I'm angry. Why? And AIBU?

[Livingtothefull]

Some of the reasons why I am angry:

Several family members voted Tory at the last election. Why would they do that given that my severely disabled DS has had progressively reduced support over the last years. Why would they vote for the government that has presided over all of that? When they profess to love DS and me? It makes me feel that DS is just an afterthought in the family when I want him to be at the centre, protected and prioritised...aibu to think that?

I am really conscious that lockdown has been terribly hard on everyone, in many different ways. But after lockdown the support provided to DS (as for many vulnerable people) reduced to next to nothing. We never heard from social services at all although his college did the best they could. I found myself working from home as well as caring for DS....I can't even describe how hard it has been on all of us. Now lockdown has eased at least we can get a carer which is helping a lot.

And I am angry with myself too and I am stuck because of it. There are so many things I want to do....I want to write, communicate, look after myself properly, contribute something. But I am not doing any of it; something is blocking me and the something is the stress and anger in me.

Is it normal to feel like this, to feel just livid with myself? Has anyone reading this gone through the same & how did you get over it?

Part of the problem is that the way things work is labour gets voted in a couple.of terms and spend, spend, spends. It's great! Then we get into debt and Tories get voted in and theres austerity because of the debt. It sucks.

Make no mistake, the Tories spend, spend, spend, but large proportions of it is going to their friends and relatives. Look at the fortune spent on that ridiculous track and trace app that went to Cummings' mate. Look at the way money is thrown at businesses who want to run academies, no matter how incompetent they are. Look at that ludicrous garden bridge.

This Tories = fiscally responsible, Labour = fiscally irresponsible is nothing more than urban myth.

So we vote Tory to solve a debt crisis caused by long-term Labour mismanagement of the economy, a global economic crash, and the reluctance to actually regulate our financial services appropriately. All sounds great eh?

Falls down once you realise that New Labour were following a Tory economic plan, put into place after a Tory government crashed the pound and caused a UK economic recession, didn't regulate our financial services but didn't deregulate them any more than the predecessor government either, were in situ during a GLOBAL economic crash, and that despite 10+ years of Tory austerity and promises that it was needed to sort out our economy, government borrowing is still astronomical, and our national debt is higher now than at any point pre-austerity.

So yeah, our economy is in the pan, our borrowing is out of control, and our debt is STILL increasing, even after 15 years of Tory government and 10 years of austerity.

It's Labour who mismanage the economy though....

You're angry because people didn't vote the way you did?

Personally I think anyone who voted Tory is brainless (also proven by the shit show handling of just about everything over the last few months), but we live in a democratic society and it is their right to vote for who they believe in. I might not agree with them and as I also have a disabled child I am pulling my hair out sometimes, but I will not live my life in anger.

Do you realise how hard it is to apply successfully for benefits, how many hoops you have to jump through?
Do you realise that it has come to it because sadly, more and more people started to see benefits as something they should get just because they believed they deserved it. There has to be a line drown and because of growing number of people wanting to take an easier route of benefits, that line had to be tightened.

Surely if you and your oh both work ft, your life has not changed much as you can still claim DLA for your child, so what has reduced for your family.

Have you considered that many Tory voters want the sane thing than you, benefits going for people who are genuinely in need of it because they genuinely can't support themselves and which these were entitled to more rather than others who could very well support themselves but for various reasons, are opting to work as few hours as possible or not at all.

Also, many voted Tory for reasons that have nothing to do with disability.

I agree that disagreeing with your political stand doesn't mean that you disrespect them but your anger is wasted.

The way politics is impacting on your life is the exact reason why I despise politics. Unlike you I think our lives are mainly governed by economics not politics. Politics is about individuals who live themselves and get a kick at convincing naive people that they can give them the best.

@Crankley

I seem to remember your name, OP. Was it you back when the whole clap for nurses thing began, who created a thread urging everyone to boo Boris one night a week? That went well didn't it

If other people are just as important, that means they are as as important as your son, who is rightly your priority as his parent but that doesn't mean he is everyone else's. I asked earlier but haven't had a response yet, what do you think Labour will provide for your son which the current government hasn't?

