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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is this a bit rubbish of school?

139 replies

Receptionwoes · 21/08/2020 19:55

Ds (just turned four) is starting reception soon.

He didn’t go to the nursery attached to the school and knows no one.

Due to Covid, all the usual things we’ve been assured they would usually offer, have not been able to take place.

I’ve had one 30 second phone call with a TA who expressed surprise he was coming from that nursery as she doesn’t think they usually have anyone from there at all, and he’s one of only two starting who didn’t go to the nursery there (adding to my nerves).

I filled in an online form they sent out, pre six week holiday, asking about the child and I made a point of saying he doesn’t know anyone, is a summer born boy (therefore not as physically or emotionally mature as the others) and that he’s very sensitive and anxious, it took quite a while for him to settle into nursery. I’m therefore quite (understandably?) nervous about him starting.

They’re offering one hour on the playground the week before he starts straight in with full days 9-3 Monday to Friday the week after. That’s it. We’re not even allowed in the building on his first day to settle him in. A building he’s never set foot in before, filled with strangers.

I’d thought this was all a bit rubbish but due to Covid etc but have recently been hearing about all the things that other schools have been offering ie teachers have come to visit new starters at home/done zoom calls to meet them, phone calls with parents (I got nothing back from the form I sent expressing the above concerns), stay and play sessions, staggered starts etc etc.... now I’ll wondering if it’s the school itself that’s a bit rubbish?! Aibu? I’m all new to this so not sure!

OP posts:

DelurkingAJ · 21/08/2020 19:58

We’ve got:

a picnic if the weather is nice; and
a short call from teacher.

DS1 had lots more...this is a COVID effect.

Is there a Facebook group for the class? Ours has organised a couple of SD trips to the park. Mainly, don’t stress, he’s likely to be completely fine (while you’re a wreck worrying about him!).

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 21/08/2020 20:00

To be honest, this is sort of what school is like. It's not childcare, you don't get a notebook at the end of the day which tells you what they ate, it's everybody in the door and see you at 3.

I don't think you should worry about him not knowing anyone; he will have made friends by the end of day one. And the teachers will quickly be able to assess where all the kids are in terms of education and socially.

CottonSock · 21/08/2020 20:00

No phone call from my school. No settling in. Straight in to a full day. I'm a little anxious too.

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 21/08/2020 20:01

On my daughter's first day I remember crying to DH and saying 'how will they know she's the most important one waaaah!'

You get used to it fast.

Chezacheza · 21/08/2020 20:04

My dd3 is 4 in October and starting kindergarten in September. We got -

A 30 min zoom meeting with the teachers and kids to introduce themselves. And a video tour around the class.

That’s it.

I’ve to drop her off at a designated spot and leave her with her teacher 😬

I’m fairly certain she’s going to kick off

ItsmineAllmine · 21/08/2020 20:04

My son got nothing apart from a group Zoom call with his teacher and class mates! He can barely sit still for 2 mins, let alone for a 20 minute video chat. We recently moved house so he too was starting without knowing a soul, going into a buikding he had never been in beforr, and with staff he didn't know.

Honestly, he has been absolutely fine. Zero issues whatsoever. I think the fact they go in not knowing anyone seems like a big deal to us as adults, but as a 4 or 5 year old it doesn't really matter. They are resilient and they will be ok!

TheCanyon · 21/08/2020 20:05

Our school's the same, no settling in days or visits, just straight in. Unfortunately it is what it is this year.

leiaskye · 21/08/2020 20:06

That’s how they do it at the primary school my daughters went to, now aged 10 & 13.

They are both August babies too, & the eldest knew no-one as had gone to a different nursery.

They had staggered drop off times, but they were straight into a full day. Best way I think.

They were both absolutely fine & loved it. As I’m sure your son will.

The only advice I can offer is, don’t show him how anxious you are about it. Just let him get on with it.

Chezacheza · 21/08/2020 20:06

@IncludeWomenInTheSequel

To be honest, this is sort of what school is like. It's not childcare, you don't get a notebook at the end of the day which tells you what they ate, it's everybody in the door and see you at 3.

We had two settling in days with Dd2

We were also invited to all the activities the school did before the summer holidays that year.

coffeeforone · 21/08/2020 20:07

I'm in a similar situation. My DS (summer born) is also starting a school where most have been to the attached nursery except him and about 4 others (I think). We have had a 30 min call with the head of early years, a 90 minute settling session in a small group with the 3 others in the same boat (during last week of term).

His first day will be 90 mins. Days 2 and 3 will be 3 hours, then from day 4 finishing at 1 pm until week 3 when he will start full time.

I think you are getting less than what I'd expect.

ItsmineAllmine · 21/08/2020 20:10

I forgot to say above - we had no transition, he was in full time from day 1. And we have to leave him at the school gate, so can't take him in. I actually think that made it a bit easier. Less chance of him clinging on to me.

