I'm angry. Why? And AIBU?

[Livingtothefull]

Some of the reasons why I am angry:

Several family members voted Tory at the last election. Why would they do that given that my severely disabled DS has had progressively reduced support over the last years. Why would they vote for the government that has presided over all of that? When they profess to love DS and me? It makes me feel that DS is just an afterthought in the family when I want him to be at the centre, protected and prioritised...aibu to think that?

I am really conscious that lockdown has been terribly hard on everyone, in many different ways. But after lockdown the support provided to DS (as for many vulnerable people) reduced to next to nothing. We never heard from social services at all although his college did the best they could. I found myself working from home as well as caring for DS....I can't even describe how hard it has been on all of us. Now lockdown has eased at least we can get a carer which is helping a lot.

And I am angry with myself too and I am stuck because of it. There are so many things I want to do....I want to write, communicate, look after myself properly, contribute something. But I am not doing any of it; something is blocking me and the something is the stress and anger in me.

Is it normal to feel like this, to feel just livid with myself? Has anyone reading this gone through the same & how did you get over it?

OP no one would ever disagree the the most vulnerable need to be looked after. I’ve never one ever read a post or heard someone say that they don’t want to contribute to make those people’s lives better who need it. Least of all someone with a disabled child. Please don’t read some of the replies as uncaring. There are a couple of perspectives being put forward by people.

First, that the hostile comments towards people voting Tory need to take into account that 13.9 millions people voted that way. Are they all uncaring towards the vulnerable? A lot worse is said by hard lefties about these 13.9 millions voters, some of which is truly vile. Second, we cannot blame the media for everything, people see and share real life events on this very forum which forms their perception of how thier contribution to the coffers should be spent.

sst1234 thank you for your post. I believe that most people do not wish the vulnerable to be disadvantaged or that contributions should not be made to make their lives better. I don't think that all the Tory voters are inevitably uncaring towards the vulnerable and I wouldn't condone derogatory things being said against them as a group, by 'hard lefties' (of whom I am not one) or anyone else.

But imo they have failed to make a connection between their vote and the consequences of that vote. People are dying due to austerity. By voting the way they have, these voters are indicating that they are OK with the consequences of how they are voting. There is no good claiming that another party would have done the same/been worse; this government has been in power since 2010 and presided over the current situation.

I'm afraid I do see some of the replies as uncaring; when I see posters that state that they don't care about my DS as much as they do about themselves or indicate that they voted in their own interest never mind anyone else's, and that it is natural and normal to think that way.

I am afraid that indicates a huge gulf in comprehension; of course our own loved ones are dearest to us but we also should understand intellectually and empathetically that other people are just as important?

And other posters indicate that it is fine for the genuinely needy to suffer if this ensures we avoid benefit fraud; like this is an acceptable price to pay and they are just necessary collateral damage in safeguarding the economy.

'You don't have to like it. Most of us vote in our own interest. I care more about myself than I care about your son. Sorry, but there it is'.

I am sorry to say but I found your post quite chilling. Please be alert to what, historically, the 'me first' attitude can lead to.

'I don't suppose you care much about me'. I do actually, I care a lot about my fellow human beings.

'If you're in such a rage, get out there and change things'. That is what I am trying to do, by talking to my family and by posting here. I have to juggle doing what I can do to make changes, with working and caring for my DS.

Several family members voted Tory at the last election. Why would they do that given that my severely disabled DS has had progressively reduced support over the last years.
Can you explain exactly what support the Tory Govt have progressively reduced?

If we are fairly comfortable (at the moment) it is because DH & I both work FT, although we are limited career wise because of the need to care for DS.
So are you saying you want the Tory Govt to provide more financial support so that you don't both have to work full time and look after your own child?

This is such bollocks saying you can't be angry about the way people vote and still believe in democracy. I believe in my partner's right to socialise with his mates, I still reserve the right to be fucked off if he gets paralytic, comes home and shits our bed.

You can believe in the principle that people have a right to choose how they are governed, and continue to believe they have that right, even while thinking they are idiots at best and absolutely evil fuckers at worst based on the way in which they choose to execute that right.

I think breaking it down it comes down to:
A lot of people do not have a clue, they believe everything (or most things) the media spouts.
They don't understand politics. Just look at The big Red Bus Brexit Lie. Johnson was never a Brexiter but people do not research enough.
They vote for their best interests. If this means saving 2p on income tax then they want it, regardless of what this effects.
It always amazes me when people do not do their own research. For example how can you not know that our prime minister has umpteen illegitimate children. Or not know that he was privately educated. The same applies to Labour politicians.

of course our own loved ones are dearest to us but we also should understand intellectually and empathetically that other people are just as important?
'Just as important' is the operative phrase. You seem to be contradicting yourself. In your OP you don't understand why your family don't put your child at the centre of the family and prioritise him. I agree that your child is just as important as the next person - no more, no less. He doesn't need to be at the centre of their world. They don't need to prioritise him. You are his mum so it's your job to do that.

