Paying to eat at friends house?

[Itswindytoday]

Is it weird to charge friends to come over to your house??

Basically, I have 4 good friends who I’ve known for years. I now live a couple of hours away, they all still live close together, and I visit maybe 3-4 times a year for a catch up. Normally we go out to eat or go to the pub. Last year I mentioned I was coming back one weekend and suggested going out for a meal. One friend said why didn’t we come to hers instead for a change - lovely. A couple of days beforehand she then made mention of us splitting the cost of food she was buying which I was quite taken aback by but which we did. Due to lockdown I last visited in February and we all went out for a meal then. I am due to visit again in a couple of weeks. A different friend suggested going to hers, and that we could split the cost again. Is it just me or is that really weird? I wouldn’t even consider offering to host and then charging people for food. My friends obviously do meet up regularly when I’m not here, often for dinner at each other’s houses, and I can’t imagine there’s money changing hands every time. Am I the factor? Is it because I don’t live there and can’t reciprocate? But then we are literally talking once or twice a year, it’s not like I come back every other weekend expecting to be hosted for free.... and obviously bringing alcohol goes without saying. I also offer to pick up any extra food they need which seems preferable to me to actually handing cash over.

Or is this a thing now? I Love hosting and it just wouldn’t even cross my mind to split the cost with people even if they weren’t able to host me in return. I do invite my friends to come and stay with me but it’s not a very interesting place and I think they can’t really be bothered, which is fine, I am happy travelling to them and it’s nice to see everyone together.

AIBU to think it’s a little weird to get people to split the cost of this or is it fair enough seeing as I’m not able to host them in return? (Not forgetting it wouldn’t even be once a year per friend and usually we go out anyway!)

Oh and while I don’t know the ins and outs of people’s financial situations obviously, to the best my knowledge we are all comfortable.

We used to do it when we were all young and single. My friend bought quite spacey flat so we tended to have meet up there. None of us really cooked, so we bought takeaways and drinks etc, and split the cost between people coming, excluding host.
I don't think it's weird at all.

When I meet up with a group of friends from uni we do a big shop and split the cost. That is for a weekend tho and there are 10 of us. I think it's a good solution. We all go to one of our houses.

I would die of embarrassment before asking guests to pay towards the cost of their meal if I were hosting. It is so impolite. If I were a guest and told I had to contribute, I wouldn't turn up.

Chezacheza

Most people would either NOT ASK for a monetary contribution for a get together.

I would decline if a host invited me. Is that OK for you or am I being too true to myself?

what we do for christmas is we do the birds (2x chicken) my parents prep and pay for all the veg and my inlaws provide desert (xmas pudd and cheese) it works out really well and isn't a big dent to anyone

Some friends and I have a pizza night once a month, we order Dominos and split the cost. Otherwise no.

InFiveMins

The vast majority are with you there!

I totally agree if you don’t have the money to host don’t offer. It’s very strange and I would find it totally off putting I would not be round for dinner again in a hurry!

Unless someone was struggling that’s understandable.

@WaltzfortheMars

We used to do it when we were all young and single. My friend bought quite spacey flat so we tended to have meet up there. None of us really cooked, so we bought takeaways and drinks etc, and split the cost between people coming, excluding host. I don't think it's weird at all.

Take aways when your younger is different. You wouldn’t expect your friends to pay for the ingredients of a cooked meal like spaghetti Bol or whatever unless your having caviar to eat.

I think now - when meeting in restaurants is riskier COVID-wise - allowing your house to be the venue is a nice thing to do, that shouldn't necessarily come with bearing the cost?

This.
It's going to their house instead of a restaurant as a get together. Not an event they are inviting you to.

How embarrassing. Normal grown ups do not behave like this. I would insist on eating out next time if I were you OP.

So weird. I've never invited anyone for dinner and asked for money. Recently we've had a bbq and our friends asked if they could chip in, but I could never accept any money from them! They always bring booze and nibbles or a sweet, and when they host it works the same in reverse. On occasion, we agree to each provide a course. We do split takeaways, but that's it. Problem is, I'm not sure how you'd actually ask them about it without it sounding like you're the tight one, instead of them? You may just have to suck it up?

Years ago, we were invited to a bbq.

Then we were asked to bring whatever food we wanted.

Then the bbq was lit and we had to cook said food on it.

I think now - when meeting in restaurants is riskier COVID-wise - allowing your house to be the venue is a nice thing to do, that shouldn't necessarily come with bearing the cost?

It's going to their house instead of a restaurant as a get together. Not an event they are inviting you to

Agree

@Itshissister

Years ago, we were invited to a bbq.

Then we were asked to bring whatever food we wanted.

Then the bbq was lit and we had to cook said food on it.

My dh dream BBQ

That's odd. But I see 92% of people agree with me

@Angelina82

How embarrassing. Normal grown ups do not behave like this. I would insist on eating out next time if I were you OP.

Why?

CFs they are!

Well if its a take away, then yes, all chip in. Have done this many times when I have been invited to someone's house. Also brining food. Like bring a dish. Money? No way.
It is very weird.
I mean, why don't they just host it and take turns instead of money changing hands? Odd.

Invite them to yours and say 'no charge' and you don't want money for it. See how they react.

If we're going for a take away we split the cost but if we're hosting we just host.

If it every other day then maybe but an occasional meeting that's ridiculous unless she's on universal credit or something. I have a friend I like to see who is on benefits and I order takeout for us as a treat.
I mean even if I was skint I'd make say macaroni cheese which is very cheap and ask everyone to bring a bottle. But charging is very tacky and greedy.

There are occasions where I would think it was ok, a bbq for example I think everyone pitching in some food items is quite normal.

For a dinner, as a guest I would offer to bring wine and dessert maybe, but wouldn't expect to split the cost. We gave money for a friend dinner one time but it was for charity.

Because @Lweji at least then each individual could chose what they wanted to eat, plus handing money to/receiving money from friends is like a transaction which IMO is just awkward.

Don't go- it will just encourage them!