I did a search based on this and I hope the OP will take this post in the spirit I intend it.

Politics will always divide us, that is their nature, sadly. There is a difference between bestowing charity upon others and working to ensure dignity and security for others, and that’s a distinction I’m not confident any of the current parties have managed to make.

On a more personal level though, I honestly do think you need to let go of some of the bitterness and the resentment that seems to date back some five years or more. Intended kindly, but that isn’t healthy, no matter how justifiable it may seem. I really think that to have any chance of happiness this is something you have to move on from.

I don't live my life in anger. Just because I am expressing my anger over here doesn't mean I can't put it to one side and live my life the majority of the time. And believe it or not I am happy already.

But I can't pretend I am happy with the state of this country now. TBH I think it is falling apart, splitting right down the middle & neither 'side' can comprehend the other's world view. I am fearful of the future for my DC and other vulnerable people as we are so very divided, and there are so many who don't care and make no bones about not caring.

You see, when a few posters tell me to 'let go of my anger' or suggest I go and post elsewhere, it reads to me as another way of telling me to shut up and stop bothering you with my anger and the reasons for it, that I should just suck this up. I enjoy my life but that doesn't take away the reasons for my anger and I won't stop talking about it here and/or elsewhere.

I have never complained about the benefits applications, the form filling and interviews we have had to do, I understand that is necessary. And I have absolutely no time for benefits cheats. I mentioned this in order to indicate that it is actually pretty hard to be a benefits fraudster. I acknowledge that they still do exist - but you know just maybe, a few benefits cheats are the price of ensuring genuine claimants have everything they need?

Already more resources are dedicated to hunting down benefits cheats than rich tax avoiders - again: priorities? www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/hrmc-chasing-more-benefit-cheats-21296768

My DS has lost out on several things over the years which you could say relates to his 'quality of life' - outings, excursions, social occasions with other special needs children. My DS deserves a good quality of life as much as other young people, no? These are the things he needs to ensure he has one.

And if he has not lost out on more it is because he is so very disabled that he is manifestly entitled to certain things. I have got know of many other people less obviously (but still genuinely) disabled who have lost out on things they need to live.

This thread anecdotally sums up the feeling behind GE Dec 2019. A small group of angry left wing people shouting everyone else down who doesn’t agree with them. Banning this, cancelling that, culminating in the ultimate ridiculousness of dissociating with friends and family due to them voting for a centre right party. The same people who think they are more intelligent, enlightened, progressive, accusing everyone else of being stupid, heartless, scum of the earth for voting Tory.

Political leanings aside, it can’t be overlooked by anyone that this divide alone had a huge part in a Tory landslide in Dec 2019. This is more than about having a political view, the comments on this thread show how these people they are ‘above’ Tory voters, all 13.9 million of them. Keep going folks, you are doing a stellar job of hovering up support for them, I’m sometimes think you are working for Tory HQ.

I find the bile and hatred for Tories on here fascinating. It's so extreme and something I've never experienced in real life. I have Labour voting friends, none of whom have called me Tory scum and other such delights.

We are reasonably intelligent individuals who can have a discussion without resorting to name calling which appears to be impossible on here. I understand they must feel impotent, doubly so if they are also anti-Brexit but such extremism will get them nowhere, either on here or RL.

Still waiting to hear what the OP realistically expects from a leftwing government.

I understand they must feel impotent, doubly so if they are also anti-Brexit but such extremism will get them nowhere, either on here or RL

Nah

Some of us are fortunate enough to live in a country where Tories are nothing but a distant irrelevance politically, but thanks to their sociopathic colleagues in Westminster making Independence an inevitability, we'll soon be utterly rid of Johnson, Cummings, the entire squad of Tory goons that pollute both houses with their presence, and their reprehensible enablers in the English electorate.

Far from feeling impotent, this particular iteration of the Tory party are the greatest gift to us since George Robertson claimed Devolution would kill independence stone dead. Fool that he was.

@Livingtothefull

Several family members voted Tory at the last election.

What has this got to do with you if they choose to or do you have to control those around you?

Frankly your view of things suggests you live in your own bubble and no appreciation of the wider picture. A lot of labour voters voted Conservative due to the utter toxic nature of the Labour Party...ie hating and targeting Jews is just one thing.

