Page 2 | I'm angry. Why? And AIBU?

dontdisturbmenow · 21/08/2020 14:45

Is it just me who tries to vote in the interest of the whole of society (which benefits all of us in the end) rather than in their own narrow interest?
Everyone vote based in their own vision of what is best for society and that is almost inevitably based on our own needs and experiences. It is just that everyone circumstances are very different and do are their views.

Don't waste your energy on being frustrated on what you can't change, its energy wasted and taken away from 5oy and your family.

Have you looked into mindfulness? It teaches you about letting go of anger, frustration and fears, all the things you can't control and pollutes your energy level.

heartsonacake · 21/08/2020 14:51

People vote for the party that matches their personal circumstances and interests.

Voting a certain way does not make someone a horrible human being just because you don’t like it.

I voted Tory last, I’m glad I did and I likely will do so again.

BronwenFrideswide · 21/08/2020 15:25

I fully accept that we live in a democracy and that everyone is entitled to vote however they choose. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. People have their own reasons for voting the way they do and although I can strongly disagree with them, I respect their decisions.

You quite clearly don't respect their decisions.

I would like to believe that most people act in good faith when they vote. But when family members say to me (in explaining their decision) things like 'I voted Tory because I am a homeowner and the Tories act in the interests of homeowners' I just don't understand that I am sorry. They are saying (or it sounds as if they are saying) that their interests as a homeowner take priority over those of my DS and vulnerable people like him. They know how his entitlements have reduced over the years but still vote the way they do.

If they believe that as homeowners it is in their best interests to vote Tory, why wouldn't they? I thought you said you would respect their decisions but you don't you expect them to vote against their best interests to suit you.

Is it just me who tries to vote in the interest of the whole of society (which benefits all of us in the end) rather than in their own narrow interest?

You are not voting in interests of the whole of society whoever you vote for so stop trying to kid yourself that you do and presenting yourself as some super human being. It is impossible to vote in the best interests of every single member of the whole divergent society we live in, what's good for one won't be good for another. You voted for what was in your own interests and on what mattered to you, everyone who voted did the same, their choices and reasons were theirs to make as yours are yours to make.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 21/08/2020 15:39

It makes me feel that DS is just an afterthought in the family when I want him to be at the centre, protected and prioritised...aibu to think that?
Yes, YABU to expect others to place him at the centre and prioritise him. It is reasonable for you to do this as his mother but not reasonable to expect other family to. (I assume you mean other family outside your immediate household).

But after lockdown the support provided to DS (as for many vulnerable people) reduced to next to nothing. We never heard from social services at all.
Nothing to do with the Govt. I have a family member who has had one 10 minute phone call from their MH team. They have supposedly worked throughout. I'm sure the Govt didn't instruct them to neglect their service users.

And I am angry with myself too and I am stuck because of it. There are so many things I want to do....I want to write, communicate, look after myself properly, contribute something. But I am not doing any of it; something is blocking me and the something is the stress and anger in me.
It has been hard on many vulnerable people but I think some gratitude for the support you get wouldn't go amiss. I have two disabled relatives, one mentally for whom I am a carer and one physically. It isn't the Govt's fault they are disabled. One gets DLA and support from several organisations. One gets PIP and, quite frankly, they can't spend quickly enough to stop their savings building up.

Original poster

Livingtothefull · 21/08/2020 17:44

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 21/08/2020 17:49

Do you honestly think all the problems of life would have been solved if Corbyn was PM?

dadshere · 21/08/2020 17:53

I understand you. I cut off friendships of people who voted tory at the last election. They are either incredibally selfish, in which case I don't want to be friends with them, or incredibally stupid ditto. There aren't any other people who vote tory.

Bloomburger · 21/08/2020 17:53

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Maybe your family thought the Labour government would piss all the money up the wall again and we'd be left in the shit once more!

alphabetsoup1980 · 21/08/2020 17:57

I completely agree with you and empathise - both my husband and I work in the public sector. We have both always voted labour.
The tory policies are just awful and the cuts to vital services are insane.

My husband worked for a time as a case worker for social care. His actual.job was deciding which service users could have two washes a day and those who could do without. He also had to decide who could do without 2 visits a day fromoney a carer.

These are the most vulnerable in our society. I hastened to add, he couldn't hack the job. It absolutely broke his heart having to decide, based on some print out whom was more in need.

Just because you hate the labour party, why are the tories a good alternative!? Vote for.the bloody green party!??

My mum voted tories because she found Jeremy Corbyn creepy. Absolute joke

Iwantacookie · 21/08/2020 18:02

OP I completely understand where you are coming from. My dp is disabled and I am his full time carer so we are on benefits. I also have 3 dc. Before dp disability were only entitled to child benefit and less than £10 weekly tax credit.
My parents then vote Tory forgetting the harsher conditions on their own daughter and grandchildren because of it. Their views are "why should we pay for others to sit at home"
It infuriates me because "they dont mean us" but they don't see how weve gone from being fairly financially comfortable to just about scraping by.
Its frustrating but theres not alot you can do. I just accept that's what they think for now and dont discuss politics with them.

StormTreader · 21/08/2020 18:06

I can't help but despair when someone can say "Maybe your family thought the Labour government would piss all the money up the wall again and we'd be left in the shit once more!" while we all watch the current government hand literally millions hand over fist to their mates via contracts that were not put out to any tender process, to provide services and supplies like PHE and ferries that they simply can't provide and don't have.

It shouldn't be about empty words, or how likable individual people are or aren't, it should be about accountability, trust, and actions.

