Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel so upset about DS failing most gcse's?? wise and kind words badly needed..

131 replies

AuntieMeemz · 21/08/2020 08:09

It seems the whole world is celebrating fantastic GCSE results whilst we are writhing in pain. I know there are people with far sadder and much,much worse situations than ours, but I'm sturggling to cope with this!
DS worked really hard,he tried SOOOOO hard putting in lots of extra time after school and with a tutor yet has done far worse than all his friends. He has mild autism and his friend who has it more severe, got 10 passes. I will never,ever forget the pain of seeing his face when he opened his envelope. All his freinds were whooping with joy and he just stood there staring at the floor.
He has got a place to do something at college, but his much,much dreamed of college place, and his second choice, rejected him. He is partly over it but I had a totally sleepless night again. I just feel sick/angry/jealous/sad-though i have kept most of this from him. h DH and I really emphasised recognition for all his hard work and effort.
His predictions/reports have never been good but he had made huge steps and planned to put his everything iinto his final push for exams. We will appeal (but haven't really got a leg to stand on) and he will resit but i'm not optimistic for the future.
Have already talked to his chosen colleges, who won't change their minds, but one does have a 'special consideraton form', but as mentioned, he doesn't really have a leg to stand on.
All is not lost I know, but please someone help me dig myself out of this heartbreak!
I'm feeling like bursting into tears when meeting his friends mums, (who are mostly my friends too) who tell me how fantastically their sons have done, and ask how DS did.

OP posts:
soccerbabe · 21/08/2020 08:15

poor lad, sorry to hear that despite his hard work he's disappointed with this results. Not much consolation to you at the moment, but the fact he's so hard working and resilient will stand him in good stead in the future, and I hope that he enjoys his next course/college experience.

blubberball · 21/08/2020 08:18

I think that you need to be really proud of him for putting in the effort and working so hard. It's not the end of the world, and there will be other options open to him. What does he want to do?

Hercwasonaroll · 21/08/2020 08:21

Oh bless him and you OP.

It was so hard as a teacher to knowingly write down low grades for hardworking students. I can't imagine his disappointment. It somehow feels worse because it wasn't his exam that decided them.

He sounds very determined and keen to succeed. Focus on the things he does do well.

Choose how to handle other parents. I'd say something like "his results don't matter, his hard work and effort do". Kind of bend round the question.

LittleGungHo · 21/08/2020 08:23

Does he have a college place?
If yes then his GCSEs have passed and you all must focus your efforts on his new course.
If no then the efforts must be placed on finding him the right environment to study.
Not everyone is built for the round hole that is the education system, you just need to continue to be his champion and help him with his next steps.
He is 16 please don't let him think that this writes him off for the next 60 years. I was told that if you did not pass your GCSEs you could not work in a shop no one would hire you. He may have the same fear.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 21/08/2020 08:24

It might not feel like it, but you are absolutely not alone. Is there any possibility that he can move on to his chosen course next year after completing a different course and his re-sits this year?

Arrivederla · 21/08/2020 08:25

This is so hard - I really feel for you and your lovely ds. I had a similar situation with my ds's A levels and it seemed like the end of the world at first but he was able to get on a different course and make his way anyway.

In a short time the results will no longer be the main topic of conversation and everything will seem easier. Keep encouraging him to keep going; if he is a conscientious hard worker he has the tools to do well. Flowers

VeniceQueen2004 · 21/08/2020 08:27

I'm so sorry you and your son have been disappointed. It must be very difficult Sad

If you haven't got any grounds I wouldn't appeal - just putting yourself through the same horrible experience again quite possibly.

Try to focus on what your son can do, not what he hasn't managed to do. See if you can find him role models in his chosen field who didn't have qualifications but worked their way up with hard work or ingenuity. Build him up at this difficult time, don't let him feel like doors have closed for him. He's only young. There's still do much he can do.

And when you speak to friends focus on the positive. Don't get into his grades, just say "yes, Johnny got his place in X college, isn't that great?" and then be enthusiastic about their kid's achievements. Don't be drawn into a discussion about your disappointment unless it's with a really close loving friend who will understand - you don't need any pity or well-meaning "sympathy" as will just make you feel worse.

But also don't feel bad about feeling bad - as parents it's horrible to watch our kids struggle and go unrewarded. If you felt he hadn't done his best it would be easier in some ways. But he will have his areas where he excels and his method of working which suits him. See if it's the exam component he's lost out on or the coursework and try to take a cue from that on how to channel him for future success.

Good luck to your son with his future, he still has everything to play for x

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 21/08/2020 08:29

My niece has a similar story. Due to health issues she had a restricted timetable set by the school and only did English, maths, science and BTEC child dev. She only got a three in maths so will be retaking it. Hopefully when she gets her BTEC it should be good because she had already done the exam.

It's tough but we were surprised how ok she was with it once the initial shock had passed. She is still going to college with her friends and is determined to pass her maths at a higher level. She has a definite plan which is amazing at that age. Talk it through with your son and once he feels he has a plan he may feel better about it all. Also arrange a meeting with the college. Even if nothing changes about his course they will be prepared to support him when he is there.

