To not be able to go to the toilet at PILs' house?

[TheVamoosh]

Currently at in-laws for two weeks. They've got two bathrooms and we're always given sole use of the "good" bathroom when we stay. Unfortunately, it's separated from the main living area by only a wall and does not have a lock on the door. When you're on the toilet, you're right near both the dining table and the sofa and TV, where there are always people sitting. There's just no good time to go to the toilet, ever! (Even if I could decide for myself when to poo, which I can't.) Today I tried going when I was bathing my children, so their noise would cover mine. That didn't work - MIL came in to give me towels! FFS.

I've even tried sneaking off to the other toilet, which is in a much more private location, only to be told off for using the wrong bathroom! "You're supposed to use the nice one that I have prepared for you!"

As always when we're visiting, I'm horribly constipated. Knowing that people can hear me or come in at any moment makes it impossible for me to go.

AIBU to be this worried about making bathroom noises and smells right next to the main living area?! Who the fuck puts a toilet in such a stupid place anyway?

Amd honestly — you’d have sex with someone but not discuss poo? That’s a whole lot of wrong priorities. Sex is much more intimate.

I sympathise.....I've got my self I a right old mess by not being able 'to go' I didn't stop myself it just didn't happen...came home and had to take meds to get it all moving ...
I now always take a nice perfume spray with me and go whilst running a bath if possible !!!

I have a similar problem though the offending cubicle is the only one in the house. You have to do a walk of shame through the living/dining to get to the toilet. Then back the other way to the main bathroom to wash hands. Originally I was not supposed to flush the toilet at night but for heaven's sake there are some things you just HAVE to flush!

Just run the taps and as others have said wedge something like newspaper under the door.

Seems mad to be told which loo to use, tell dh to tell her you'll use the other one to get some privacy from the kids.

I'd use the other one and tell her to stuff it

This is why I always stay In hotels when I visit friends and family

This thread is so reassuring! I’ve been like this all my life.
DH and DD can literally just ‘GO’ anywhere. I envy that freedom of mind to just not care.
It’s like that line from Dolly in Dinnerladies...
‘Bob can’t go to the toilet if we have visitors, that’s why I can never have an all-day buffet’

Oh yeah Confront reminded me - American toilets! The brand of door is called "heiny hider"! So ironic!

I sympathise OP! My DPs bought their retirement home several years ago, it was a bungalow with a main bathroom and a separate toilet room (with paper thin walls.) Everyone could hear what was happening in the toilet when someone was in there. I'd be sitting with family in the living room when someone went to the toilet and we'd all sit around desperately talking to cover the noise and pretend we couldn't hear. Excruciating!

The first thing my DPs did was to hire a contractor to knock the toilet room and main bathroom together and make a nice large bathroom with an automatic extractor fan that made just enough noise to drown out toilet noises.

I don't have any good suggestions except to maybe play music on your phone when you're in there - it will be obvious what you're doing but better than nothing.

Omg that sounds awful! I find it hard enough pooing in someone else's house, don't think I ever have other than my own parents and even then I was desperate and it was upstairs away from the rest of the house. I cant even poo in the en suite if my oh is in the bedroom! Expecting you to do it with no lock and just off the living area is just wrong! I would make an excuse to leave the house to use tesco toilet, and even then wait until no one is there and if they come in mid poo, wait until they're gone before exiting. Top tip - fill the loo with toilet roll to stop plopping!

Just use upstairs OP and ignore her. How dirty is her one that downstairs is ready for you...? Surely a bathroom is a bathroom. Go upstairs. Lock the door or wedge it with a towel and ignore her

Play music on your mobile. I do this.

@augustusglupe

This thread is so reassuring! I’ve been like this all my life. DH and DD can literally just ‘GO’ anywhere. I envy that freedom of mind to just not care. It’s like that line from Dolly in Dinnerladies... ‘Bob can’t go to the toilet if we have visitors, that’s why I can never have an all-day buffet’

I love Dolly and Jean.

Putting toilet paper in the bin is one of the worst bits of travelling for me. So disgusting. I can't believe so many countries can't get their pipes to handle toilet paper.

I'm the same. I would go to a supermarket to use their public toilet.

Hahaha I can understand in our house- if anyone goes for poo or even wee, anyone downstairs can hear it in clear detail especially the poo bouncing into the toilet.
It makes splish splosh sound very noticeable in the living room.
it’s embarrassing and I try to use the en suite bathroom.

Yes, we are in Greece.

thank your lucky stars you have a toilet by someone's lounge rather than a latrine in some slum somewhere

Yep. Check your privilege!

My innards don't seem to understand the concept of privilege, sadly.

Just to add, I wouldn’t stay with them again if it makes you this uncomfortable.
You are an independent person and cannot be made to do something you don’t want to.

What's next, LTB, put all his stuff in binbags and go NC with his family? FFS, this is our annual summer holiday and my children's opportunity to know their beloved grandparents and their culture!

But you know... The bowels want what the bowels want. Or don't want, as it were.

LuluJakey1 Me too They got the best lines!!

Putting soiled toilet paper in a bin is minging. Doesn't it stink? I thought countries where you couldnt flush paper had those hose things. Otherwise 🤮

Oh god I think I'd refuse to stay there 😂

Putting soiled toilet paper in a bin is minging.
less minging and embarassing than a sewage flood due to a blocked pipes. there is usually a special bin with a tight lid for toilet paper. it doesn't stink (much).

I just can't imagine having a bin full of shit and blood smeared toilet paper in the house. Isn't there a bidet?

Playing music on my phone would drawmoreattention to me being in there, not less!

Thats what I have been thinking!!

you’d have sex with someone but not discuss poo? That’s a whole lot of wrong priorities. Sex is much more intimate.

Strange comparison. Sex is something you do with your partner. Poo is something most people prefer to do alone.

I think OP you need to take your mobile phone with you and play some games or music with drums . If you can't tell your husband then you need to find another solution. Alternatively, go to the nearby public toilet but don't hold.
I don't understand why you can't tell your husband you feel uncomfortable using this loo when everyone is around. He is your husband.