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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is this a bit rubbish of school?

139 replies

Receptionwoes · 21/08/2020 19:55

Ds (just turned four) is starting reception soon.

He didn’t go to the nursery attached to the school and knows no one.

Due to Covid, all the usual things we’ve been assured they would usually offer, have not been able to take place.

I’ve had one 30 second phone call with a TA who expressed surprise he was coming from that nursery as she doesn’t think they usually have anyone from there at all, and he’s one of only two starting who didn’t go to the nursery there (adding to my nerves).

I filled in an online form they sent out, pre six week holiday, asking about the child and I made a point of saying he doesn’t know anyone, is a summer born boy (therefore not as physically or emotionally mature as the others) and that he’s very sensitive and anxious, it took quite a while for him to settle into nursery. I’m therefore quite (understandably?) nervous about him starting.

They’re offering one hour on the playground the week before he starts straight in with full days 9-3 Monday to Friday the week after. That’s it. We’re not even allowed in the building on his first day to settle him in. A building he’s never set foot in before, filled with strangers.

I’d thought this was all a bit rubbish but due to Covid etc but have recently been hearing about all the things that other schools have been offering ie teachers have come to visit new starters at home/done zoom calls to meet them, phone calls with parents (I got nothing back from the form I sent expressing the above concerns), stay and play sessions, staggered starts etc etc.... now I’ll wondering if it’s the school itself that’s a bit rubbish?! Aibu? I’m all new to this so not sure!

OP posts:

SamsMumsCateracts · 21/08/2020 20:57

@Fizzingsherbert That's great, it really does make such a difference. DS is 8 and now going into year 3, rather than year 4 if he'd been with his chronological cohort. I was worried that his teachers would view him differently, but when he spoke to the teacher he had this year, on his birthday, she was really surprised that he was 8 and had completely forgotten that he was out of year group. He just blends in with the others and his friends think he's cool because he's a bit older haha. I don't think his new teacher even knows that he's out of year.

ohthegoats · 21/08/2020 21:00

He'll be fine. All the children will be in the same boat. Teachers will be prepared for that.

Siennabear · 21/08/2020 21:01

My son is starting in September. His first week he meets the teacher for a short session, about 20 minute. 2nd week 3 x stay and play sessions 2 hours each. 3rd week. Stay and play every day 2 hours each. 3rd week 9-1 every day If ready. 4th week 9-2:45 every day. I’m very happy with this but it is a lot of juggling of work!

Fizzingsherbert · 21/08/2020 21:02

@SamsMumsCateracts oh that's really reassuring!! We are 100% we made the right choice but it's good to know that as they get older it doesn't become an issue in their adoptive cohort. He's one of 4 going into his reception class who have been deferred, so in good company!

oakleaffy · 21/08/2020 21:08

@ReceptionwoesKnowing what I knew LATER, I wish I'd not made DS start school at just 4.
He did love it, but they are almost a year behind some of the kids.
DS was physically a lot smaller than the other, older, children.
At a school reunion, recently, they met as adults, and DS towered above them. It does give kids an advantage to start later, I think, but DS did really like it. {When he was young, at least}.
Does your DS have to start so young?

WaltzfortheMars · 21/08/2020 21:09

We didn't have any home visit/phone calls etc. No one hour in the playground prier to starting full time either. Once the children were taken into school, no parents were allowed to remain. Dc knew no one in the class. It went all fine.

SamsMumsCateracts · 21/08/2020 21:09

@Fizzingsherbert wow, he's very lucky to be in good company! I think it's a bit more common. Back when we deferred we knew no one else who had. Even the Head hadn't met a deferred child and said that their academy trust of six schools had never had a deferred child before.

SusieOwl4 · 21/08/2020 21:10

Takes me back . No preschool ,no nursery , age 5 first day at school just left with teacher . Yes I remember it. Yes I cried . But I survived .

I hated milk bottles ever day more. Yuk

Polly2345 · 21/08/2020 21:12

We got to visit the school in early July and meet the teacher for 30mins. Only got to see the reception classroom because of Covid-19. The reception teacher did a video tour of the rest of the school and emailed it to us. He also read a story on video and put that online. They will start on half days.

iolaus · 21/08/2020 21:14

Mine all went straight in 9-3 full time from day 1 (and sent them to Welsh medium school when neither of us spoke it - and because DD1 started earlier than expected we didn't even send her to a Meithrin first (bilingual nursery/playgroup) - we'd planned on it for the two terms when she was due to start school then the school offered January intake for those born Sept - Dec) they were all fine

I think they did have an hour or two one day in the term before they started with parents - but we were all one side of the classroom being talked to while the kids played the other side

Dancingdeer77 · 21/08/2020 21:15

Just wanted to make you aware that you have an absolute legal right (so definitely not down to head teacher rules, preferences, ideas etc!) to send him part time, not send him or defer starting until year one without losing your school place (some schools also allow a one year deferred reception start).

I’d really recommend given everything you’ve said that you look up the school admissions code and armed with your legal rights, inform the school what transition timetable you are putting in place.

BTW I’m a reception teacher

seven201 · 21/08/2020 21:16

The first week of term reception kids aren't in except for a 10 min meet the teacher slot. Second week all days 9-12, third week 9-1 then fourth week normal times. I'm the opposite of you. I just wish they'd go straight in to full days from day one or at least week 2. My dh is having to use 12 days of annual leave as I'm not allowed days off in term time.

welshweasel · 21/08/2020 21:22

We’ve had no contact from the school other than a letter detailing the arrangements for September. We then have a ridiculous 3 week phased entry. I’d rather full time from day 1. I guess you can’t keep everyone happy!

Dinosaurpooped · 21/08/2020 21:26

If you’re so worried then either send him part time or delay him starting completely. He is not of compulsory school age until the term after he is 5 so until then you can do what you want.