Xuli · 21/08/2020 18:18

It's understandable that people feel angry when a government that will completely shaft them comes into power. I sympathize.

But people will vote for what they feel is best for them - and each "best for them" is going to vary enormously.

In my social network, for example, there was a wider fear that Labour would fuck the economy and the City so much there would be mass redundancies. Now I know people aren't probably going to have much sympathy for bankers and lawyers, but it is only natural that a significant proportion of them wouldn't vote for a government they feel will eventually lose them their job.

Nomorepies · 21/08/2020 18:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Leaannb · 21/08/2020 18:37

@Livingtothefull

Thank you all for your posts. I think a lot of you have misunderstood me and I think that is my fault for not communicating my position clearer.

I fully accept that we live in a democracy and that everyone is entitled to vote however they choose. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. People have their own reasons for voting the way they do and although I can strongly disagree with them, I respect their decisions.

I would like to believe that most people act in good faith when they vote. But when family members say to me (in explaining their decision) things like 'I voted Tory because I am a homeowner and the Tories act in the interests of homeowners' I just don't understand that I am sorry. They are saying (or it sounds as if they are saying) that their interests as a homeowner take priority over those of my DS and vulnerable people like him. They know how his entitlements have reduced over the years but still vote the way they do.

Is it just me who tries to vote in the interest of the whole of society (which benefits all of us in the end) rather than in their own narrow interest?

I never ask anyone how they voted btw, this is all unsolicited. I also think that the FPTP system we are stuck with is a problem as it forces people to choose between the lesser of evils - but that is a bigger debate.

Chloemol/KarmaStar - you are entirely right that I should not allow my anger to take over or use it as an excuse for not accomplishing things. I am not blaming other people as I know that, whether or not others are to blame it is my responsibility to overcome the situation I am in and reach for a better life.

So I do want to take ownership of this - my question is, how? Has anyone felt like this and what strategies/books etc were helpful in finding a way through?

But you aren't respecting their decisions. You are complaing "How could they do this to me and my son" Thats not respecting them. Your family members voted based on their own situations. Which is perfectly within their right. It has nothing to do with you or your son

roarfeckingroarr · 21/08/2020 18:42

YABVU and judgmental and one dimensional in your thinking

Original poster

Livingtothefull · 21/08/2020 18:47

'That's not respecting them'. Please define respect. Since when has disagreement with someone demonstrated a lack of respect for them?

Just because I disagree with someone's decisions it doesn't follow that I disrespect them. I love my dfamily and respect them but I still think they are wrong in this regard and if they choose to engage, I will say so and why. That doesn't make me disrespectful.

OP posts:

WitchQueenofDarkness · 21/08/2020 18:47

Just be glad you weren't in Wales which DOES have a Labour Govt. I was unable to give any help and support to my elderly parents from March to the middle of July as I wasn't allowed to visit them.

All their medical appts were cancelled and they were left to cope alone. The (lack of) Covid testing was a bad joke and power plays by the FM took precedence over the well being of the population

BronwenFrideswide · 21/08/2020 18:50

@dadshere

I understand you. I cut off friendships of people who voted tory at the last election. They are either incredibally selfish, in which case I don't want to be friends with them, or incredibally stupid ditto. There aren't any other people who vote tory.

Always Labour or left wing voters who say stuff like this. Especially the ones that paint themselves as liberal, kind, tolerant, respectful of the opinions of others and supporters of democracy, quite clearly they are not they don't want democracy they want dictatorship.

Original poster

Livingtothefull · 21/08/2020 19:10

'YABVU and judgmental and one dimensional in your thinking'

Well you're entitled to your opinion roarfeckingroarr but I don't know how you can possibly tell all of that from my posts alone. And then other posters here are lecturing me about being disrespectful?

'Always Labour or left wing voters who say stuff like this'. And the Tory voters on here get upset about being lumped together and having assumptions made about them?

OP posts:

Pobblebonk · 21/08/2020 19:12

People vote according to their own situations and experiences. They didn't vote Tory to spite your son.

But it's reasonable for OP to be angry because they didn't take into account her son's situation and experiences. This government's treatment of the disabled, particularly children, has been an absolute disgrace, and it amazes me that anyone can support what amounts to outright cruelty..

Pobblebonk · 21/08/2020 19:16

These recent months have been unprecedented for governments worldwide and difficult decisions have been made quickly and reacting to the spread of an pandemic.

Whilst the government's handling of the pandemic has been utterly appalling, the problem of their treatment of the most vulnerable members of society goes back several years before anyone knew anything about Covid.

HouchinBawbags · 21/08/2020 19:17

Voting Tory or voting Corbyn is like choosing between syphilis and gonorrhoea. There are no winners here.
Voting labour wouldn't magically fix things either. (Though I would prefer Tories not be in power but hey ho, they're all shit)

manybirdsnests · 21/08/2020 19:18

OP,

Unfortunately, your post seems to have attracted a bunch of defensive Tory voters.
Some of us do vote to try and create a fairer society for everyone, honestly.
Is it the fashion to be outspokenly selfish these days?

By the way, I didn't vote Labour or Conservative at the last election. There are other parties out there.

DowntonCrabby · 21/08/2020 19:21

Kindly OP as you are in a hard situation, but YABU. I’d never vote Tory in a million years but that’s democracy.

Your family don’t live you or DS any less because of their politics.

HouchinBawbags · 21/08/2020 19:22

And I voted for the party that was most likely to stop the SNP gaining a seat in our area even if I didn't like who I voted for. The SNP are, to me, a far worse option.
Thankfully I wasn't alone and again they didn't get a seat here.