To not be able to go to the toilet at PILs' house?

[TheVamoosh]

Currently at in-laws for two weeks. They've got two bathrooms and we're always given sole use of the "good" bathroom when we stay. Unfortunately, it's separated from the main living area by only a wall and does not have a lock on the door. When you're on the toilet, you're right near both the dining table and the sofa and TV, where there are always people sitting. There's just no good time to go to the toilet, ever! (Even if I could decide for myself when to poo, which I can't.) Today I tried going when I was bathing my children, so their noise would cover mine. That didn't work - MIL came in to give me towels! FFS.

I've even tried sneaking off to the other toilet, which is in a much more private location, only to be told off for using the wrong bathroom! "You're supposed to use the nice one that I have prepared for you!"

As always when we're visiting, I'm horribly constipated. Knowing that people can hear me or come in at any moment makes it impossible for me to go.

AIBU to be this worried about making bathroom noises and smells right next to the main living area?! Who the fuck puts a toilet in such a stupid place anyway?

Years ago (before all this Vipoo and febreze malarkey) my dad taught me the "strike a match afterwards" trick which does neutralise the smell a bit. (He smoked, so always had matches somewhere about his person, until he progressed to lighters...)

In terms of the noise, couldn't you get some REALLY loud rock music, or opera, or something, and play that on your phone? Or, I don't know, the soundtrack of pretty much any James Bond movie, to go along with the door wedge? (And why doesn't the bathroom have a lock? Is it one of those stupid ultra-modern cubicle things without a window sold by housing folk as part of a "luxury development"?)

Oh, and if using the match trick, do be careful not to set the furnishings alight, and douse match in water at once, obviously. ;) Though it would send a message once and for all to your PILs, but it might be a bit drastic....

(You know, in Japan, in many office environments in particular, the women are SO self-conscious about anyone hearing them relieve themselves that in toilet cubicles there are modesty buttons you can press that literally sound like a waterfall. But then this is the country that also invented the heated toilet seat and the remote control lavatory.) (No, I'm not joking.)

Stay in a hotel

Go first thing in the morning, , take a kid in and be playful while you make them loudly brush their teeth. Or if you can’t wait, have a relaxing shower with the radio, the sound will mask both!

I don't understand this at all. Everyone shits. You know that they know that you shit, surely?!

Personally, I'd just use the loo you feel most comfortable in. Tell them why, don't tell them why. If they say you are meant to use the nice loo just smile and use the loo you want to use. Being so close to the family action is not nice and no lock is inexcusable. They really should sort that.

To those who do not understand why some people are more sensitive than others about going to the loo, we just are.

And everyone shits, so what. Most people have sex at some point in their lives, or throw up, or blow their noses and inspect their hankies. None of those things are things I want to see or hear.

Definitely door wedge, vipoo or light a match. It's a tricky situation OP ! Hope you can somehow resolve it. How long are you there for?

Who would have a bathroom with no lock? It always bothers me when we go to a lovely rented cottage for a holiday & there are no curtains or blinds on the plain bathroom windows. I know it's the countryside, but that doesn't mean there's nobody around. I'm just astonished when people seem to have no idea about privacy.

I'm always amused by Homes Under The Hammer when they joyfully exclaim 'and they've made all the bedrooms ensuite!'....my idea of HELL. I've stayed in hotels with DP where the toilet has been to close to the bedroom...yeah, that's a sound I don't need to be hearing first thing in the morning.

Fine to put in a shower/bath next to the bedroom, but the toilet needs to be well away from all the bedrooms so everyone has a bit of privacy when they go.

When they spot you heading off to the wrong toilet, just tell em you really need a poo & cant relax and go in the other one. You'll only have to say it once & I don't think they will question it again.

I would take a doorstop or something to wedge the door shut. Also take you phone and put music on. And take laxatives to reduce the constipation.

You're and adult, your MIL is an adult. Just tell her you are not comfortable using the toilet that's practically on top of the dining room table and you need more privacy. If you can't manage it, have your husband sort it.

I'm always amused by Homes Under The Hammer when they joyfully exclaim 'and they've made all the bedrooms ensuite!'....my idea of HELL.

Agreed!

When my ex first moved in I used to sneak down to the down stairs loo to poo in the mornings so he wouldn’t hear me in the en-suite.

To answer some questions:

I'm not a "poo troll" - search me if you like, I'm a regular poster. I'll probably have to name-change though as I'm about to give additional details.

We are not in the UK and I don't speak the language, so I can't speak to MIL about it. DH and I do not go to the toilet in front of each other or talk about this kind of thing, really. I know a lot of people do, but that's not us. I'd be embarrassed to tell him this.

In this country, you do not put loo roll down the bowl, so that doesn't help! You might have figured out where we are now... We're staying for two weeks.

Playing music on my phone would draw more attention to me being in there, not less!

The wedge idea is great but I'm not sure where I'll get one. Dressing gown on floor is also good.

No, there's no lock on the other toilet door either. And I'm not going to ask my DH to ask FIL to install a lock and draw more attention to the issue! It'll be the bloody talk of the day! This is a family where if you go for a wee at night, MIL wakes up (she sleeps with her bedroom door open and this is a small house) and starts asking "hello? Who's there? Are you ok?)

There's no fan in there, and they never have an air freshener (will buy one now though!) in fact there's a window that's always propped open which overlooks the back balcony. (I always close it when I'm in there though, so that's ok.) The layout of the house is a bit nuts in general.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest and some helpful suggestions!

Try having a cup of coffee just before bedtime then when everyone's asleep you can get a good clear out and rest easy

It seems from your OP that you've been there before as you say they always give you that bathroom. After the first time, and before the second time, why didn't you speak to your DH about and get him to speak to his mother for you? I don't understand why he just doesn't speak to her himself.

DH and I do not go to the toilet in front of each other or talk about this kind of thing, really. I know a lot of people do, but that's not us. I'd be embarrassed to tell him this.

I wouldn’t go to the toilet in front of DH but I can’t imagine being embarrassed telling him that the bathroom situation is stressing you out.

Just tell them you prefer the other bathroom.

Just get real, you have to go to the toilet at whatever time. Do you really think that those outside the toilet doors, are waiting, and listening , to see if they can hear all the various noises that can emit from a toilet visit. You really should be happy that your PIL have two bathrooms.

That is absolutely ridiculous. Your husband needs to help you here!

Close the door on a sock

It l

It locks it!

I used to hate this at my ex mil's house. Toilet right next to the kitchen, and the door and walls were really thin.

Can you get to a pharmacy and buy some laxatives in the hope that they will override the shy bowels? I do sympathise. I would be the same except that I would tell DP and enlist his help.