I'm angry. Why? And AIBU?

[Livingtothefull]

Some of the reasons why I am angry:

Several family members voted Tory at the last election. Why would they do that given that my severely disabled DS has had progressively reduced support over the last years. Why would they vote for the government that has presided over all of that? When they profess to love DS and me? It makes me feel that DS is just an afterthought in the family when I want him to be at the centre, protected and prioritised...aibu to think that?

I am really conscious that lockdown has been terribly hard on everyone, in many different ways. But after lockdown the support provided to DS (as for many vulnerable people) reduced to next to nothing. We never heard from social services at all although his college did the best they could. I found myself working from home as well as caring for DS....I can't even describe how hard it has been on all of us. Now lockdown has eased at least we can get a carer which is helping a lot.

And I am angry with myself too and I am stuck because of it. There are so many things I want to do....I want to write, communicate, look after myself properly, contribute something. But I am not doing any of it; something is blocking me and the something is the stress and anger in me.

Is it normal to feel like this, to feel just livid with myself? Has anyone reading this gone through the same & how did you get over it?

Lockdown has been hard on a lot of people and your situation sounds difficult.
But YABU to blame family voting Tory. For a lot of people Corbyn made labour vote unthinkable as the man was toxic.

So you are cross about living in a democratic society where people will have different opinions on how the country should be run? People vote according to their own situations and experiences. They didn't vote Tory to spite your son.

But I am not doing any of it; something is blocking me and the something is the stress and anger in me

That sounds like an impasse. Part of you is feeling angry and judgemental and righteous, part of you fears rejection from your family if you rock the boat?

Yep, YABU.

@Needbettername

Lockdown has been hard on a lot of people and your situation sounds difficult. But YABU to blame family voting Tory. For a lot of people Corbyn made labour vote unthinkable as the man was toxic.

Totally agree.

Even if Labour had won, your situation would not dramatically improve.

Absolutely get your frustration OP. My Mum brags that she ‘doesn’t do politics’ but always votes Tory and then complains bitterly when she, and my dad (sadly in a home), get reduced support. It’s like they won’t make the link and get annoyed when anyone else does!! Just keep on doing what you can - sorry it’s so hard.

#needbettername - your post gave me my first laugh of the day! If JC was ‘toxic’ how do you sum up the current incumbent?

There were alternatives to Corbyn if people didn't want to vote for him. But I just can't fathom why anyone would want to vote Tory knowing how they have presided over much harder times for vulnerable people in the community over the past years.

I know that lockdown has been hard on pretty much everyone, some more than others. I have had a very tough time and am feeling drained now, but I know there are others worse off than us.

'If JC was ‘toxic’ how do you sum up the current incumbent?'

Exactly so. TBH I am truly ashamed of my country's leadership at the moment.

These recent months have been unprecedented for governments worldwide and difficult decisions have been made quickly and reacting to the spread of an pandemic. Obviously some decisions could have been made better and sooner, lockdown has created difficulties for everyone especially people similar to your situation. YABU to blame a few of your relatives for the situation you find yourself in, realistically a few votes cast by them would not have changed the large majority vote the Tory party got. You should perhaps look at the poor handling of the anti-semitism, the Labour leader, thought of by most of his party as incompetent as the main reason your party of choice were not successful. To many life long supporters Labour lead by JC were something even they could not stomach.
I hope your situation improves as support services restart.

There were no electable alternatived to either JC or the Tories. The LD leader is v young and inexperienced, none of the other parties have the base or numbers. I voted Labour for years under TB and his immediate successors but was left with little choice this time round. You are BU to make this so personal. They didn't vote to spite your son or because they don't care but presumably on wider convictions about the economy, defence, Brexit etc

I have huge sympathy for you OP your situation must have been very tough and I can understand how abandoned you must feel by this government. I can relate to that for different reasons.

But you have to keep in mind that a democracy only functions if people feel able to vote in accordance with their beliefs and that includes Tories.

I loathe this government and have become more disappointed with them with every passing month. But I also had severe reservations about Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party (even though I eventually held my nose and voted for them).

But honestly at the end of the day you have to allow people to vote with their own consciences and accept that they have good reasons to do so.

We live in a democracy, just because the party you voted for didn’t get in is not the problem of your family who did vote for them. You are being unreasonable to be unable to accept everyone has a right to vote how they wish, and being bitter about it is your issue

Lockdown has been hard on everyone in different ways, and look at what’s happened across the world, even if the Tory’s where not in power there would still have been lockdown , so you are being unreasonable

If there is stuff you want to do then do it, and don’t use your anger as an excuse, as it’s you that has allowed your anger to take over. There are plenty of self help books and stuff out there that can help you

Maybe look inwards for why you are not achieving your goals,blaming everyone else you can think of will not resolve your issues.

But I just can't fathom why anyone would want to vote Tory knowing how they have presided over much harder times for vulnerable people in the community over the past years. They felt that the Tories were better at handling the economy and that having a country which wasn't bankrupt would be better able to look after your son than one which wished to do more but didn't have the money to do anything. They may be mistaken but their intent wasn't necessarily bad.

Thank you all for your posts. I think a lot of you have misunderstood me and I think that is my fault for not communicating my position clearer.

I fully accept that we live in a democracy and that everyone is entitled to vote however they choose. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. People have their own reasons for voting the way they do and although I can strongly disagree with them, I respect their decisions.

I would like to believe that most people act in good faith when they vote. But when family members say to me (in explaining their decision) things like 'I voted Tory because I am a homeowner and the Tories act in the interests of homeowners' I just don't understand that I am sorry. They are saying (or it sounds as if they are saying) that their interests as a homeowner take priority over those of my DS and vulnerable people like him. They know how his entitlements have reduced over the years but still vote the way they do.

