom, even for showering. Why on earth has your husband not asked her to put a lock on the door?

I made a pact with myself not to stay in anyone's house/flat ever, will stay close by but on my terms. So relaxing.

I do realise that not everyone can do this and people are so welcoming. So unless you stay elsewhere it is what it is for you.

Hate houses where the bathroom has no lock, especially when the door is out of reach. Why do people do that?
Wedge under door and play something loud on your phone! But maybe worth saying something, it might save future visitors from experiencing your current hell.