To not be able to go to the toilet at PILs' house?

[TheVamoosh]

Currently at in-laws for two weeks. They've got two bathrooms and we're always given sole use of the "good" bathroom when we stay. Unfortunately, it's separated from the main living area by only a wall and does not have a lock on the door. When you're on the toilet, you're right near both the dining table and the sofa and TV, where there are always people sitting. There's just no good time to go to the toilet, ever! (Even if I could decide for myself when to poo, which I can't.) Today I tried going when I was bathing my children, so their noise would cover mine. That didn't work - MIL came in to give me towels! FFS.

I've even tried sneaking off to the other toilet, which is in a much more private location, only to be told off for using the wrong bathroom! "You're supposed to use the nice one that I have prepared for you!"

As always when we're visiting, I'm horribly constipated. Knowing that people can hear me or come in at any moment makes it impossible for me to go.

AIBU to be this worried about making bathroom noises and smells right next to the main living area?! Who the fuck puts a toilet in such a stupid place anyway?

Are you in Turkey?

I wouldn't have visited a second time. It sounds grim.

Get a doorstop and wedge it shut from the inside.

Get OH to explain to her you prefer to use the other bathroom?

I suggest you don’t eat when you go there. You’ll have less to poop out

Just to add, I wouldn’t stay with them again if it makes you this uncomfortable.
You are an independent person and cannot be made to do something you don’t want to.

Jesus don't get laxatives! Then you're screwed and will be no hiding it! I learned very young to put loo paper down (hated the splash) amazed more anxious poo-ers up thread haven't figured that out? No one hears then. Don't put too much down though Incase you block the toilet - makes for an even more mortifying situation believe me

If it's a toilet you can't put paper in OP what's the set up? Seeing if I can make other suggestions.

Is there a public toilet close by that you could nip out to? Shopping centre/restaurant. Hold it until you're out with your DP for the day?

You have my sympathies - I'd be worked up over this too!

See if there is an Air BnB nearby? Book it, then suddenly "take up jogging"

WTF is wrong with people who have no lock on the bathroom door??

If they’re worried about kids locking themselves in, just put a bolt really high up.

OP, the doorstop wedge is a great tip - do take one next time.
And ask the ILs to please put a lock on the door - or preferably get your dh to insist.
Having said that, the house of a relative of dh had no door on the bathroom - with the only loo - for a few years! No reason other than it had been taken off for something and nobody had got around to putting it back.

@Blondephantom

You could get a doorstop to wedge the door shut. At least you will not be worried about people walking in. Sorry, can't think of anything to help with the other issues. Is there no fan to drown out the noise/take care of smells?

I was going to suggest this. Can you put a radio on to drown the sound? Use vipoo spray.

If they won't get a lock get a door wedge.

Take your phone into the loo and play music so it drowns out any noise?

Go to Tesco for a poo?

just use the other bathroom
explain it has more privacy and has a lock

Absolute nightmare.scenario.i feel.for you OP..I can.only poo in privacy. One of the reasons I hate camping. I have never.been.able.to poo in other people's houses either my body just seizes up. Is there anyway you could get them all to go out for a few hours while you stay at home?

Go before you shower. Turn the shower on and go then. Surely they aren't going to walk in if they think you are in the shower?

Go at night is my best advice. When I first met dp I just couldn't go during the day, it's stupid but bodies are sometimes, but I wake in the night anyway for the loo and I could go then. Thankfully my brain/body got over this quickly!

As I'm about to make a big farty poo noise, I flush. Then have a big push whilst it's flushing at its noisiest. Same again for the next big push. A few flushes but who cares. Yes to wedge or firmly folded cardboard to jamb underneath.

I'm assuming it's Greece. The toilet paper thing is always a big negative for a beautiful place. But I'm talking hotels not a private house and I totally sympathise with the OPs issues.

No lock isn't a problem if people know that's where you are & aren't rude enough to barge in!

Definitely a lock on the door is the priority. The wedge thing really works and can fit in your wash bag. This would be a huge issue for me. I honestly don’t think I’d recover from MIL arriving with towels 😱

@Confrontayshunme

I'd buy a curry then poo as loud and smelly as I wanted and block their toilet then say "Sorry I was told not to use the other one!"

Every person on this planet shits. In fact, if you don't, you die. Put a sock on the door, get a a magazine and thank your lucky stars you have a toilet by someone's lounge rather than a latrine in some slum somewhere, or God forbid, an American style cubicle where everyone who walks by can see who you are.

Yep. Check your privilege!

Guess what - we all poo. I really don’t get the issue. Is this some repressed British thing?

At my in laws the only loo is next to the kitchen and has a half glazed door!!!!!! Why?????

I thought your aibu would be they told you not to use their toilet during covid, or then that they are making you use a horrible one. They're embarrassed or there's something a little wrong with the other one. I can totally understand it, they're ready for you to use the good one or uncomfortable at you using the mystery toilet. Sorry i know it's not great but yabu

You sont need to discuss intimate details with your husband, just say "please ask your mother to swap bathrooms with us, I feel really uncomfortable using the bathroom attached to the dining room"