MintyMabel · 21/08/2020 21:27

Phased starts are a recent thing and I don't think any of us have been scarred for life by it.

We did a weeks of half days 40 decades ago when I started school. I wept buckets because I couldn’t go back in the afternoon with my siblings.

Isawthathaggis · 21/08/2020 21:27

@IncludeWomenInTheSequel

Brilliant!

tinkerbellla · 21/08/2020 21:30

@CharlieTPatteson

You sound lovely Smellbellina 😊very much like my child’s reception teacher. These are difficult times for us all and everyone is just trying to find their feet so it’s all going to be different between each school. All we can hope for are safe, healthy, happy children over the next little while.

I was thinking the same. Thank you for posting that @Smellbellina.

IndieTara · 21/08/2020 21:32

DD started school 7 years ago and didn't know anybody either. Even then I wasn't allowed in with her on the first day. We did have a home visit from one of the teachers a couple of months beforehand though.
She was fine and she's an anxious child.
Just about to start secondary school where she again knows no one

amy85 · 21/08/2020 21:33

That's school for you....normally DD would have spent s morning visiting the school before the summer holidays and then would have done a half day on her first day and then she straight into full days.... However due to covid she gets a 30-minute meeting with her teacher a half day and then she's in full time....she also knows noone

BreconBeBuggered · 21/08/2020 21:33

It will be fine. Don't let your misgivings let you manufacture uncertainties that you might unwittingly communicate to your child. There's no possible approach that won't annoy or upset at least one set of Reception parents. There are probably a good number of parents reading this who are deeply envious of your DC's early plunge into FT school.

AuntyMabelandPippin · 21/08/2020 21:39

I'm in Scotland, our P1s have started. No transition for them this year, they all just came in on the first day.

They've all settled really well. I hope it's the same for yours.

Maryann1975 · 21/08/2020 21:42

When dc1 started at school, we had done several stay and play type things at the school. Parents were able to go in to the classroom to drop the children off and the whole thing was very chaotic every morning. It was a 2 form entry, so 60 4/5 year olds, 60 parents and numerous younger siblings/pushchairs etc all trying to crowd in to the cloakroom and classroom to make sure that the children were settled. Then the teachers trying to manoeuvre the parents out of the door who were hanging around chatting in the cloakroom. It took months to settle dd and the teacher was very often busy trying to speak to parents while I was desperately trying trying to peel dc from my legs. We also did part days until October half term which would have been a nightmare for working parents. There are normally loads of threads on mn about the inconvenience of part days in reception as nurseries very often can’t accommodate the children anymore.

When we moved areas and it was time for dc2 to start school, we got one settling in session In July, children only. Then half the class started on the Tuesday, full time, the other half started on the Thursday, full time. For the first couple of weeks, parents were able to take them through the gate to the classroom door, where a TA was waiting to scoop them up as they said goodbye to parents. Parents never stepped foot in the school. A far better situation, with no lingering goodbyes, children were kept busy and distracted and dc2 settled far quicker than dc1 despite being a far more anxious child.

Your arrangement for starting school sounds fine to me, Be positive when you talk to your child about it, make sure everything is organised for him and make sure he as ‘school ready’ as you can at this point, can he go to the toilet by himself, take of his shoes and coat independently and recognise them and put them back on again, feed himself using cutlery if having hot dinners or open his own lunch box and packets if having a packed lunch.

Talk about his teachers and how much fun he will have and explain that parents don’t go in to school, because it is for children.

Tbh, I’m not surprised the teacher didn’t respond to your email about your child being anxious (although it is bad manners to not do so to reassure you), but if you read the post from the pp Who said On my daughter's first day I remember crying to DH and saying 'how will they know she's the most important one waaaah you might realise that the teacher may have had several of this kind of email and knows that the children will generally all be fine and it is the parents worrying, not the child.

It is hard to send them off to school, especially this year, but I’m sure your dc will be fine and will make friends very quickly.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/08/2020 21:42

There is some great advice on this thread. It's not an ideal time, but he will be FINE and will start making acquaintances on day one, even if he doesn't, he will muck in with the others. Don't weigh to much on the teacher's comment about nursery, it is irrelevant after day one.
Try to be as upbeat and confident as you possibly can with him, without giving him a false sense of its going to be so exciting or anything.. Get him talking about how he thinks it will be even if its just looking at pictures of the school. Build his confidence in laying out clothes and getting dressed. If you have a real concern, contact the school again. It is hard worrying about how they will adapt, but he's got a very caring mum and he will be fine. Oh yes. when he comes out he will be tired out, hungry (hangry?) and thirsty. So lots of tlc and time to relax and get his bearings again straight after school. He will be fine. Good luck!!

bashcrashfall · 21/08/2020 21:56

My sons's school does staggered starts. But they have got less staggered over the years as parents have complained they can't get childcare to cover half days. Some parents also complain about settling in sessions, assemblies, pretty much any school event as they find it hard to get time off work and feel their child is disadvantaged. So they complain about what is intended to be a nice activity. Basically, whatever the school does they can't win. (The communication from schools is invariably pretty poor though - you will get half the information for everything - identify a parent with an older sibling and ask them what the hell is going on as they will know as they have done it before.)

My eldest is summer born and knew no-one at his new school as his preschool was out of the area because of a house move. He was fine and to be honest barely noticed that some of the others already knew each other.

Petronas · 21/08/2020 21:56

@SusieOwl4

Takes me back . No preschool ,no nursery , age 5 first day at school just left with teacher . Yes I remember it. Yes I cried . But I survived .

I hated milk bottles ever day more. Yuk

I remember all the crying too, all the craziness - don't think anyone died but I do remember how awful it was listening to them all (I had a year behind me already).

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