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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to uninvite people from our wedding?

162 replies

holatous · 20/08/2020 17:12

We sent out save the dates in January for our wedding next summer (less than a year now!).

Coronavirus exposed our venue to some pretty shady behaviour - refusal to refund any weddings, refusing contact, lots of publicity in the papers and court cases ahead. I don't know if the venue will remain viable by the time our wedding comes around and I am not wanting to deal with the stress. This wedding was also 5 hour drive from where we live (and majority of the party) and over more than one day as DP is the bridezilla in this scenario! It would have been fun but required a lot of planning and money and I don't think we will pull it off.

I started to think of alternative venues knowing at worst we'd lose our wedding deposit (£1.5k) but wanted to prepare. I found an amazing venue abroad that meets both our tastes. We visited recently and it was perfect, we love it. Overall it'll come in cheaper than the other wedding (including lost deposit) and would be more grand and in line with our tastes. We also get a planner etc so nothing it to be worried about by me!

The place is easy to access and return flights are £70, all our friends are jet setters. However, it is not a child-friendly wedding but neither was the one before.
Due to maximum capacity we can only have 30 people at our new venue, our original guestlist and save the dates were 50-60.

How would you 'uninvite' people? We were going to throw a party in the UK after for those that can't come.

OP posts:
SparklyShoesandTutus · 21/08/2020 18:20

Find the worst media story about your venue. Send a cancellation notice to all invited guests...... due to this our wedding has unfortunately been cancelled: include an invite to the abroad venue and a save the date to all those that you want to come to your UK after party

Jack80 · 21/08/2020 18:31

Just send new invite the people you want to come, make sure you don't upset family and close friends.

FelicisNox · 21/08/2020 19:02

Just send a change of venue invite.

Book your preferred wedding and have a fab party on your return with the people who can't be invited to the new wedding.

If it states change of venue rather than uninvited it will be less of a blow. It's your wedding so do what you want to do.

It may be a disappointment for some but if they love you they will get over it.

FortniteBoysMum · 21/08/2020 19:18

It could go down very badly. Personally if you were going to do it send everyone the same message saying that you are re-evaluating your options and considering a wedding abroad followed by celebration after with everyone. Sell it as the evening reception. Then ask if people can let you know if they would like to attend abroad or not as some may pull out for you. Then after that say you will draw couples from a hat after the essential wedding party(even if you will not) it sounds less bad than sorry your no longer invited.

curlymom · 21/08/2020 19:56

Have you considered explaining and telling those who couldn’t be invited perhaps to see you for a meal after honeymoon? it will be a relief for some people whose circumstances may have changed during the crisis

SurroundedByIdiotsEverywhere · 21/08/2020 20:00

You would lose your deposit, also do not forget that covid could still be around with travel bans abroad so you could lose out on all that too... Sit tight for a while and see where we are at in January...

CrunchyNutNC · 21/08/2020 20:07

If my friend said they were changing their wedding to something smaller citing the pandemic I wouldn't bet an eyelid.

If they then said it was abroad instead I'd think they were a bit mad to invest in that during a global pandemic, but would also be glad not to be involved and have to worry about whether it would go ahead, whether it would be necessary to quarantine coming home, etc .

It's your wedding, have whom you want.

I think next summer feels like a long way away, but we're 5 months in so far and have quarantining, masks etc. This will rumble for a long time.

EhUp · 21/08/2020 20:14

I agree with @RealMermaid, just contact all the guests who you originally sent ‘save the dates’ to and communicate politely that your original plans are cancelled due to covid/ venue problems

Plan afresh and invite who you want (although agree with others that a lot of people may not want to confirm their attendance at an oversees wedding in the next 12 months so don’t be surprised if you can’t find 30 willing guests!)

yolio · 21/08/2020 21:25

Weddings are so overrated.

Just go and get get married and in a safer time have a party.

End of day most will wish you all well but may not want all the shenanigans of a wedding in the time of Covid.

