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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cat scratched baby

201 replies

SideEyeing · 20/08/2020 17:54

Hi there,
Imagine I'm going to be flamed for letting the cat near DD (8m). Please be gentle, am feeling horrible.
We have a rather grumpy elderly cat who for the most part avoids DD. Unfortunately she adores him and now that she's newly crawling likes to follow him around when he occasionally ambles into the kitchen to eat. Normally he jumps on a table if she comes too close but today she managed to grab a handful of fur (I was trying to get her dinner sorted and took my eyes off. I realise I'm a massive dick and I feel uttetly shit😔) and he swiped her arm. He hasn't broken the skin but there's a white scratch mark. Do I need to see the doc? If he'd broken the skin there'd be no question, I'd take her to the walk in straight away.
I feel like the worst parent ever. I'm going to need to rehome the cat aren't I?
Fuck :(

OP posts:
inpontypandyallday · 20/08/2020 19:27

Honestly the best way kids learn to have respect for cats is by getting a swipe. DD had a few off ours when she was little but soon learnt and they adore each other now. I've also noticed she's much gentler with them than friend's children whose parents freaked out if the cat ever scratched.

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 20/08/2020 19:28

The cat was asserting his boundaries. If he wanted to hurt the baby, it would have been worse.

No need to rehome the cat. Things will probably get easier soon as baby will realise cat doesn't want to play, and is actually quite boring.

We had it flip round and now the cats love the baby (toddler) and follow her round constantly. To a litany of 'Go WAY cat!'.

Has the cat realised babies drop food yet? 😂

Original poster
SideEyeing · 20/08/2020 19:29

One of MN's rather more unanimous YABUs. Thanks all. In all seriousness you've helped a lot.

OP posts:
Dancingdeer77 · 20/08/2020 19:29

I don’t mean to undermine how you are feeling but your DD is in very good company. As parents we obviously try to create safe situations, but babies learn not to pull on the cat through getting a bad reaction!
My son had a similar experience and is now, years later, still very gentle with the cat.

You don’t need to see a doctor. You don’t need to rehome the cat. Social services won’t come knocking. You are a good mum, feeling a bit anxious.

What you DO need to do is a) forgive yourself for this quite minor incident b) press pause on catastrophizing and c) do something nice for yourself.

Tomorrow is a new day. All the small creatures will be fine. You will be fine.

Cattermole · 20/08/2020 19:30

I have a photo somewhere of my very elderly female cat and my days-old DS, she was sitting on him washing his head.
She basically considered him a big kitten and used to regularly smack him with sheathed claws, wash him, she tried to teach him how to hunt when he was older. (He was crap at it and she gave up after a while.)

Rite of passage, lovely, and no harm done.
The time you need to watch is when the child decides to eat out of the cat's bowl....they never take well to that.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 20/08/2020 19:31

Happened to a friend's soon when he was about a year old - he'd cornered her and she'd objected, narrowly missing his eye. Her only comment was that hopefully wouldn't do that again, and if he did he was rather stupid.

That's the attitude I'm going to take with my child. I know my cat, she won't attack without provocation. My child has to learn not to provoke her and if she does get scratched she won't be getting much sympathy from me. They'll be fine.

lowlandLucky · 20/08/2020 19:31

OP don't worry, the cat will now give the little one a wider berth. I had 3 children and a cat that was not cuddly. The little ones soon learned to leave him be. The will both have learned a lesson today

ilovesooty · 20/08/2020 19:31

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

I wouldn’t have even dignified the post at 18:01 with a response. She’s clearly trying to wind you up and watch you go. Absolutely you can and should rehome the cat. Let’s face it it’s never going to work isn’t. The cat will always be grumpy it’s obviously part of his nature and babies will always be inquisitive and grabby. Next time it could her eye.
Oh give up. Any cat would retaliate if grabbed like that. There shouldn't be next time if the OP is more vigilant. The car has not attacked without provocation, no real harm has been done and there is no need whatsoever to rehome the cat.
AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 20/08/2020 19:32

@inpontypandyallday

Honestly the best way kids learn to have respect for cats is by getting a swipe. DD had a few off ours when she was little but soon learnt and they adore each other now. I've also noticed she's much gentler with them than friend's children whose parents freaked out if the cat ever scratched.
This!!
lockeddownandcrazy · 20/08/2020 19:35

Get a grip - its a cat scratch not an alligator bite!

PhilSwagielka · 20/08/2020 19:38

Nah, you're not a dick. These things happen. Put some antiseptic on, maybe, but no need to go the doctor if the skin didn't break. Only rehome the cat if he absolutely can't tolerate your child and they're at risk of being hurt. Cats don't like having their fur or tails pulled - I found out the hard way as a young child (4-5) when I pulled my gran's cat's tail and he scratched my hand. I learned not to do it again. Cats and children can coexist.

I'd also add that if your cat is old, you may have trouble rehoming him, especially if he has health problems. My last cat was ancient and had a ton of health problems - dodgy kidneys, bad teeth etc. - and the vet told me not to bother with pet insurance as no-one would cover him. My local cat home does have a few old cats but the young ones and kittens tend to be more popular.

