Or is this a bit rubbish of school?

[Receptionwoes]

Ds (just turned four) is starting reception soon.

He didn’t go to the nursery attached to the school and knows no one.

Due to Covid, all the usual things we’ve been assured they would usually offer, have not been able to take place.

I’ve had one 30 second phone call with a TA who expressed surprise he was coming from that nursery as she doesn’t think they usually have anyone from there at all, and he’s one of only two starting who didn’t go to the nursery there (adding to my nerves).

I filled in an online form they sent out, pre six week holiday, asking about the child and I made a point of saying he doesn’t know anyone, is a summer born boy (therefore not as physically or emotionally mature as the others) and that he’s very sensitive and anxious, it took quite a while for him to settle into nursery. I’m therefore quite (understandably?) nervous about him starting.

They’re offering one hour on the playground the week before he starts straight in with full days 9-3 Monday to Friday the week after. That’s it. We’re not even allowed in the building on his first day to settle him in. A building he’s never set foot in before, filled with strangers.

I’d thought this was all a bit rubbish but due to Covid etc but have recently been hearing about all the things that other schools have been offering ie teachers have come to visit new starters at home/done zoom calls to meet them, phone calls with parents (I got nothing back from the form I sent expressing the above concerns), stay and play sessions, staggered starts etc etc.... now I’ll wondering if it’s the school itself that’s a bit rubbish?! Aibu? I’m all new to this so not sure!

Ds is august born and will be 4 by a matter of a few days by the time he starts school. He’s never been to nursery but has been to childminders. He doesn’t know anyone from the school aside from a few older kids from the childminders. He obviously won’t see them. The school doesn’t have a nursery attached but the local nursery is a big feeder for the school, so I reckon about 60-70% of the kids are from The nursery.

Ds has only been to the school once when we initially looked round, the teachers have changed since, so he’s never met her. However we’ve driven past the school and he’s walked up to the school a few times (the head has said this is fine as long as the gates are open and we social distance etc). We’ve pointed out what gate he goes through and we’ve been on the website so he know who the teacher will be, same goes for who’s the head. We’ve shown him what the school looks like from pictures/videos online and given him a rough idea of what to expect. Essentially try and tell him what he’s likely to expect, so the first day mummy will drop you off on this
Spot and you will line up with your new class, you will get a space to hang your coat with your name on etc. That at lunchtime you will go into the hall and the nice dinner lady will put your food on your tray, then you carry your tray to your table and you sit with the class etc. Make it sound like lots of fun and don’t let him realise your anxious or worried. Make sure he can do the basics for himself and then it’s less for him to worry about. Remind him that mummy will pick him up at the end of the day. And you will meet up by the gate etc. And he can tell you all about his day.

We have one session with a parent, then 2 days on his own part time, then full time. Normally the teacher spends time with the kids before school, and they had induction days prior to September.

That similar to what we got, and ds was the only one who joined school from his nursery. We're 8 days in now, he cried in the playground whilst looking for his line for the first 5 mornings while I watched helplessly from across the railings and cried on his way out because he was so relived to see me and because 'school is too long a time each day'.

But last 2 mornings he has skipped in and says he likes school now and its fun. It is all a bit shit but its covid, everything is affected, but he'll likely get over it as he knows no different and it will all become familiar quickly.

Like others my summer born son went straight in, not knowing anyone and was fine. There was a teacher visit to home but that was a few weeks after he started.

Your child will "take their cue" from you. If you are confident and positive when lreparing them to go and on the day, then they will be too. If you are a gibbering wreck at that first drop off then they're going to be the same!

We moved about 200 miles away a couple of days before I started school, aged 4. Straight into full school experience and 2 of the girls I made friends with on the first day are still 2 of my best friends (despite living at opposite ends of the country now!)
Try not to worry, he will be fine but the teacher will be more than able to help if he has a wobble!

@Smellbellina that doesn’t help, the school haven’t been in touch with his nursery at all

@BertieDrapper we haven’t been able to view the school, moved here just before lockdown 😣

Two schools in our Federation.

School A: knows most of new intake as they are younger siblings. One entirely new child, teacher met her and her mum after school one day at end of last term for a short chat and to show classroom. They are all in 9-3:15 Mon to Friday as soon as school starts.

School B: Preschool attached and outdoor play area of Reception class joins on to the Preschool outdoor area, separated only by small fence. So children attending preschool sort of know staff a bit and vice versa. Most (but not all) of Reception come from Preschool. Reception have offered no home visits or internet/phone calls and obviously transition days were non-existent last term. You could however make an appointment via the office for a phone call with teacher if you had any concerns. First week they are in every other day, mornings only. (Think class has been split in 2 so less children in any one session as they get used to it.) Week 2 they are in one day, extending the morning session to encompass lunch at school too. Then Thurs onwards it's all day every day. Usually they spend the whole first week and first half of week 2 gradually extending days.

