DH's uncle wants to move into our new house with his wife and 2 kids,... We've not even got the keys yet!!

[UmmMaryam2019]

DHs uncle is a proprietor, currently renovating a large house in his home town. Husband and I found a lovely house also in the same town and with his uncle's help(financially too) we will soon be completing purchase. It's located 5 mins away from an exceptionally excellent independent primary school.

Yesterday DHs uncle requested to move into our soon to be new house if his house renovation is not completed in time for his 5yo son to start school in September.
His uncle had paid for his son to start this private school last year also. However their new house wasn't ready then either and the parents couldn't get their son awake and ready in time for the 35min journey from their current house to this school. His uncle's wife refuses to take her son to his current preschool which is 2 doors away from their current house. So his uncle does the school run during work hours.
DH works for his uncle in the town his uncle currently lives in. Last year they lost the money he paid for the school, it seems they are in the same situation again this year. However they want our new house before we have even got the keys and moved in.
DH parents also live by this school, and his uncle had lived there until he got married. He has in the recent past stayed there with his wife and kids too, for 2 weeks. I've asked DH why they don't stay there, he said they not welcome back.
They will expect hotel treatment, restaurant service, childcare for their 5yo son and 1yo daughter just like they did at my PIL. I have my own 1yo DD to look after. And to be honest when we went on holiday last November with them and extended family, they avoided our company by retreating to their room whenever we were around, so I'm completely baffled as to why they even suggested this.
DH feels he can't refuse his uncle given the excessive help we've received in actually buying this house(it was beyond our budget) But jointly neither of us want them living in our new house.
We're not sure how much longer his house will take to be ready, the electric and gas are not connected yet, they haven't fitted any furniture, they've made no attempt in packing/decluttering their current house.
We will be working endlessly to pay for this perfectly lovely house we're buying, DHs uncle family are notorious for being messy, we wont be able to afford repairing things they damage, we've only just managed to afford the house. And is it honestly prefect. I really don't want it ruined by his uncle's family.
Please help me find a way to say no without being rude and still showing him we appreciate all the help his uncle has given.

Pull out. Now. You are a couple of mugs if you don’t. You’re buying the house for your uncle to live in. House prices have risen again because of the 0 stamp duty. They will fall. We are in recession. We just don’t really realise it yet.

@BluebellsGreenbells

How can we undo things like remortgage a house? Is it even possible?

You need to have your name on the house deeds as an owner of the property. Have you been going to the solicitor meetings? Do you know if Uncle is part owner?
Then you need to reapply for a mortgage in joint names.

This may delay the sale by a few weeks, but so it now before signing happens.

My friends husband owns the house she lives in, he left her, she cannot claim any financial help as there’s no rental agreement, he won’t pay for repairs, he won’t pay the council tax and the bailiffs keep coming round, but she doesn’t have a stake in the house she can’t get a council house or housing benefit to move as she’s homed. it’s a nightmare she can’t get out of.

Make sure you have your name on the deeds so you have a say in what happens - don’t rely on the fact you are married.

As she is not paying rent/mortgage is she able to save anything?

I am guessing that the “exceptionally excellent” primary school is exceptionally excellent at academics, not SEN.
In which case, I expect that they refused the child in nappies.
In my experience, exceptionally excellent independent school have no interest in literally getting their hands dirty.
I don’t think you know the truth.

Having read your updates you really need to disentangle yourself as soon as possible.

1. Get hold of all the documents relating to this proposed purchase - you don't know anything like enough about the situation

1. Take that paperwork plus the repayment proposals to an independent solicitor/financial advisor and find out where it leaves you (as an individual as well as DW)

1. Find a way to pull out of the purchase

1. Begin looking for a job to give yourself a little financial independence

1. Talk to DH about finding employment away from uncle

1. Keep away from financial 'help' from DHs family

As a bare minimum you need to distance yourselves from uncle financially.

@UmmMaryam2019 I think you will have difficulty getting your uncle out if you let them in. He will start getting comfortable and say it is 'his house's.

@Mix56

if you get your name on the deeds it will delay the sale, it may mean that uncle has to find another interim solution. Win Win

Perfect!

Currently my zero income was too low to get a mortgage lol. So when I'm back at work plan is husband gifts me half the house, I get a mortgage and pay uncle back. Our house again. But I'll ask for my name on house deed and mortgage too, delay progress further.

He is not malicious. He may have grand ideas of a big happy family living near by. Nearby is doable least you get your own space. In one house - not so easy.

Uncles house being renovated is a mini mansion in the middle of an acre of land with a steam running through it. His not planning on taking over our house, it's not grand enough for him. He wants his son to get a good education, I can help do the school run I'll let son stay over but alone (it will be so embarrassing to explain to the school he still in nappies!). His wife is difficult. I would like to help him. But I've no plans on servicing his wife like a maid.