But imo they have failed to make a connection between their vote and the consequences of that vote.

You say you didn't vote Labour and obviously not Tory and it is none of my or anyone else's business who you voted for but if the party you voted for got into power would you have made the connection between your vote and the consequences of that vote when it impacted negatively upon others?

I don't suppose you care much about me'. I do actually, I care a lot about my fellow human beings.

Again, if who you voted for gained power and other peoples lives were impacted negatively what then? Do you say "Oh sorry about that but my life is much better".

This is what I mean when I say you cannot realistically vote in absolutely everyones interest, it is impossible and stating that you do is just an attempt to make you sound better than the rest of the population.

I seem to remember your name, OP. Was it you back when the whole clap for nurses thing began, who created a thread urging everyone to boo Boris one night a week? That went well didn't it

If other people are just as important, that means they are as as important as your son, who is rightly your priority as his parent but that doesn't mean he is everyone else's. I asked earlier but haven't had a response yet, what do you think Labour will provide for your son which the current government hasn't?

Classic Labour racist @ChristmasFluff. In one sentence "I've never seen any antisemitism!" in the next literally comes out with antisemitic bile. You lot can do one.

I would be angry too OP. I am angry on your behalf.

They voted Conservative because they wanted to and it’s their right to vote for who they want too.

Part of the problem is that the way things work is labour gets voted in a couple.of terms and spend, spend, spends. It's great! Then we get into debt and Tories get voted in and theres austerity because of the debt. It sucks.

Then it goes back to labour and happens all over again.

Brexit fecked the cycle. We should have been due to switch back to a labour government soon.

Ps, I switch parties each election based policies.

YANBU. I can't really like anyone intelligent who votes tory as they cannot really care about them. I am more forgiving of less intelligent / educated who vote tory, as I see they have been manipulated. But I don't bother trying to persuade them. I stick to my far nicer, brighter left wing friends and family. OP you are right...lots of people GENUINELY don't really care about families with additional needs, and stick to the brainless tory line of everyone working hard or deserving less. No understanding whatsoever of the very very different playing field people find themselves in.

Do the conservatives spend less?
Or do they spend in different ways?
Who do you think will pay the company which ran the algorithms that have given out the A level results? Or the company (ofqual is it) who employed them. The tax payer of course. Who foots the bill for the giant white elephant which is HS2? The tax on payer. None of these examples are of any benefit to me personally in any way. Neither is increasing care for the disabled. It's how you chose to spend the money. Just don't blindly accept that spending of tax payers money isn't happening, it most certainly is, just not in the same way.

But when family members say to me (in explaining their decision) things like 'I voted Tory because I am a homeowner and the Tories act in the interests of homeowners' I just don't understand that

You don't understand why people vote for parties that best represent their interests? Erm...

I could give further examples of spending on education which have directly benefited the CEO of academies, even though the academy has gone bankrupt. That's fine though, teachers and staff leaving in droves because they haven't been paid whilst the CEO and his cronies walked away will contracts worth £320,000 to be precise. This is the Tory government.

No, YANBU.

Of course people can vote as they choose, but if they vote Conservative and then profess to care about other people or society at large then they are kidding themselves. After 10 years of Conservative government when health and social services have been cut to the bone, it's obvious that people voting Tory are not concerned with the vulnerable. Anyone who professes not to understand this must have been wilfully ignoring the news for a decade.

The great thing about the Tory party is that they are consistently clear that they are focused on protecting the wealthy, landlords, homeowners and shareholders. They have cut health and social services to the bone. If you vote for them, you know what you're getting. They do not try to hide it.

I don't see how you can square voting Conservative with professing empathy for people that need help and support. It defies logic.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP

I couldn't continue any friendship or relationship with someone I knew had voted Tory, family included. It doesn't make someone a reprehensible person, but I consider it a reprehensible enough act that I wouldn't want to associate with them voluntarily. They have every right to vote how they like, but I also have every right to choose who I want to include in my life, and sorry, but Tory voters fall short for a number of reasons, none of which have anything to do with Jeremy Corbyn, which seems to be the default excuse for voting Tory on mumsnet.

It's difficult if you're close with these people and need to maintain a relationship with them for reasons other than simple friendship, but I can totally relate to your revulsion.

"People are dying due to austerity"

Do you have the links for these facts please, OP?

Corbyn wasn't toxic, the press just made him look as though he was.

I've met many Labour politicians over the years, and Jeremy Corbyn was the nicest, kindest and most thoughtful of the lot. And utterly without ego.

@YouJustDoYou

Here's one to start you off. A simple Google search will find the rest -

www.bmj.com/content/365/bmj.l2321

So many Tory apologists on here. Happy to see the support for people like you and your DC slashed.

I hear you OP. Their (your relatives) worldview doesn’t extend to make a mindful, caring choice which supports their family.

No wonder you’re angry but it’s important you do find an outlet for it. Maybe an online group of people in similar situations.