Is it just me who tries to vote in the interest of the whole of society (which benefits all of us in the end) rather than in their own narrow interest?

I never ask anyone how they voted btw, this is all unsolicited. I also think that the FPTP system we are stuck with is a problem as it forces people to choose between the lesser of evils - but that is a bigger debate.

Chloemol/KarmaStar - you are entirely right that I should not allow my anger to take over or use it as an excuse for not accomplishing things. I am not blaming other people as I know that, whether or not others are to blame it is my responsibility to overcome the situation I am in and reach for a better life.

So I do want to take ownership of this - my question is, how? Has anyone felt like this and what strategies/books etc were helpful in finding a way through?

@Livingtothefull you don't accept it or you wouldn't have stayed this thread.

People in general vote for what they feel is best for their personal circumstances. Yes it would be good if there were more services etc etc but with fewer people working and less money to spend how do we pay for this?

There are lots of things I would like public money to be spent on but I realise that that won't be the case

Is it just me who tries to vote in the interest of the whole of society (which benefits all of us in the end) rather than in their own narrow interest?

Unfortunately OP I think you (and I) are in a minority. I would vote for policies that would disadvantage me if I thought they were best for society as a whole. I believe in a fairer distribution of wealth and have no interest in voting to protect my personal assets. I want to see a fairer society.

I totally get why you would be so angry. How can people close to you, having seen the way austerity was forced on the poorest and most vulnerable in society, and seeing the consequential impact it has has on your son, still go out and vote for a party hell-bent on making it worse.

I remember when people wouldn’t admit to voting Tory, because it identified them as being selfish and only self-interested. It was a badge of shame, and it still should be.

There was an image circulating before the last election. Something like "think of the most vulnerable person you know and vote to make their life better" that's what I did in the end.

Even though, and I hate it, on a single issue the Conservative party are the best match for me.

Many people vote based on single issue thinking. I haven't. Yet. That day may come.

People vote how they want, you can’t be angry because someone has different political leanings, that’s not fair. You need to vote for the party that suits you and respect other people’s right to vote as they see right

Just as people have reasons not to vote for a party, so people have reasons to vote for a party.

Let’s be honest, a lot of people voted labour just because they didn’t want the Tory’s to get the vote, not because they thought labour would do any better, and of the labour voters a lot of them voted Tory because they had no faith in Jeremy Corbyn.

You can’t believe in democracy on the one hand and then expect people to vote a certain way with the other.

As for lockdown, I don’t believe that there was a right way to handle it, and I certainly don’t think that Jeremy Corbyn, with his conspiracy theorist COVID denier brother would have done any better, in fact I would like to bet he wouldn’t have introduced a lockdown at all.

But even across the globe no-one has found the perfect formula because the situation has been unprecedented. Even countries like New Zealand who have been praised for their handling of the pandemic have seriously screwed over their economy in doing so, and now COVID is back there and increasing.

The fallout from this will only be known in years and years from now.

Yes austerity has been forced on the most vulnerable and it is getting worse. People are dying because of austerity. I know that there is a limited amount of public money but what to spend those funds on is a choice. Don't tell me the money isn't there...we are among the richest countries in the world.

It is entirely a choice to target the vulnerable for cuts as they are an easy target and can't fight back or protest.

Our circumstances are OK at the moment btw so I am not even talking about me. I would vote in a heartbeat for a party that prioritised looking after the weakest in society even if it left me personally worse off. I think that is what any civilised person should do.

As even some members of my family don't get it it comes as no surprise that many other people don't. It is your prerogative to vote how you choose but either you want a civilised society or you don't. I am the one who is left terrified for my DS future and whether his country will care for him when I can't do it any more.

Yes I am also angry that people have voted for people and things which will make our lives much much harder, and for a party who clearly do not prioritise helping the most vulnerable. The voters either dont care about these people either, or they don't believe that they are voting in a way which will damage things. Either reason is enough to make me angry.

Life is a real bitch sometimes and other people often make it worse with their actions. It is rational to be angry about that.

Sorry OP YABU. People can vote however they like for any reason they like, that's the whole point of the system.

I personally believe that both Labour, Libdems and the Tories need to do better in terms of manifesto commitments, competent and respectable leadership and engagement with the voters. You can be an "old school" tory who believes in a meritocratic society but that we should also help the less fortunate, and is appalled by the lies, blatant narcissism and incompetence shown by the current government/PM. Most tory votes (I am not one) would say that the situation you are enduring is unconscionable and the state can and should do better.

JC on the other hand, where do I start? Personally I could not vote for him either, because of his blatant protection of anti-semites. That is an absolute red line for many people, to say nothing of his piss poor approach to Brexit that was widely derided by people on both sides, and his insistence of promoting his mates who agree with every word over people who might challenge him from within. I respect my JC-fangirl mates' right to overlook that in the light of the "greater good" they believe he would have brought to society.

The LibDems used to be a reasonable option but unfortunately have no idea what a woman is and would do away with our rights. I held my nose and voted for them anyway, as they were less intolerable than the two alternatives. I had many second thoughts about other options, as for me the fight to maintain basic rights for women is the key political issue of our time. But that's just my view, and I respect the fact that others will not share it.

It was not an easy choice for many of us, I and most others respect your point of view. Expecting another person to look at things through your eyes is unrealistic, and a wee bit authoritarian to be frank. Democracy is supposed to be about respectful disagreement!

You don't have to like it. Most of us vote in our own interest. I care more about myself than I care about your son. Sorry, but there it is. I don't suppose you care much about me. If you're in such a rage, get out there and change things.