He’s very anxious and sensitive. These aren’t my anxieties. As an extrovert it’s been a surprise and a challenge to know how best to respond to his anxieties. He’s worried that he doesn’t know anyone. He really struggled to settle in at nursery and tbh, friendship groups have formed in his nursery and seems to have stuck, I was expecting them to be fluid but it’s not seemed to be the case 🤷‍♀️

Are you sure? We have over the summer, the parents wouldn’t necessarily know? All I can say is that I haven’t met a eyfs teacher who doesn’t love working with the little ones and providing that extra love and care to settle them in.
If you haven’t already then do email, last week of term I think most teachers will access emails and reply this week. I would hate a parent of a child in my class to be feeling really anxious this close to start and not start a dialogue with them.

Even without Covid, I think it would be unusual to let you into the building - goodbyes are said in the playground/at the schoolgate

Ours has all the parents in on the first day, it was really good, no tears or tantrums from kids or parents.

Oh dear OP, while I am sure he will be completely fine (bet you are more nervous than he is!) that is a bit rubbish.

DD’s new school has done a half hour Teams/Zoom call with the teacher and TA for every child, a video tour of the classroom and PowerPoint with pics of a typical day. They have also sent every child a “transition book” to fill in with the child’s likes/dislikes/family info/favourite activity/toy etc. We have also had a parent focussed PowerPoint presentation.

For the start of term they have 2 (1.5 hour) settling in sessions in week one, then half days 3 days/week, then half days all week, then half days plus lunch etc gradually building up with the first full week of full days being the week before half term.

It looks fab for DD (we have one full time worker, one SAHP) but is a complete and utter nightmare for any families with two working parents. Which doesn’t directly impact us but is an issue for some. Tbh while the school seems lovely I get the impression that they rather assume that there is a SAHP in most families (and there probably is in the majority round us but even so maybe 30-40% have 2 working parents).

There have been some truly lovely comments on here, thank you! Really appreciate them.

Sorry - just seen that it is very much his anxiety not you (I am a slow typer and got distracted!)

Even so I am sure they will do everything they can to put him at ease. after all, at least he has been in a childcare setting previously, there will be some children there who have only ever been at home.

@Smellbellina they definitely haven’t, I’ve asked nursery because I was hoping they would, especially considering the TA told me she knows all the other children already...you sound fab, the children (and parents) are lucky to have you!

For those suggesting I delay his start/send him part time...I work full time. I’ve barely made it through lockdown having him and his siblings at home, trying to work when nursery was shut. I feel such incredible guilt that I’m not delaying his school start because of work 😭

Our school is using one of our training days in September to invite parents/child in to meet their teachers in small groups . Strictly timetabled, we'll spend the whole day doing it, but we think it's important for everyone, especially the new Reception children.

My DD has just started P1 in Scotland having done reception last year.

8 days in most of the kids seem happier to go into school than at this point in reception where we did have all the settling in stuff, parents milling and waving from outside the window. Dropping them at the door seems easier for them than taking them in etc.

My DS2 was born in February and when he was young was always trying to do what his brother could do. His brother (born in May) settled into the school nursery (same school) quite well, so I was taken aback to find that DS2 never really did. I had to stay for ages for the first few days and after that had to get him early several times. So I was astonished on his first day in Reception, which was full time instead of morning only, not to get calls from school and that he seemed to be fine.

Yes @Thisismytimetoshine but I was kidding

YABU just for the statement 'summer born' I stopped reading after that. All of mine are 'summer born' doesn't make them special or slower than their peers!

You can do a mixture of childminder/day nursery and school, until the term after his 5th birthday, should you want to.

I would ask school directly for a meeting with the teacher and to be allowed in the school before day1. Explain why and be very assertive. You have every right to ask for what your child needs. I’m a teacher and would do whatever I could to help his transition.

Summer born has a massive effect, and can mean the child has just turned 4 when they start school!

My July born son started school this year. He was the only one from his nursery. He had 45 min home visit from his teacher and a one hour stay and play. More than Covid allows I know, but not enough to form friendships before term started. He was fine and had made friends by the end of the first day of term. Even with all the weirdness of this year he’s flourished and has a lovely group of friends.

Your being the anxious parent and your assuming things about your child.
Get it out of your head about summer born as they will just treat him like everybody else they won’t think “oh he’s summer born he won’t cope” He won’t get any extra attention when hes settling in because of when he was born. And neither should he, he could be fine and if he’s not they will act accordingly.

I’m sorry but we are in a pandemic and you have to go with the flow. Mines going up to secondary school there’s been no inductions days, he’s been to one induction day and that’s it. On Wednesday he will get in a bus for the first time and he will have to cope when he gets to school.
It’s just the way things are at the moment.

But as a parent you have the responsibility and you have had several weeks to prepare your son for what he can expect, what will happen on the first day,
How you are not allowed in the building etc.

YABU. He doesn’t need a settling in period; he’ll go in and either take a while to adjust or be fine. Either way will be good for him; he’ll learn to adapt quickly.

Starting school is always made such a big deal of by parents, but for the kids, it’s just something new and exciting. They don’t place the same emotions and anxiety on it that parents do.

They don’t need mollycoddling; they’ll be a more healthy and robust kind of person by just getting on with it without a fuss.