Or is this a bit rubbish of school?

[Receptionwoes]

Ds (just turned four) is starting reception soon.

He didn’t go to the nursery attached to the school and knows no one.

Due to Covid, all the usual things we’ve been assured they would usually offer, have not been able to take place.

I’ve had one 30 second phone call with a TA who expressed surprise he was coming from that nursery as she doesn’t think they usually have anyone from there at all, and he’s one of only two starting who didn’t go to the nursery there (adding to my nerves).

I filled in an online form they sent out, pre six week holiday, asking about the child and I made a point of saying he doesn’t know anyone, is a summer born boy (therefore not as physically or emotionally mature as the others) and that he’s very sensitive and anxious, it took quite a while for him to settle into nursery. I’m therefore quite (understandably?) nervous about him starting.

They’re offering one hour on the playground the week before he starts straight in with full days 9-3 Monday to Friday the week after. That’s it. We’re not even allowed in the building on his first day to settle him in. A building he’s never set foot in before, filled with strangers.

I’d thought this was all a bit rubbish but due to Covid etc but have recently been hearing about all the things that other schools have been offering ie teachers have come to visit new starters at home/done zoom calls to meet them, phone calls with parents (I got nothing back from the form I sent expressing the above concerns), stay and play sessions, staggered starts etc etc.... now I’ll wondering if it’s the school itself that’s a bit rubbish?! Aibu? I’m all new to this so not sure!

3 years ago I dropped my DD at the school gate. That was what it was like at that school... No parents on site, including first day. We had only moved a week before, and had a brief tour then. Second day, she caught the school bus.

It sounds uncaring and impersonal... But for my DD who had always hated the preschool handovers, it was perfect. She lived preschool, but hated all the fuss at the beginning and end. No more tears.

My DS didn't know anyone on the first day and I had to leave him at the door. Kids are more resilient than you think. Don't make a big thing about it in his earshot. I guarantee you that his first day will be fine.

Oh and no taster day and full school days from first day, usual National school starting day. They all came full days from day one.

When I started reception many many years ago, I didn't know a soul.

We moved from an area that didn't have reception class (so started at 5) to an area that did. Right in the middle of the school year, so not only did I not know anyone everyone else already had friends and I was the new kid with a strange accent.
I was fine.

Honestly, it will be absolutely fine. I was on maternity until the last weemail of the summer term so I could only offer phone calls to speak with parents. I've post a couple of videos of me reading a story.and I'll hopefully upload a little tour of the classroom. However, the builders have been in so that may be impossible!

I'm also a parent of a new starter and I've never spoken to her teacher or seen her! I'm absolutely okay with that I understand that schools have been under enormous pressure and nothing is as it was.

I'm doing a week of staggered starts nut parents can't come in the school!

I honestly think weeks of staggered starts and half days only make it worse as it builds it up to be something big and scary and it doesn't need to be like that at all.

Your DS will be fine 😊

I'm a teacher in early years - sen school. My 2.5 year old had to start nursery day care last week for the first time - he normally goes to my mum but she is having chemo and due to covid we aren't allowed close to them - her household has to continue to shield to October.
But the nursery aren't allowing any parents inside. We couldn't even view it, got told to look at fb photos and we saw the garden. He had 3 days of settling in- 2 hours day 1, 4 hours day 2, 6 hours day 3 and then in to full days this week as I'm back at work (nursery couldn't take him any earlier due to spaces) we had to leave him at the front door. Have never been inside the building or seen his room or properly even met the staff in his room other than the ones who leave him to the door when I pick him up.
It's been hard but once he's in he is happy (parting is still very hard 😢)
I'm having my class kids come in with parents next week but it's just half hour in the playground. It's all we are allowed to do within the guidance to keep school safe.
We did make booklets and videos though to introduce ourselves and the classroom. It's hard though it isn't how any of us would want to introduce them to school for the first time.
I would be happy if you were one of my parents to talk to you on the phone or by email though

Settling in the class room wasn't a thing for my kids, nor were teacher phone calls or home visits. We got story time 3 weeks running but only because she was at the attached nursery, those who weren't didn't do any transition or meet the class (most at attached nursery). Try not to worry because that will transfer to him

It does seem extreme. Our school did a series of small gatherings in the reception classroom in the weeks before the end of term. Each teacher has done a video, including current pupils doing a tour and showing the uniform etc. They've done individual zoom calls, and where kids/parents were really nervous have done socially distanced doorstep calls.

@Smurf123 you sound like a lovely Reception Teacher who understands and acknowledges the very strong emotions parents and kids can feel at this time - your caring nature must be a real comfort for the families you interact with.

