DH's uncle wants to move into our new house with his wife and 2 kids,... We've not even got the keys yet!!

[UmmMaryam2019]

DHs uncle is a proprietor, currently renovating a large house in his home town. Husband and I found a lovely house also in the same town and with his uncle's help(financially too) we will soon be completing purchase. It's located 5 mins away from an exceptionally excellent independent primary school.

Yesterday DHs uncle requested to move into our soon to be new house if his house renovation is not completed in time for his 5yo son to start school in September.
His uncle had paid for his son to start this private school last year also. However their new house wasn't ready then either and the parents couldn't get their son awake and ready in time for the 35min journey from their current house to this school. His uncle's wife refuses to take her son to his current preschool which is 2 doors away from their current house. So his uncle does the school run during work hours.
DH works for his uncle in the town his uncle currently lives in. Last year they lost the money he paid for the school, it seems they are in the same situation again this year. However they want our new house before we have even got the keys and moved in.
DH parents also live by this school, and his uncle had lived there until he got married. He has in the recent past stayed there with his wife and kids too, for 2 weeks. I've asked DH why they don't stay there, he said they not welcome back.
They will expect hotel treatment, restaurant service, childcare for their 5yo son and 1yo daughter just like they did at my PIL. I have my own 1yo DD to look after. And to be honest when we went on holiday last November with them and extended family, they avoided our company by retreating to their room whenever we were around, so I'm completely baffled as to why they even suggested this.
DH feels he can't refuse his uncle given the excessive help we've received in actually buying this house(it was beyond our budget) But jointly neither of us want them living in our new house.
We're not sure how much longer his house will take to be ready, the electric and gas are not connected yet, they haven't fitted any furniture, they've made no attempt in packing/decluttering their current house.
We will be working endlessly to pay for this perfectly lovely house we're buying, DHs uncle family are notorious for being messy, we wont be able to afford repairing things they damage, we've only just managed to afford the house. And is it honestly prefect. I really don't want it ruined by his uncle's family.
Please help me find a way to say no without being rude and still showing him we appreciate all the help his uncle has given.

You write like English isn't your first language and I think you are being taken for a ride by your husband and his family. You need urgent independent legal advice by yourself.

The whole thing sounds like a dodgy scam and you need to be careful you're not drawn in on it. The penalities, I would imagine, could be severe. Your husband gifting the house back to you and you getting a mortgage on your half sounds dodgy as fuck.

Please get legal advice by yourself. I have a friend who is Muslim, not saying you are, go through almost exactly the same thing with dodgy uncles, brothers and husband.

Have you been at any of the meetings with the solicitor? If not, give them a call and ask about what it would take to be added to the deeds. Then you'll know if they're bullshitting you. I'd also take the opportunity to double-check your uncle isn't going to be a co-owner or on the deeds.

I'm also curious to know where you're living now? Are you renting, or do you own your current place? (In your husband's name or both your names?) Will it be sold for the move? Are you in a position to tell your DH that he can move, but you and DD will be staying put?

How clear have you been about not wanting to move? In your first post you say that it's a "a lovely house" and "is honestly perfect". Then in a later post you say you've been against the move for weeks and months. I wonder if your DH knows that you actually don't want to buy it?

Getting your name on the deeds has nothing to do with the mortgage, by the way. I strongly suspect that the reason you're not on the deeds is that it's been doing as tenants in common between your DH and uncle.

You're putting yourself in an extremely vulnerable position where you will become a servant to this uncle. Why does he say you have to go back to work and not his wife? Why would you do his childcare for him?

It's one of the most worrying threads I've seen for a while.

I'll admit I have not read through all 10 pages, so hope this is still relevant. If all the financial paperwork is complete, and the deal for the house is done and dusted, just say a loud NO. You do not need to give reasons, they are being VU in asking you to do this with your lovely new home, especially as they are messy. What an awful start for you in your new home. Just say No. Good luck Op. Enjoy your new home.

How can your husband buy a house without your permission? Why in the world would you agree to work to finance anything without your name being on the deed of the house? You need to get some good financial advice, fast. Your priorities are all screwed up, frankly.

"Please help me find a way to say no without being rude and still showing him we appreciate all the help his uncle has given".

OP already knows what she wants to do but doesn't know how to go about telling Uncle. Just tell it as it is. "We really appreciate all the help you have offered but having thought about it over the weeks, we have DECIDED that we want to be independent and control our own finances. FULL STOP. He and family members will have their say I'm sure and you let their comments go in one ear and out the other. You literally just repeat the same sentence over and over again.

I think Hyacinth Buckets is right. This plan your uncle AND HUSBAND have is a plan that relies on you to work.
As they say here on Mumsnet, you don't have an uncle problem, YOU HAVE A HUSBAND PROBLEM.
You need to find out what is going on with this shady deal.

1. Whose name is on the deeds.
2. How does this whole Ponzi scheme work.

And then, if you don't want this to happenand it sounds like a very shitty deal

1. Say no to uncle.
2. Say you will NOT get a job to pay him back in two years
3. Say you would never agree to moving into house unless your name was on the deed, etc.

Do what you have to do. Fight it by yelling, fight it by leaving, fight it by passive resistance, but fight it now.

@NewHouseNewMe

Getting your name on the deeds has nothing to do with the mortgage, by the way. I strongly suspect that the reason you're not on the deeds is that it's been doing as tenants in common between your DH and uncle.

You're putting yourself in an extremely vulnerable position where you will become a servant to this uncle. Why does he say you have to go back to work and not his wife? Why would you do his childcare for him?