People like you remind me why I have libertarian values so I thank you for that

'Several family members voted Tory at the last election.

What has this got to do with you if they choose to or do you have to control those around you?'

No. I don't try to control anyone, but I don't have to like it and if others choose to tell me how to vote I am entitled to tell them so.

'Frankly your view of things suggests you live in your own bubble and no appreciation of the wider picture' . You try living my life for a while Normal then tell me I live in a bubble. Let's just say it has its challenges.

'A lot of labour voters voted Conservative due to the utter toxic nature of the Labour Party'; regardless of whether the Labour Party are toxic, imo we as sure as hell have ended up with a toxic Government in any case.

'I find the bile and hatred for Tories on here fascinating'. Where is the hatred for the tory supporters? I dislike their policies intensely, doesn't follow I dislike every single one of them as people.

'This thread anecdotally sums up the feeling behind GE Dec 2019. A small group of angry left wing people shouting everyone else down who doesn’t agree with them.

I am not left wing and I am not shouting anyone down. I couldn't even if I wanted to.

Banning this, cancelling that, culminating in the ultimate ridiculousness of dissociating with friends and family due to them voting for a centre right party'.

I don't know what we are banning and cancelling. I am not disassociating with anyone due to their votes. And I strongly disagree that the Tory government (in its current manifestation) is 'centre right'.

XDownwiththissortofthingX

If/when Westminster gives permission for Scotland to hold another referendum and if Yes wins, I wish you luck, you're going to need it.

There's nothing like biting the hand that feeds you. Scottish taxpayers receive £1,576 per head more than the UK average so it's a bit much that there's so much anti-English feeling. If you want to be independent, perhaps we should be stopping this imbalance?

YABU about family members voting differently to you!

It's quite a self centred view that family should vote according to just one issue, that of whether in your opinion labour/ Tory would be the best result for your son. There are more issues than that which people can consider and people are entitled to have different opinions from you. This doesn't mean that they don't love or care for your ds. In this respect I feel that your anger is misdirected and will just result in alienating yourself and ds from your loving family. Of course they may not actually be a loving family, but I don't think you can know this based on how they voted.

YANBU to feel frustrated with lockdown or with lack of suitable care provision for your DS, I don't think anger is an inappropriate emotion to be feeling in this respect.

You shouldn;t be getting angry at your family, nor even the Tory party. You SHOULD be directing your anger at those who fiddled the system in order to gain benefits for something they have been proven later to not be entitled to at all and the resulting consequences of a leading party thusly tightening assessment procedures.

Tightening assessment procedures is not at all the same thing as reducing actual benefits. The former is regrettable but justifiable, the latter...worse than regrettable, can and has led to tragedy.

I don't think IABU for expecting the needs of the most vulnerable member of the family to be a priority when voting. If I could empathise with their their reasons for voting this way it would be something but it is all 'Tories act in the interests of property owners'.

'If/when Westminster gives permission for Scotland to hold another referendum and if Yes wins, I wish you luck, you're going to need it.' Well, if/when a no deal Brexit happens at this Govt's behest we will all need luck. I am angry enough with them now but if this happens and the country falls apart because of it, I will not be able to forgive them ever. As if we haven't all been through enough trauma this year.

@Crankley

XDownwiththissortofthingX

If/when Westminster gives permission for Scotland to hold another referendum and if Yes wins, I wish you luck, you're going to need it.

There's nothing like biting the hand that feeds you. Scottish taxpayers receive £1,576 per head more than the UK average so it's a bit much that there's so much anti-English feeling. If you want to be independent, perhaps we should be stopping this imbalance?

And with the future of oil industry uncertain, would it not be great to see Scotland standing up on its own two feet rather than being subsidized by taxpayer across the border. I am sure the warm fuzzy feeling of being ‘free’ will make up for the fiscal and economic shortfall.

YANBU OP.

I always use my vote to help the poorest in society; I never vote for the Tories. Voting with only your own interests in mind is abhorrent behaviour if you're lucky enough to be doing well in life.

