"You're looking well"

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Standard mumsnet disclaimer: Light hearted thread

When someone tells you that you are "looking well", what is your first reaction?

Strangely (or not?!) my first reaction is that they think I've put on weight. I think my mum used to joke that "looking well" meant in the "you look like you have been feeding yourself up and look relaxed".

So...I've spent my entire life feeling like people think I'm chubby.

However my friend the other day said I looked like I'd kept the lockdown weight off as I was "looking well". Bugger me, it suddenly became clear that perhaps it ISN'T a veiled insult?!

Tell me: What the heck does "looking well" actually mean?! Have I wasted years of angst on this? Is it actually... a COMPLIMENT?!

My mam says one of two things when she sees me it's either 'have you lost weight?' (admiring)
Or ' you're looking well' with a look up and down.
Definitely means fat/ put on weight to her.

I've never seen for a moment why anyone would think 'you're looking well' means you've put weight on, or at least not an excess amount of weight. I suspect the idea of it being a 'stealth' 'you've put on weight' is from the bullshit misogynist idea that as women we're constantly looking for ways to make little digs at each other because we hate each other and lack the moral courage to be direct or the physical strength to duke it out like good old men.

I do wish we'd lose this idea that our lives aren't worth living if we've put any weight on at all! Weight goes up and down, it's normal, gaining weight isn't the end of the sodding world, we don't have to torture ourselves that someone giving us a complement is telling us we're fat FFS!

Sorry, a bit drunk, a bit of a hobby horse for me.

For me it means what it says...you are looking well...which basically means that you have been looking shit for ages

I use this phrase when it strikes me that someone looks well (shock horror) .Often it's because they've been on holiday and are well rested and perhaps tanned so they literally look healthy. It may be because they've lost weight or were very thin and have gained a little.

I would never say it if someone looked fat, mainly because I am not a rude bitch but also because if I thought they looked like they had put on an unhealthy amount of weight I wouldnt think they looked well so it wouldn't be the phrase that pops to mind.

I won't use it again now.

You look well = You’ve put on weight and I’ve nothing else positive to say.

Usually said to a frienemy and with a smug smile.

Ok so to summarise:

-You've gained weight
-You've lost weight
-You've got a lovely tan
-You look happy
-You look in good health

Are all valid interpretations

a cup half full or half empty
take it as a compliment - if they mean it as an insult its win win
rather like being really smiley & polite to someone whose rude & wants to wind you up (& it has the advantage of annoying them)

I only say it when I think someone looks genuinely well, I bet people have been saying it to me meaning fat though 🙈 now I know better

Is it a class/ age thing? My Mam is working class in her 60s and uses it to mean gained weight (pretty much only with me I think).
I don't know anyone who uses it this way who is younger or more middle class/ richer.

You learn something new every day. I had not the slightest idea that saying to someone "you're looking well" meant anything else but that.

Now I know. So the next time I say it and the recipient bursts into tears, punches me or looks 'mortified', I'll have a better idea and not think wtf.

When I have said it to someone, I have meant it to mean that the person in question looks nice, good, lovely etc. I would not say it otherwise. I did not know it meant to some that they have gained weight.

I didn't know the 'fat' version until reading it here. I don't think I do say it but would mean and understand it as 'look healthy' i.e. good skin, not tired, maybe a bit of a tan, healthy.

I echo Echobelly's drunken thoughts.
From me, it means what it says: looking happy, healthy, relaxed, bright eyed and possibly with that "been having fun outdoors" tan (in fact it's often followed up with "you've a great bit of colour on you")

Life is too short to give this stuff headspace. Do you think men are fretting about this shit? No, they probably hear, "You're lookin' well" and think "She fancies the arse off me. As well she might. I'm a fine figure of a man".

I'm 60, middle class from the south but spent more than half my life in Yorkshire with mostly working class people. In any environment I understand it to mean just what it says. I'd use it if someone looked bright eyed and bushy tailed!

I uslle it for people that aren't nice, in a sarcastic way. A little "oh you're looking, well,". Works perfectly.

Or people that have whacked on the pounds, when there's nothing else to compliment. It's my go to fat person compliment.

Compliment. I think it means healthy and glowy. That’s how I take it and I’m going to carry on taking it. All I need now is someone to say it to me.

If anyone said it to me I'd go back to exante

I'm in London and it doesn't mean fat to me.

I take it as a thing people say when you have to open your mouth and say useless words to be polite and avoid an awkward moment.

'Where I come from it generally means someone’s out on weight and the person can’t think what else to say.'

How are you?
That's a nice bag
You've had a haircut it suits you
How are the kids?

There's always something else to say!

I take it and mean it as 'healthy and glowy' or for those of us who are perpetually exhausted (people with small children/stressful lives, etc.) well-rested.

Don't sweat this.

Seems like the songwriters have been getting it wrong all these years.
E.g.
Bloke:
Here's so many things i like about you, I..
I just don't know where to begin

I like the way you look at me with those beautiful eyes
I like the way you act all surprised
I like the way you sing along
I like the way you always get it wrong
I like the way you clap your hands
I like the way you love to dance
I like the way you put your hands up in the air
I like the way you shake your hair
I like the way you like to touch
I like the way you stare so much
But most of all....
Yeah..
Most of all....

I like the way you move.....
I like the way you move.....

Woman: OMFG he thinks I am drunk and making a holy show of myself. Call me a taxi, the night is ruined.

And the lovers in the Old Testament's Song of Songs will be divorcing each other by the end...

I say this, never knew people would take it as an insult! I say it when people just look nice... nicely dressed, make up, hair... looking happy. I’ve never said it & thought ‘you look well Fat’ ever.

For me this is one of those “Mumsnet Alternate Universe” things.

Prior to reading things on here I’d never encountered the narrative that well = fat

Well always meant = healthy, rested, good complexion, sort of “radiant” with health and looking at peace.

I know in my heart that when someone has said I looked well they didn’t mean fat (for a start, I wasn’t even slightly overweight on the occasions someone said it!) and when I’ve said it, I meant that someone looked radiant and glowing and it was meant as a genuine compliment.

What I don’t like is when the phrase is used, as it has been in the past to me, in response to chronic invisible illness.

“Why can’t you do x?”

“Unfortunately, I have a heart condition that means I’m not able to.”

“Well you look well.”

That is mean and insensitive.

It genuinely would just never occur to me that well = fat. I find it a bit weird to suggest so tbh.

Fat :-(