Original poster
SideEyeing · 20/08/2020 19:39

@Dancingdeer77 Thank you. Made me tear up a bit. Think I'm just a bit overwhelmed generally at the moment!

OP posts:
Ideasplease322 · 20/08/2020 19:40

People talk about rehoming cats when they really mean giving them up to a shelter.

An elderly cat has a slim chance of finding a new home, so it lives it life out lovely in a cage.

Unless you are going to find it a nice family to go and live with you aren’t rehoming it you are abandoning it.

Most cats will lash out of someone grabs a fist full of fur. It probably hurt. No one wants a child to be hurt but the poor cat was scared. The the child got a minor scratch.

runningonemptyfulloflove · 20/08/2020 19:40

I mean it's a bit extreme to think to re-home him. I'd say not to worry. DD is fine, we all take our eyes off them for a second. They'll figure each other out and the boundaries. If he wanted to really hurt her he would of, sounds like he was just warning her x

Ideasplease322 · 20/08/2020 19:41

Lonely in a cage, not lovely

catsarecute · 20/08/2020 19:44

We had a grumpy old cat when we had DS. I mean, the kind of grumpy you would warn visitors not to touch, and say "well I did say not to touch him" when they got scratched later. He and DS learned to keep out of each other's way, the grumpy old cat died when DS was 8. I think he got scratched twice in his life from the cat. One of my friends (also a cat owner) later said she was surprised we had never rehomed the cat when we had DS. I can honestly say it never even crossed my mind. Obviously we supervised carefully and they pretty much stayed out of each others way. But risk from cat scratches is pretty low (not saying there's no risk, but it's not like living with an aggressive dog, on the scale of risk for example). DS was not sad when our grumpy cat died (although we were, of course). We've got 3 super friendly cats now and he adores them (and they him). I think it's taught him to respect animals and he's learned to read their body language better too, he doesn't automatically assume all animals are friendly!

lovemakespeace · 20/08/2020 19:44

I just got home from a trip to my parents with my kids OP, 8, 6 and 4.

I said to my husband I just can't believe how hard things were until my youngest got to about 3.

8 months in with number 1 I was finding things really hard and I didn't have much perspective.

I've found parenting really really hard. There's no shame in that. You'll get there Star

Original poster
SideEyeing · 20/08/2020 19:44

@Ideasplease322 I'd never, ever give him to a shelter, whatever happened. I'm not going to rehome him, I had a stupid wobble and have rightly been taken to task over it. If, imagine, tomorrow he went absolutely nuts and decided he was on a solo mission to eat the baby or turn her into a claw cushion we do have lovely friends who have looked after him during holidays etc who would take him (it was a discussion before DD was born prompted by MIL and DMs endless tales of jealous cats turning on the baby etc. Nonsense as it turned out, he just looked unimpressed for a while.)

OP posts:
lovemakespeace · 20/08/2020 19:45

Btw, I still think I'm a pretty good mum!! And you are too

VivaMiltonKeynes · 20/08/2020 19:47

I'm going to need to rehome the cat aren't I?

Why is the cat to blame for this ?

Original poster
SideEyeing · 20/08/2020 19:48

@VivaMiltonKeynes He's not, I am.

OP posts:
CarrotCakeCrumbs · 20/08/2020 19:48

Cats generally only scratch if they are wound up, they have warning signs before they snap too (hairs raising, tail flicking, hissing etc..) your 8 month old has learnt not to grab the cat (maybe...my daughter has had numerous scratches and still not learnt to leave them alone when they don't want to be stroked Grin). Unless your cat is showing signs of stress with the new baby, then don't worry too much. If your cat isn't coping well with the baby then it might be best to rehome him for his own sake but ONLY if that is really what's best for him and if other ways to help arent working a vet can advise on that though.

MrsTiffin · 20/08/2020 19:50

Don't worry OP, I have a cat and baby too, and another one on the way. They'll learn each others boundaries, my 19 month old mostly ignores the cat now, my main issue is stopping him eating the cat's biscuits Hmm

HaveSomeTea · 20/08/2020 19:52

it was a discussion before DD was born prompted by MIL and DMs endless tales of jealous cats turning on the baby etc.

You need to tell them to shut up (nicely). If you’re feeling overwhelmed, having them talking like that really won’t help.

Hope your daughter is ok. 💐

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 20/08/2020 19:53

We have three cats. Two of them completely ignored my kids after they’d had the first introduction. One is really playful and took a swipe at my daughter (then about three months old) while daughter was kicking around on the carpet. My daughter screamed the house down. She terrified the cat and he stayed away from her from then on.
She’s three now and the cats are all happier in her company. She was ill on the sofa a while ago and all three cats curled around her.
I think the odd scratch, although isn’t ideal, it’s going to do any lasting damage and is all part and parcel of learning how to behave around animals.
A bit of germoline and they’re as right as rain x