ThickFast · 21/08/2020 20:11

Our school is making sure that all kids and parents get a 1:1 half hour meeting with the class teacher before they start. Then it’s part time for a month. I’m really pleased with that.

OneForMeToo · 21/08/2020 20:14

We have had YouTube videos sent and a phone call. They will do two weeks of half days and we can settle them the first day.

Normally we would have a home visit but apart from that and the transition days prior to the summer holidays it’s pretty much the same. My Dd knows the teacher ish anyway as she has two older siblings at the school so has been in the school since birth and her teacher taught my oldest at one point.

Smellbellina · 21/08/2020 20:14

I’m a reception teacher and if it helps we are so excited and looking forward to welcoming the little ones, we have had a good chat with their nursery key workers and will be spending the first couple of weeks settling the children in, we have spent days setting up the class room trying to make it lovely for them and will go out of our way to make sure they feel happy and secure with us and help them flourish.
I have a DC starting Reception in September too!

Doyoumind · 21/08/2020 20:15

Although in other years it's normal to have at least one visit the term before, every year thousands of children start in schools where they don't know other children and they cope just fine. Our school never allows parents in anyway on the first day. You say goodbye outside.

Back when I was a child I went to school with no prior visits and knowing no one. That was the norm then. We all survived.

Star81 · 21/08/2020 20:20

Our school didn’t allow parents into classroom on starting day either. They said it makes the whole parents leaving even more traumatic for some children which made total sense to me. My child also didn’t go to the nursery but was as happy as Larry from day 1. Small children just like to play with others so honestly it’s not a big deal he doesn’t know anyone.

With the most kindness. You sound very stressed out about him going to school and he will pick up on this and it will make him anxious. Schools know what they are doing and trust them. It’s a difficult time for everyone but he will be fine

OneForMeToo · 21/08/2020 20:20

I deal more for the secondary kids tbh. At least reception is play based.

My oldest is going into year 7 his never stepped foot in the school, no hot food, only one bathroom designated to the year group, no lockers, no idea who their tutor is, now not moving class rooms so no fun science etc, no meeting year groups/house group etc but the expectation to just turn up be told what class and get on with it because your a “big” kid.

These kids have been off since March missed all their leavers etc never got to say goodbye to teachers and friends at least preschools opened back up again and a lot would of been with sahm anyway.

JustMarriedBecca · 21/08/2020 20:21

Similar situation last year. Nothing before the start of term, they didn't care about anything her nursery said and straight in from September. DC also had anxiety although isn't a summer born and was the only one not from the attached pre-school or with friends from another pre-school.

It's just different from nursery. It is what it is.

They are the most caring and most amazing school and we are so lucky to have the kids go there. They have been probably the best school I've heard about in lockdown (assemblies online, daily video lessons for reception, zoom).

I know it's emotional but it's emotional FOR YOU. DC will be fine.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 21/08/2020 20:22

My dd started in reception when everyone bar three others had been in nursery. No settling in. Full time from day one.

It’s school.

BertieDrapper · 21/08/2020 20:23

If he's only 4 I'm pretty sure you don't HAVE to send him full time if you don't want too? But could be wrong!

DD has 4 stay and play sessions - each 1.5 hours - two with a parent and two without. She's also had a call from her teacher and has been sent a picture of her.
I'm already in a class what's app group and some mums have meet up in local parks. She starts full time in mid September but school have said if kids need a slower approach then that can be sorted out.

I'm pretty sure when I started reception, I had one half day then straight in full time. The slower transitions are bit of a new thing aren't they??

Have you talked through his first day with him and what to expect? I take it he came with you when you viewed the school??

SomewhereEast · 21/08/2020 20:23

Parents are allowed to come in & drop off their Reception DCs in our school for at least the first week. Not sure why this is possible in our school but not yours? I think there's also an element of "cos Covid" being used as an excuse TBH

Thisismytimetoshine · 21/08/2020 20:25

@IncludeWomenInTheSequel

On my daughter's first day I remember crying to DH and saying 'how will they know she's the most important one waaaah!'

You get used to it fast.

Christ almighty... Did you really?!

wheresmymojo · 21/08/2020 20:26

Isn't this how every single one of us started school in the past?

Phased starts are a recent thing and I don't think any of us have been scarred for life by it.

CuppaTea82 · 21/08/2020 20:26

My son has a stay and play, face to face meeting with the teacher and then a story time where I drop him off for an hour - all these things would normally have happened June/July time. I'm pleased they are doing them but he won't actually start school till the last week of September which is a bit of a pain.

D4rwin · 21/08/2020 20:28

We have had an online video of the classroom and teacher to watch. And a phone call from someone (I think the teacher) who made some scathing remark suggesting no child has ever been familiar with the books they cover in her class so no she didn't have any book suggestions for summer. usual nonsense from schools really.

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