AIBU to not give him my blessing?

[Oscarsmom]

My dad was arrested and cautioned for accessing illegal porn. My mum died around the same time (6 years ago)

He has now met a woman he wants to start a relationship with. He says that he isn't going to tell her.

He has never been a physical threat, and has undergone counselling for what he refers to as his addiction.

We have all been through hell with this. We had to wait 2 years while the police got around to cautioning him - during that time, he wasn't allowed to discuss the nature of what he had been looking at, so our imaginations were running riot. They found 9 Category C images on his laptop.

We are only just starting to piece things back together. I've been suffering with severe anxiety and panic attacks throughout it all.

He is 79, and I understand he wants companionship but think it would be immoral and dishonest of him to not tell this woman, as I would want to know.

I'm interested to hear what other people think. AIBU to not give him my blessing?

Sorry what are category C images?

What kind of images were the category 9's? I know they're classified as the least severe, but what were they of?

Category C of what?

Isn’t category C usually child sex abuse?

With A being the worst?

She has a right to know. YANBU

I think you're minimising this. It doesn't matter what category they were or how long the police took to caution him, it's horrific if we are talking about indecent images of children. Which is most definitely not "illegal porn" as that suggests the children were willing participants.

I would tell her myself. What if she has dgc, just because he hasn't been caught touching a child doesn't mean that he's not a risk to them

He absolutely needs to tell anyone he is around like that. What if she has grandchildren he may have access to?

Are you recategorising images of child abuse as 'illegal porn'? For that YABU.

Not 'illegal porn', call it what it is - child abuse

I don't think the category matters. The woman deserves to know.

He has never been a physical threat

You can't possibly be sure of that. What if this woman has grandchildren who could be exposed to your father? Of course you need to tell her. I'm wondering why you allow your father to have a place in your life, honestly.

What is "illegal porn"? Do you mean images of child abuse?

If so, I would not be minimising this - I wouldn't have any sort of relationship with him at all.

It sounds like both of you are doing some serious minimising here.

OP - please don’t refer to child abuse images as “illegal porn”.

I’m assuming that is what he was looking at, is that right?

If it involves children I would want to know

She is likely to have grandchildren or even great grandchildren. She needs to know for their sake. Even if he didn’t “take” the photos he was still looking which is a perversion in itself and I would not want to take that risk.

Well, if it was child sexual abuse then I would tell her because your father should not be alone with children, and he should be watched very carefully when in the company of other people around children.

If it was abuse images of adult women I’d still tell her, because if her prospective new partner gets off on the sorts of things that are illegal in porn, which let’s face it, is pretty extreme considering the vile abuse that passes for mainstream nowadays, then she needs to be warned, lest he decide he wants to enact any of that stuff on her.

In short, if a potential partner had vile depraved sexual tastes I’d bloody well want to know.

I also think the age factor is a red herring here, because a 79 year old man presumably isn’t going to be having a relationship with a young fit and strong woman, so there will still be a strength and power imbalance.

I wonder what Cat C means in this context. I googled:

"A.Images involving penetrative sexual activity; images involving sexual activity with an animal or sadism. B. Images involving non-penetrative sexual activity. C. Other indecent images not falling within categories A or B."

Ask your father outright if children were involved. If it just adults fondling, I can't imagine the police would have been bothered. He was cautioned and when porn involves children it usually goes further than that.

When you know the facts, then decide whether or not the woman needs to know. Personally I would encourage him to tell her, he hasn't been convicted.

Adult consenting porn isn't illegal

If it's children then she needs to know. But I'm guessing C could also be animals. You need to find out what it was really in order to know what to do. Either way as a partner I'd want to know but is it up to you to tell her?

These categories are specifically used for child sexual abuse images. Not pornography. So what OP is saying is that her father received a caution for images relating to child abuse.

If I were the woman, I’d want to know. She might have grandchildren.

Is he subject to a Sexual Offences Prevention Order? He might have to tell her if so, if she has children come to visit etc.

@chickenyhead OP never said it was consenting adults.

Category C images could encompass everything from commercially published images to family photographs. In cases involving these images, it is usually the intentions of the accused individual that are cross-examined, as images are not necessarily sexual in nature. Jul 23 2019
This is what I found. I think as she has grandchildren, the woman should know.

@AintNobodyHereButUsChickens

I was answering the PP