I've been in a similar position regarding a rich uncle. He inherited a lot of money and has never worked a day in his life, family around him do whatever he wants and he buys them houses etc.

However, there are always strings and to me it's just not worth it. I've never accepted a penny from him, he's tried to control my life but he can't because I won't accept the money. He's now 'cut me off' from the family.

Your DH's uncle basically owns him, you've got to decide whether you and your DH want to put up with it. You'll keep the lifestyle, his job with good money etc but it comes with strings. Or, your DH finds a new job, probably with less money. You buy a smaller house and there may be bad feeling from the uncle.

It sounds like your DH is happy to put up and shut up. Are you going to be okay with that for the rest of your life? You and your DH need a serious talk.

Currently my zero income was too low to get a mortgage lol

I’ve been a SAHP and was on the deed and mortgage twice. The banks prefer two people as they can site both of you if you default.

This sounds more like a personal loan than a mortgage arrangement though

You are on a sticky wicket if you think your DH will gift you half the house. He’ll come up with excuses. He could do it now.

I also think Uncles wife is the least of your problems.

You don’t need to be earning a bean to get your name on the deeds / mortgage. You would be considered a dependent.

Who is the legal owner of the house you live in now?

How does husband gift you half of the house?

UmmMaryam2019 Your dh and you are putting yourselves and your child(ren) into a dreadful and precarious set up and the only people who will lose is you and yours, everything favours the uncle and he knows it and will use it to his advantage. Is a 5 bedroom house really worth that?

To be brutally honest, you as a family are not in the position at this stage in your lives to have, let alone need, a five bedroom house, that's something you can work towards in time. Have you factored in the running costs of this dream home?

Stop the process NOW, you haven't exchanged so although you will lose some money it will be minimal compared to the costs you are going to have to bear both financially and emotionally if you continue down this road to disaster. If you go through with this you may well be ensconced in a fabulous house but you will have NO security the uncle and his whims will be like the Sword of Damocles over your head. Never, ever put yourself in a position where you are so beholden to someone else, particularly one such as this uncle.

Find a house that you and your husband can comfortably afford that is yours and yours alone without anyone else having their sticky fingers on it and live within your means.

There's an awful lot of telling you what you nerd to do and to put up with, in this arrangement.

No one is caring about the offense caused to you and there is an awful lot at stake if relationships do turn sour.

My recommendation would be to pull out and find new, more realistic, house and jobs at least 100 miles away.

you cant stop the sale your name is not on the paperwork your husband and uncle would have to agree to put your name on the deeds or you would ave to go to a solictor to force them to

id say this to your husbandhat this is the only way this will go ahead

@PickAChew

There's an awful lot of telling you what you nerd to do and to put up with, in this arrangement.

No one is caring about the offense caused to you and there is an awful lot at stake if relationships do turn sour.

My recommendation would be to pull out and find new, more realistic, house and jobs at least 100 miles away.

The 100 mile away plan is spot on....

You've been done up like a kipper.... stitched up good style

it feels like one of those scams where someone offers to deposit a huge amount of money in your bank account in return for some weird favour

If your husband has a good wage you should have been able to buy a house without help from uncle? Use the wages he has earned and not handouts. How old are you both - if your under 25 I could understand this better but if you’re in your 40s then i don’t think you should be getting financial help if your family income is adequate. Just because he offered doesn’t mean you need to accept

@BluebellsGreenbells
**He has plenty of houses of his own he can move into nearer the school.
Or other relatives.

**Ours is the closest.

OP mentions he had other property options near the school.

TBH ...

Yes you have agreed to all this..Gift you half of the house? if you are married it legally is already half yours?

It sounds like this uncle has put himself well out for you and your family...

hefalooomia I agree. I feel on alert just reading about this financial ‘plan’, with my finger hovering over ‘delete’ and slightly worried I even opened the thread up in the first place.
I thank god i am self employed, financially beholden to no one and don’t even own property jointly with anyone else.
Good luck op. There’s been a lot of good advice on this thread. I hope you are able to follow some, if not all, of it.

Whose name is on the paperwork? Do you really need an expensive 5 bed house? I wouldn’t want to take someone else’s money and forever be in their debt. Having to do favours for them because they helped out financially. Why don’t you find a job and then you and DP can find a house within your budget? You’ll have a less expensive and smaller house, but at least you have control.

Like some others , I suspect once uncle is in he's not moving out again.. You've both put yourselves in this position by wanting too grand a house and taking handouts without questioning the motivation.

Your best bet is to get back to work asap. My guess is that aunt will be keen to stay while you do the childcare and cooking, but less so if she's doing it herself.

You have accepted his help to buy your house , and his company supports your family by DH working there, now he needs your help and you don't want to do it.... Seems very one sided to me.

It's up to you how you let Then treat you when/if they do move in. Maybe he thinks of you as close family and that's why he has asked for your help.