'I am sure the warm fuzzy feeling of being ‘free’ will make up for the fiscal and economic shortfall'. I am sure the same will be true for Brexiters.

And what is this about Scotland being 'subsidised by the taxpayer across the border'? That is absurd. The UK is a single country you know consisting of what are variously called 'countries within a country' or 'regions'. It isn't just England with a few bits tacked on; all people within the UK pay taxes to subsidise the whole.

Tightening assessment procedures is not at all the same thing as reducing actual benefits. The former is regrettable but justifiable, the latter...worse than regrettable, can and has led to tragedy

The stats that were promoted by Corbyn for "100,00 extra deaths" or whatever it was were guesswork extrapolated, not proved, and stretched over the period of a much longer of years from the actual innitial data extraction of only 2 years. What would you like the Government to do? You need to be directing your ire towards actual political voting sites, not mumsnet. You can get movements heard in Parliament - gain enough votes, get your movement heard. If your child is dying because of people voting Tory, what are you doing on here, complaining to Mumsnet, if the situation for you is that dire?? Why are you not fighting to get anything changed via more direct means? Complaining to strangers won't change anything. Taking your fight where it will mean something will.

You see, when a few posters tell me to 'let go of my anger' or suggest I go and post elsewhere, it reads to me as another way of telling me to shut up and stop bothering you with my anger and the reasons for it
Why do you interpret it this way? Your views are as valid as anyone else, it's not about shurting you up, it's about exactly what is written 'letting go of your anger'. You now say you're not that angry yet that the turtle of your post.

mentioned this in order to indicate that it is actually pretty hard to be a benefits fraudster
For be it's not about fraud as much as taking advantage of what you can do and not get caught, and in my view and from my experience, these are much higher than reported. The dwp can only investigate and take to court cases that are worth the resources required to prosecute.

What would be a better argument is to explain specifically how your DS has missed and suffered. It's hard to relate what you mention to changes in policies.

I don't have a problem with how anyone votes as long as it's based facts and not fantasy.

How would you feel if your family were really angry with you for how you vote? Remember under JC they wanted to take peoples private assets, so if that planned out, and your family had their homes taken away, would you think they would be unreasonable if they were angry and blamed you?

@Dee1975

How would you feel if your family were really angry with you for how you vote? Remember under JC they wanted to take peoples private assets, so if that planned out, and your family had their homes taken away, would you think they would be unreasonable if they were angry and blamed you?

Nobody’s homes that they lived in would be taken away 🙄 houses sitting empty though, I’ve no problem with them going back to the state, or with more stringent inheritance caps. People don’t need to accumulate endless private wealth when there’s extreme poverty that could be addressed with fair distribution of money. I’m not the OP but if my family were angry with me for voting for those policies I’d be disappointed that I had such selfish greedy relatives.

They are saying (or it sounds as if they are saying) that their interests as a homeowner take priority over those of my DS and vulnerable people like him.

I don't want to appear blunt OP but you are in effect saying the same thing. Your DS's interests take priority over their's.

Yes I do argue that the things disabled people like my DS need should take priority over the prosperity of homeowners. I am all for assisting working families but the rl people in question I am referring to have no mortgages, no money worries, no dependents. So yes I do think my DS needs should take priority over their wishes.

I think the accusation against Corbyn that he was planning to take away people's homes is spurious as has already been pointed out above. But if I voted in a way that had a direct and serious potential impact on them, and I let them know what I had done, I could expect them to be angry with me.

YouJustDoYou - how do you know I am not doing the things I mentioned, as well as posting on here? This site has a wide readership that's why I post here, why shouldn't I?

'What would be a better argument is to explain specifically how your DS has missed and suffered'. I have already explained above what DS has missed out on, I can't give any other details as it would be too outing. This isn't just about me in any case but about millions of others in similar situations.

'For be it's not about fraud as much as taking advantage of what you can do and not get caught' - well, that's still fraud in my view. No-one is denying that fraud happens although we can dispute how frequently.

But dealing with fraudsters is a separate issue from ensuring genuine claimants have what they need. My concern is that they contribute to a negative public perception of disability benefit claimants - that they are 'scroungers' thereby enabling the Govt to get away with treating them as they do.