I'm angry. Why? And AIBU?

[Livingtothefull]

Some of the reasons why I am angry:

Several family members voted Tory at the last election. Why would they do that given that my severely disabled DS has had progressively reduced support over the last years. Why would they vote for the government that has presided over all of that? When they profess to love DS and me? It makes me feel that DS is just an afterthought in the family when I want him to be at the centre, protected and prioritised...aibu to think that?

I am really conscious that lockdown has been terribly hard on everyone, in many different ways. But after lockdown the support provided to DS (as for many vulnerable people) reduced to next to nothing. We never heard from social services at all although his college did the best they could. I found myself working from home as well as caring for DS....I can't even describe how hard it has been on all of us. Now lockdown has eased at least we can get a carer which is helping a lot.

And I am angry with myself too and I am stuck because of it. There are so many things I want to do....I want to write, communicate, look after myself properly, contribute something. But I am not doing any of it; something is blocking me and the something is the stress and anger in me.

Is it normal to feel like this, to feel just livid with myself? Has anyone reading this gone through the same & how did you get over it?

So, who should we be voting for?

Lol, op- posting on mn won't change life for your ds. You know that.

OP your argument is that you want the state to fund more than you basic needs, the nice to have stuff. With other people’s money. Others would rather spend that on fining their own children the nice to have stuff. You sound very entitled.

OP you’re right to feel angry with them. Sorry you are having such a difficult time

sst1234 I don't know where to begin with what you have posted. Disability benefits are for DS who is an adult and entitled to them in his own right; they are not means tested because they are his not ours. So yes we are literally 'very entitled'. And we are taxpayers too. In fact one could argue that as unpaid carers for an adult we are actually saving taxpayers money.

I know posting here won't change my life, there are things about ds situation that nothing can change. There are other posts on here for all kinds of reasons including just wanting to offload.

Thank you TheFuckingDogs for your post. Thanks to everyone who have supported me on here including those who have disagreed with me on some points.

So, who should we be voting for?

This is the question for me. Labour - deeply problematic. Anti Semitic and massive issue with women atm. Keir is doing what he can but women are still literally unmentionable.

LDs embarrassing. Same woman problem. Poor leader.

Greens - same woman problem. Major safeguarding fail covered up.

The woman issue is my number one issue. Just as support for your son is yours. I will vote according to my priorities and so should you. I actually can’t understand why anyone would vote for a party that doesn’t know what a woman is and yet they do.

I think all the major parties have an issue with women so I don't know how women should vote. We have a PM with a string of marriages, girlfriends and has fathered nobody knows how many children.

This should be a problem for women voters as it says a lot about his attitude to women and also his trustworthiness. In the public sphere that matters; if his nearest and dearest can't trust him why should any of us?

We aren’t talking about his personal life, we are talking about policies which strip away dignity and respect for women.

Are you being unreasonable OP?

Absolutely YES 🌺

@Livingtothefull

I think all the major parties have an issue with women so I don't know how women should vote. We have a PM with a string of marriages, girlfriends and has fathered nobody knows how many children.

This should be a problem for women voters as it says a lot about his attitude to women and also his trustworthiness. In the public sphere that matters; if his nearest and dearest can't trust him why should any of us?

The only MPs (and members of the Lords) who appear to know what a woman actually is and campaign for sex based rights, are, almost without exception, Tories.

You're right @FaffingForEngland and I see the threat to women and girls as the biggest political issue right now, so I'll be voting Tory until other parties see sense

@Livingtothefull

'I am sure the warm fuzzy feeling of being ‘free’ will make up for the fiscal and economic shortfall'. I am sure the same will be true for Brexiters.

And what is this about Scotland being 'subsidised by the taxpayer across the border'? That is absurd. The UK is a single country you know consisting of what are variously called 'countries within a country' or 'regions'. It isn't just England with a few bits tacked on; all people within the UK pay taxes to subsidise the whole.

They mean the Barnett formula, which does essentially mean Scotland is subsidised by England because they receive more per head than In England. Rightly or wrongly - but its fact.

I get you OP.

I think for your own sake you have to forgive your family their ignorance and close down any attempted discussion of politics.

A lot of people really can't imagine what it's like to have the 24/7 demands of a disabled person to look after.

YANBU The Tory government is toxic for disabled people- many are made to feel like second class citizens and seen as being guilty until proven innocent.

Also spending 24/7 caring for a severely disabled person is a kind of hell and people who haven't been through it just won't understand. I totally do.

Thank you for your post roarfeckingroarr.

I know that the Barnett formula is widely regarded as highly controversial so not sure that it is so straightforward re Scotland. But I take the point that the rights of women and girls are a huge issue and are under serious threat at the moment (though would dispute that it is the biggest issue rather than sitting alongside other huge issues such as the rights of the disabled).

I do find it hard though to think of the Tory party as a champion of womens' rights. The fact that they are regarded as the least bad option is a statement on what low regard womens' interests are held by all the major parties.

Thank you madroid and Lovely1a2b3c, I don't know if you have also had first hand experience of caring for a disabled dependent but it is gruelling. Without first hand knowledge it is impossible to understand how hard it is although people with empathy may try. It is also hard to explain how terrified I am for his future in this country.

I'm surprised by people talking about "centre-right" and "leftist", presenting it as a choice between one moderate right and one extreme left party.
I would say what we've had for ages is "rightist" and "centre-left" if not flatout "centre".

Mumsnet is predominantly Tory residing in 'naice' houses.

Good luck.

Always Labour or left wing voters who say stuff like this. Especially the ones that paint themselves as liberal, kind, tolerant, respectful of the opinions of others and supporters of democracy, quite clearly they are not they don't want democracy they want dictatorship.

Sadly, I agree, and I've never voted Tory in my life. But I can understand why people did vote Tory in the last election. Because the alternative, Corbyn, was a far more scary prospect than Boris Johnson.

In all truth, neither party was an attractive prospect and for the first time in my life I really didn't want to vote. But, as a woman, I wouldn't ever fail to vote, as the vote for women was so hard won.

Now, with Keir Starmar as the leader of the Labour Party, I think a lot of voters may well, hopefully, return to the fold. I do hope so, as I agree with the OP that this Tory government has been toxic in a lot of ways.

My mum voted tories because she found Jeremy Corbyn creepy. Absolute joke

And how many times has she met him, @alphabetsoup1980?

I've met him quite a few times, albeit in the 1980s. Not only was he not creepy, he was very respectful, really listens, and despite his firebrand oratory, he came across very gentle in manner.

I've given up on being angry with people for how they vote. I just wait until they moan about the state of the roads/schools/NHS/housing, how much the council tax is or how little their pension is and point out that this is what they voted for.

It really enrages my SIL. She gets all indignant and insists she didn't vote for anything of the sort, whereupon I remind her that when you vote, you don't get to pick from a menu, you're voting for the whole package.

And I call them on it, every single time. When Brexit turns out to be a shitshow, I will remind my (utterly lovely and Labour-voting) MIL that she voted for it, too.

I've binned pretty much all of my friends, including some I've had for 20 years, because they supported lockdown - which is a policy I believe will go down in history as one of the most stupid and damaging ideas in the history of politics.

I don't miss them one little bit. Their stupidity, cowardice and self- serving natures were revealed in their support for this awfulness.

If you truly feel that level of anger - ditch your pals. You won't regret it.