It's one of the most worrying threads I've seen for a while.

All this, OP. I think your uncle is out to screw you over and either your husband is one of the most gullible people on earth, or he’s going along with it. That begs the question, why is your husband going along with this? Is it a way to protect his assets, in case of divorce. You need to get ALL the paperwork and get a solicitor to check it over. You could end up paying the mortgage and loan on a house that you have no say in, in case of a divorce.

Why buy a house you can’t afford?? Pull out and buy another house that you and DH scan afford without having to rely on his uncle

"Why does he say you have to go back to work and not his wife?"

Because his wife doesn't owe him money but Op & her husband do?

I agree with @Azerothi. You sound as though your first language is not English and I really fear that your husband and his family are coercing you into all of this.
You really need help and quickly.
I am actually very afraid for you. Please reach out to other members of your community (and also professionals like lawyers or bank managers/ mortgage advisors if you can).

When someone pays for almost everything for someone else, they often then feel a god-given right to you/what you can offer them in return/the things they have paid for.

If uncle has loads of houses but likes this one for whatever reason, he could sell one of his other properties instead and buy it outright. I don't think you've said id you are currently renting or own, but ifyou own I presume you can pull out of the sale of your current home. I would.

@UmmMaryam2019 so you are saying that when you return to work, your husband will “sell” you half the house (that is legally owned by your husband but morally by his uncle)? The mortgage money will go to your husband, who will pay back his uncle.

You and your husband will then have two mortgages, one each, on Dream Home?

Your husband’s lender will have leant on the strength of the equity (at least 50% by the sounds of it) in the house. It’s part of their security. He can’t just give it away.

Why do you think a lender will lend you 50% of the value of a home that is 50% owned by someone else? That puts the lender in an insecure position. Both lenders will probably want to have “first charge” on the property - so preferential creditor status.

I’m going to take a wild guess based on your user name, and ask if there are Sharia mortgages involved here? In which case, I have no idea what your options are there.

But on standard mortgages... good luck getting a lender who’ll accept second charge on a property, when you have no equity, and everything about the transaction screams dodgy as fuck!!!!

I love your confidence that in 2 years time you can just get that mortgage too, by the way. You don’t even work currently, and we’re heading into global recession. You may have recession proof highly desirable well paid skills... but if not, I wouldn’t be feeling comfortable in your shoes!

But absolutely demand to see the paperwork and take it to a solicitor who can explain it all to you. I'm not sure your husband fully understand s the legal and financial details either, and he most definitely needs to.

You owe this uncle the royal treatment and need to suck up the cost of damages. Otherwise you and your husband are ungrateful takers. It's your turn to give back and I wouldn't be surprised if you end up doing the school run and lunches.

In your shoes I would expect the situation to continue until the boy leaves this school. For your sake I hope the school ends at age 7 or 8 rather than age 18.

If you don't want stuff like this to happen in future you need to buy a home without the uncle's money and get a job elsewhere. Uncle clearly sees your new home as his and will treat it as such until he's paid back in full.

The husband had talked his uncle out of selling his business (presumably lucratively) so he can keep his job there- your husband really does owe your uncle! But he should look for another job and you should plan to live on whatever he earns there. Not keep enmeshing this ridiculous situation.

I agree you picking their dc up and taking them is to school is the best Possible result here, the whole set up sucks. That is of course if the school will have them.

Insist that you do not want the house and that you will not be moving in or living there. Just keep on saying it. I know what it's like to be persuaded/railroaded into living in a house you don't want - I'm stuck here now. Don't do it.

Make your dh believe that you mean it. YOU DON'T WANT THAT HOUSE AND YOU WILL NOT BE LIVING IN IT. Make it the hill you will die on.

You do not want to be subject to his uncle's plans. You may want more children and you may not but you need the flexibility to decide for yourself

Do not fall into this pit.

I strongly suspect that the reason you're not on the deeds is that it's been doing as tenants in common between your DH and uncle.

^^ This. In England you can get a mortgage even if you are a SAHM with zero income. The mortgage company will process a joint application with you earning zero and your h earning his income.

I’m guessing you’re originally Indian or ME culture where families help each other out much more and are also more enmeshed.

It wasn’t wise of DH to persuade uncle not to sell the company, or to accept his financial help in buying a house. Why not buy your own more modest place? Given that you have, you can’t really afford to offend uncle.

I don’t know what I would do re the bizarre ask to move in. Probably ditch the house, risk offending uncle, and if he sacks DH he would be better off working independently of his family anyway.

Your post is hard to understand

I gave up reading half way through

I do actually think that if you go ahead with this crazy house idea, you actually should let them move in.

He’s paying for at least half the house (based on you saying your husband will gift you half later for you to get a mortgage on). Your husband can only afford the other half because his uncle overpays him.

You owe him 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s unfort a down side of accepting help and finances from others - you become to feel obliged. I would recommend trying to pay him back as soon as possible.

You are being sucked into a really weird family dynamic. Put your foot down now. You don't want to borrow ANY money in any way shape or form from uncle. You do not want this house. You will stay where you are until you find something you can afford. If your H feels that puts his job at risk he needs to look for another job. You cannot live your life under the thumb of this strange sounding family, you're not The Sopranos. If your H is happy living in hock to his uncle he may not be the man you want to be relying on.

@JaJaDingDong

Your post is hard to understand

I gave up reading half way through

What’s worse, is that I think one reason why it’s hard to understand is because the OP herself doesn’t know exactly how this is all being done. Which is not a situation I’d let myself be in.