To not be able to go to the toilet at PILs' house?

[TheVamoosh]

Currently at in-laws for two weeks. They've got two bathrooms and we're always given sole use of the "good" bathroom when we stay. Unfortunately, it's separated from the main living area by only a wall and does not have a lock on the door. When you're on the toilet, you're right near both the dining table and the sofa and TV, where there are always people sitting. There's just no good time to go to the toilet, ever! (Even if I could decide for myself when to poo, which I can't.) Today I tried going when I was bathing my children, so their noise would cover mine. That didn't work - MIL came in to give me towels! FFS.

I've even tried sneaking off to the other toilet, which is in a much more private location, only to be told off for using the wrong bathroom! "You're supposed to use the nice one that I have prepared for you!"

As always when we're visiting, I'm horribly constipated. Knowing that people can hear me or come in at any moment makes it impossible for me to go.

AIBU to be this worried about making bathroom noises and smells right next to the main living area?! Who the fuck puts a toilet in such a stupid place anyway?

Can't you go while you're having using the bathroom to have a bath or shower. Go while the taps are running then by the time you've got out the smell will have gone. I wouldn't stay there again if you're this uncomfortable.

Only on Mumsnet.

@thecapitalsunited at sphincter slamming shut.
I also used to send DP to the shop and ask for lots of things in the early days then scuttle into his en suite and poo, or I would volunteer to go to the shop and use the supermarket loo! Glad I'm not the only one.

The issue is the lock.
The rest of it is easily solved by running a bath or shower.

OP, I don’t stay with my ILs because I can’t go to the toilet in their house. They always visit us as we have an en-suite in the guest room so they have all the comfort.

If we go and visit them it will be a hotel.

1. Buy something like this www.amazon.co.uk/Portable-Travel-Lockdown-Security-Apartment/dp/B07QCM8TXG/ref=asc_df_B07QCM8TXG/?hvlocphy=9046047&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=272054178218&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-748446253564&hvrand=9239968138603652024

2. Run the shower

Argh, that would be so uncomfortable!
I agree, you should ask to use the other loo because you need some privacy!

Ergh, I feel your pain - I also can't 'go' in other people's houses. It's such a weirdly psychological thing. It would help that I had exclusive use of this particular bathroom, and I agree with PP who have suggested something like a door wedge.

@Wanderings

Only on Mumsnet.

Where else would anyone discuss this!?!?!

It's exactly what this forum is for- discussion of things difficult in RL.

Bog off with your wink.

i get up earliest and my body is like clockwork.
can you train your body to get up early?
just put a book next to the door, or clothes

i know how you feel my sisters hosue has no locks on any toilet/bathroom door and the one downstairs is right next to the kitchen sometimes it doesnt even close properly-2 kids u can imgaine

she thinks its funny

Presumably your DH and children go there - do you notice?

It is a toilet she is assuming that will happen or if you want the private one talk to your DH

You are not being unreasonable to want some privacy but you are in the sense that you are not dealing with the problem and would rather cause yourself discomfort and pain.

Guess what - we all poo. I really don’t get the issue. Is this some repressed British thing?

Agreed - I'm genuinely surprised at the number of people saying they "can't poo" away from home/if another person is in the same house. If I need to go, I need to go!

The lack of lock on the door is weird, though - they need to fit one.

At my BIL's house you have the choice of a tiny cloakroom right at the centre of where everyone is hanging out or the main bathroom which has a half-glazed door. They completely re-did the house when they moved in yet kept the door.
What's wrong with people?

I sympathise with the problem but how have you had two DC with someone and can't discuss this?!

Get yourself one of those rubber wedge doorstops. You can keep it in your pocket and use it to block the door when you go.

Is there a shower in there? Can you run it while you go?

This has brought back a horrifying memory of going to stay with SIL and her family many years ago. They lived in a wreck of a house with only 1 bathroom/toilet. There was a broken seat on the toilet and no lid. The toilet took 6 minutes to fill up after each flush yes, I timed the bloody thing and the flush was shockingly inefficient so didn't generally flush everything away, resulting in multiple flushes being required. Worst of all, never mind not locking, the toilet door itself didn't even close properly

I'd been there for 3 days (refusing to poo during that time) when I was so uncomfortable I had no choice, so sneaked upstairs to go while everyone else was occupied. I went, and flushed - but very little disappeared. After 6 minutes I flushed again, same result. Now sweating and starting to panic, I waited and repeated the process - only to still see the poo swimming happily in the loo. In desperation I got a load of loo roll, fished it out, wrapped it in loads more and put it in the bin . I refused to ever stay there again, I'm blushing now even remembering it.

Sorry - not helpful but I feel your pain!

You have my sympathy OP. I know exactly this scenario.

Re the ineffective flushing. I recommend filling a bucket or washing up bowl with water and pour g it in from a height. It's usually down to low water pressure or faulty cistern. Once in a b and b I used the bathroom bin for this purpose. Not possible in Greece probably if the bin is full of used toilet paper. not envy

Can't you poo quietly?

Take a door stop with you and pop under the door so they can't open it

I second the wedge under the door, on your side.

Some of you must have had some messed up toilet training experiences or something to be this embarrassed about what is a natural bodily function.

At least with a half-glazed door (assuming it's obscured glass) you can at least see if someone is on the loo and not barge in.

is it because of the noise? can you put in a radio or use you phone?