Or is this a bit rubbish of school?

[Receptionwoes]

Ds (just turned four) is starting reception soon.

He didn’t go to the nursery attached to the school and knows no one.

Due to Covid, all the usual things we’ve been assured they would usually offer, have not been able to take place.

I’ve had one 30 second phone call with a TA who expressed surprise he was coming from that nursery as she doesn’t think they usually have anyone from there at all, and he’s one of only two starting who didn’t go to the nursery there (adding to my nerves).

I filled in an online form they sent out, pre six week holiday, asking about the child and I made a point of saying he doesn’t know anyone, is a summer born boy (therefore not as physically or emotionally mature as the others) and that he’s very sensitive and anxious, it took quite a while for him to settle into nursery. I’m therefore quite (understandably?) nervous about him starting.

They’re offering one hour on the playground the week before he starts straight in with full days 9-3 Monday to Friday the week after. That’s it. We’re not even allowed in the building on his first day to settle him in. A building he’s never set foot in before, filled with strangers.

I’d thought this was all a bit rubbish but due to Covid etc but have recently been hearing about all the things that other schools have been offering ie teachers have come to visit new starters at home/done zoom calls to meet them, phone calls with parents (I got nothing back from the form I sent expressing the above concerns), stay and play sessions, staggered starts etc etc.... now I’ll wondering if it’s the school itself that’s a bit rubbish?! Aibu? I’m all new to this so not sure!

All the people saying it's the parent feeling anxious and he will get over it mustnt have too much experience with an anxious child, some children take longer to settle in. I think a phone call to the school will be a good heads up to the teacher.

I think the most important thing is that you don't pass the anxiety onto your child.

I tend to think that the children who find starting harder generally tend to have parents who make a bigger deal of it than necessary.

is a summer born boy (therefore not as physically or emotionally mature as the others)

Have you met and assessed ALL the other children then?

Statistically that is the case.

As well as logically. It's a big difference at that age.

So there will be no other summer born children? ALL of the others will be emotionally mature autumn born children with no SEN?

He'll be fine, DS is 20 months, he'd had one session at his nursery pre lockdown (lots of issues at the first one including a not recorded head injury) , after three months at home we had to take him to the door and leave him. He got up this morning and the first thing he said was a hopeful 'nursery' (or a toddler approximation of the word) , if a toddler can do it I'm sure your 4 year old will be fine. I don't think all this summer born stuff is helpful either. I was a summer born, never any issues with school, DN was only 4 late August and went to school a fortnight later, gets on very well, no issues. He will pick up on your unnecessary anxiety, it's actually better not to go in with him.

My daughter's are both summer born. With my eldest the teacher was changing over the summer so no meetings, no phone call, no visits. She'd been to nursery but not the school one and knew no one. By the end of the day she had 4 new friends (she's 14 now and still best friends with 2 of them).
My second daughter did have a home visit from her teacher and one short play session.
I don't know about other schools but our school has always had a rule saying no parents in the classroom. Can you imagine 30 children and all the parents? It would be chaos.
I'm sure your son will be fine. They'll do lots of showing where things are. From what I remember in reception they don't even seem to have to encourage new friendships they just happen naturally.
Try to get your son excited. Walk past the school, show him photos, tell him nice stories about your school days or read stories. Whatever you do don't show him you're anxious or say something like "I know you're scared..." as he'll probably decide there's something to be scared of.
I think you'll both be fine and the teacher will be sensitive to the fact things are new and different.

My DD is going into year 2 but when she started Reception she hadn't even met her teacher, they had 2 transition half days but her teachers son was ill for the first one so wasn't there (head of year, headteacher and the TAs for both classes where though) and we missed the 2nd transition day as I was working and Nursery wouldn't take her.

She was absolutely fine, her teacher was the warmest loveliest woman she could of had and DD still talks about fondly. I know it's scary but looking back some of my fears where ridiculous.

I would take him past the school a few times. Do the walk with him. Point out the school and where you will go in. Talk about what he will do at school etc make a big thing of his uniform.

There is probably a Facebook group for the new starters as well so have a look for that.

Can you afford another year of nursery and start him in 2021? You still get the same help as you have had up until now - tax credits etc 3+ funding.

Our secondary has been the same, luckily my two started last September and the September before. But there has been lots of discussion on the parent Facebook group from anxious mum's about the fact their kids are going in blind, haven't met their tutor, haven't had transition day and evening, and bar when they would've gone to open evening they won't know layout of school never mind the one way system in place due to Covid
What has been good for them, according to these new parents, was talking to us old parents who have been there. We've had tips, tricks, what you do need to get for starting school and what you can disregard buying for now, how to get round school, how the day works, taking enough cash, how the homework system works.
Maybe see if there is a Facebook group for your DCs school, and if so, pop in there and see if any of the long term lot from nursery are meeting in the park in the weeks before or suggest doing so so at least they'll be able to make a little friendship group.

Not meeting the tutor isn't a big deal. We quite often have new staff members taking over as tutors and everyone copes.

The teachers know it is all new. We know they will be nervous. We know there's lots of new rules. Try not to worry, we will help them. We will look after them and we will explain everything. We don't expect them to know anything about the school yet.

Please reassure your children we can't wait to meet them and we will look after them.