Phineyj · 21/08/2020 08:29

It's disappointing but if he's got English and Maths passes (or can get them by retaking next year), he can progress. Look to the future. I suggest you make a list of all the great things about your son/happy memories etc and bring those to mind when you have a wobble. He will pick up on how you feel, even if you think you're concealing it, so try to get a handle on it if you can.

iamjustlurking · 21/08/2020 08:29

We are in similar circumstances in that my son has had alot of personal circumstances that have affected him and his mask is his humour, he never really engaged he is far more academic than he let's himself believe.
He also masks his lack if confidence and self belief amd comes over as the popular rugby playing lad.
He failed his mocs epic style which really knocked him up a gear we all saw huge improvement then of course this hit so his results are disappointing. All his group literally all are off to another college he luckily has a place at 6th form for a 2nd chance.
He knows its down to him hes in this position and I'm so proud of him but it does hurt

IheartJKR · 21/08/2020 08:30

I’m so sorry for you and your ds Flowers

Honestly, we are all so wrapped up in this at the moment so I understand totally why you feel so strongly.
As others have said your ds is not alone, he is one of many who are disappointed. But really op, it’s not the end of the world, although it may feel like it right now. Your ds may need to go a different route but he can still fulfill his potential BrewCake

grafittiartist · 21/08/2020 08:31

Mixed bag here- son was a bit upset.
Hopefully, as soon as September starts at college they will forget about it and move on.

Bloodylush · 21/08/2020 08:31

What grades did he get?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/08/2020 08:34

Allow yourself some time to process this then decide on a strategic plan of action.

Can he reapply for the colleges he likes for next year?
What are the minimum requirements he needs?
Focus on those minimum requirements because once you get additional qualifications people will rarely care if you have 5 GCSEs or 10. English and Maths is a must.
As you move into further and higher education age becomes less of an issue so it won’t matter if he has had an extra year of sorting things out.
He may benefit from an extra year to mature.

Be proud of his hard work.

I didn’t get the A level grades I needed because my DM died whilst I was in 6th Form. I went to the local FE college studied more A levels and got the grades I needed. It was a real kick in the teeth initially but picking myself up (with my DF’s support) and sorting it out gave me reserves of resilience that have been incredibly valuable throughout my life.

TurnipLegsSwedeFeet · 21/08/2020 08:37

Is there a way that he can do the course he’s been accepted onto now, and do his dreamed of course next year? Or does his dream course have a foundation equivalent?

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 08:38

I’m so sorry x allow him to be sad but focus on what he can do now.

Does he want to resit? Can he find a different route to get where he wants to go?

Livelovebehappy · 21/08/2020 08:40

It’s heartbreaking OP. I’ve been there. But he will pick himself up with your encouragement - maybe think of a different path? Lots of people who haven’t done brilliantly academically in life go on to do well. It just means you sometimes have to shift your career choice a little. Is he creative? What are his strengths?

Bridecilla · 21/08/2020 08:41

What grades did he get? 3s that were borderline are definitely worth appealing

Coffeeandbeans · 21/08/2020 08:41

Can he go to college and resit the GCSEs or equivalent. It wasn’t his choice that he didn’t sit the exams and take ownership of the results. Therefore I would Park this years set of results and let him have another go. It isn’t a race.

TheLetterZ · 21/08/2020 08:43

Be proud of him and his work ethic and attitude. Remember the cliche ‘comparison is the thief of joy’, it really is true. But your emotional response is not surprising, it has been so uncertain.

Concentrate on where he has done well, either if that is not well according to some other standard, was he working towards a 2 but achieved a 3.

Look to the future now, he has a course to go on, I hope he is happy with it. Does he need to re-sit maths and English? Think about when the right time is, don’t rush for November if June would be better.

Don’t waste mental energy in trying to appeal, you can only do so if you think there was a administrative error or malpractice. Better to be forward facing.

Good luck with everything, try to stay positive in front of you awesome son and have a moan on here to relieve tension.

FortunesFave · 21/08/2020 08:45

I got terrible GCSE results and poor A Levels too. I went on to attend one of Europe's most prestigious drama schools. Did well. Still doing well.

Don't worry OP...it's an anxious time for so many reasons and you might be pouring ALL of your anxiety into this one blip.

lalelalelalahh · 21/08/2020 08:46

DS was in the same situation. He now looks back and says instead of the motorway, he took the coast road. Took a while longer to get where he wanted to be but the journey was much more scenic and worthwhile.

areyoubeingserviced · 21/08/2020 08:46

Agree that you should focus on what he should do.
The hurt will be there for a little while particularly as exam results seem to be in the headlines at the moment. We really don’t know where our lives will take us. There are those with strings of GCSES and A levels who do not succeed in life . Your dh will be fine because he is a fighter.
Try to stay off social media for a few days and just focus on building your son up.
If you show your hurt and disappointment it will only make him feel disheartened .

areyoubeingserviced · 21/08/2020 08:48

Ds

Rhine · 21/08/2020 08:48

I failed all my GCSE’s. My own fault entirely as I didn’t put any work in to them and with hindsight was suffering from mental health issues. Worked for a few years then went back to college, then on to Uni and got a degree. Seriously, it’s not even close to the end of the world. He’s 16 and still a baby. Don’t let him know you are upset because without meaning to sound rude, it’s not about you.