I feel lucky in comparison... we were invited in small groups into the classroom last month, so my son has seen his classroom and met his teacher in person already.

Then we will have staggered starts, first a half day where we stay in the classroom with him, then a full day where we can stay or leave as we decide best. I do understand why you’re nervous. Hopefully your son will adapt quickly though x

This is the norm sadly now.However what they will probably do is make the first week or so like the transition days . hope all goes ok

A staggered start would be worse. Pre school aren't taking mine FT until the end of Sept.

It's a complete ballache.

Just keep reminding him he is a big school boy soon. Don't let him see you are anxious or he wo pick up on it. Drop him off with a big smile and leave immediately. Don't hang around outside. These are Covid times.

My son started reception in 2018, straight from a different nursery, knew no one, only one other child from a different nursery. Obviously pre covid, he got 2 hours in the class in the July before he started. I got an hour to listen to a speech/introduction from the staff without him. I don’t think that’s much different to what you’re being offered, and it’s very different times. I didn’t expect any more, and he was fine. Obviously nervous, but fine. He’s got a great group of mates now. I find it’s the parents that are more reluctant to break their established friendships than the kids

You say you haven't viewed the school because of recent move and lock down. Can you at least go have a look at school from outside?

Ah don’t feel guilty. We all play the cards we have and I’m sure your son is in a much better position than many children with a loving mum who knows what he needs.

Please do make it known now what you would like. They is absolutely a happy medium between being an overly demanding parenting and just accepting everything even if you aren’t happy.
As a reception teacher the hardest families to work with are those who don’t talk to me and then suddenly are very upset about something. A parent politely advocating for the child is not ‘that’ parent. Please also don’t be gaslight by people saying “it will all be fine”. If you don’t think it will then you are the expert on your child. Every child really is different. Email or ring and ask for a meeting, ask for a zoom call. It’s perfectly reasonable, honestly

*There not they

@IncludeWomenInTheSequel

On my daughter's first day I remember crying to DH and saying 'how will they know she's the most important one waaaah!'

You get used to it fast.

This is hilarious! I can totally relate!

OP, my DS was the only one from his nursery when he started school last year, and he's very quiet. He gets anxious in new places. The school had an afternoon in the June for the class to come in, see their classroom, meet the teacher etc.

As it happened, the teacher was off sick that day. DS took one look at the classroom and ran down the hall screaming. It was awful. I spent all summer dreading him starting because the welcome day had been so bad.

Day 1 in September: he skipped in happily, waved goodbye and has been absolutely fine ever since! Not knowing anyone hasn't mattered; as far as I can tell, at break and lunch they all just go into the playground and run like mad until they're called back in, so it's not like they're all sitting around reminiscing about Nursery. Kids that age are fairly friendly, your DS will be ok.

YANBU my sons primary are doing a phased start (first week half days) and a visit from his teacher at home the week before.

Some children haven't been in a childcare setting/away from a parent since March, which was the reasoning his school have for the above.

The TA hasn’t helped saying that. It’s nothing to do with the nursery whether they get a place at a school or not. I’ve known people attend the nursery and not get a school place because someone else lives closer. There are lots of children who know no one when they first start school. Myself and my friends included. They’re all fine.

I have only read 2 pages of this thread, but get the feeling most people say: 'Parents worry and fuss, but kids are all fine- your son will be fine- kids are resilient'.
I do think this is true for most kids, but if he does have a hard time settling in, you should know that there is a significant minority of children who have a really hard time adjusting. Don't feel like yours is the only one if that happens!

I do agree that meeting the teacher and having a some of the taster days, etc, is probably not the thing that makes the difference. My children cared less about those sorts of things than I did... What made a difference to them was: 1) their own temperament, 2) having sensitive, patient, experienced teachers.

Oh, I wanted to add to my last post that the other reason things like taster days, gentle beginnings, etc might be important is that they give a hint of a gentle and sympathetic attitude on the part of the school. That approach also translates into having teachers and administration who see kids as individuals and have a flexible way of treating those individuals.

I agree @PurrBox
An experienced teacher will spot straight away that your child is anxious and make sure to reassure him. My dd is moving into reception and will be going just mornings for the first week so I'm not too worried.
When she started nursery she knew no one there, hated loud noises, refused to go on Fridays cos of all the loud music in assembly and would normally just stand by and watch the children instead of joining in. The teacher and TAs were fantastic, they let her help and joing the 2 year olds and she knew that she could wander between the under 3s and main nursery whenever she liked.
She started off by going straight to the younger area then slowly decided she wanted to join in with her group and they let her.
She is soo excited about reception I just hope that Covid doesn't raise its head and schools don't get shut down too soon

There is a lot to be said for waiting until children care older before starting school, in my opinion.