VenusClapTrap · 21/08/2020 21:37

Even though they’re not your nearest and dearest, they could still be hurt or disappointed by what you’re planning to do. Dh and I were due to go to a wedding recently that has been postponed due to Covid, and as we are quite peripheral friends of the couple we won’t make the cut for the downsized new date.

I love a good wedding (unlike half of MN) and although I understand completely why we are being uninvited, it’s still disappointing. At least the groom had the decency to ring everyone personally to apologise and explain - you should definitely do this.

If I later heard that their wedding had changed to a more bling venue abroad I would be a bit Hmm

Incrediblytired · 21/08/2020 21:42

Lots of people won’t want to go anyway. I’m not being deliberately horrible but lots of people don’t feel comfortable flying during the pandemic, others will be medically advised against, others with be concerned about changing quarantine rules etc.

LadyofTheManners · 21/08/2020 21:44

I think this is about the only time you could get away with it, by saying the venue is appalling and probably won't exist next year, that you've been hit financially and that this makes sense as Weddings may not be back to normal and finding a venue here will be tough as prices have gone up and many are either closing down or accomodating 2020 brides who have had to cancel due to the restrictions.
I'm hoping mine is able to go ahead next year as I'm a postponed bride! We have no guarantee as this bastard virus seems to be here to stay.

TheQuaffle · 21/08/2020 21:46

Maybe split the guest list into ‘abroad wedding’ and ‘UK Party’ and send out new save the dates.

yolio · 21/08/2020 22:42

Jayxis we cant do anything without a mask now.

Weddings IMV are done now, and that is great. Few like them anyway and it should really be just for B+G in the end.

Back to basics folks.

Oh God Bridezzilas will be ignored. Good.

Feel for the wedding companies and so on, but times have changed now.

The marriage is the important thing.

BluebellsGreenbells · 22/08/2020 00:22

An abroad wedding where you may have to quarantine on return. Or get stuck trying to get back. Have flights cancelled or hotels closed down.

Do you remember what happened in March with loads of people stuck abroad?

Then there’s the risk of illness abroad or rules on social distancing/gatherings that may apply on that country. Plus airlines will fail! Should the British tax payer just pay to recuse you and your party?

I think you’re mad to even consider it.

Either go and get married with parents and have a party later, or wait until the all clear/vaccine.

mrshousty · 22/08/2020 03:15

My aunt married my uncle in the 80s, when they were planning their wedding it got completely out of hand, trying to please everyone, so much so that they got really stressed out and realised it was none of it was what they wanted so they cancelled the whole thing and started again! It's your day, do it your way! NO regrets! You'll only get this chance once (ideally 😄) do what's right for you!

Japa · 22/08/2020 05:17

Do you really think that it is a good idea to arrange a wedding abroad in the middle of a global pandemic? It seems crazy with the number of variables that could go wrong.
Why not do it locally to ensure the highest likelihood that it will actually be able to go ahead? And you reduce the stress and health risk for yourselves and your guests.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2020 05:43

Our friends are all abroad people, travel a lot even during coronavirus even to non-airbridge places.

Your friends are all happy to have to quarantine for 14 days after your wedding? I find that quite hard to believe.

MsTSwift · 22/08/2020 05:48

Just reading about hapless couple in Croatia for friends wedding flights now £900 they looking at ferries to Italy (interested as we switched holiday from Croatia to Italy at last minute). How guilty would that wedding couple feel putting guests through that?

Shell4429 · 22/08/2020 07:35

Just tell them the original wedding is cancelled. Then say you have booked a different one with a smaller venue abroad. I think people will be relieved they can’t come, going abroad for a wedding is a lot of hassle.

LadyofTheManners · 22/08/2020 07:49

@yolio

Jayxis we cant do anything without a mask now.

Weddings IMV are done now, and that is great. Few like them anyway and it should really be just for B+G in the end.

Back to basics folks.

Oh God Bridezzilas will be ignored. Good.

Feel for the wedding companies and so on, but times have changed now.

The marriage is the important thing.

Gee thanks

My wedding was small. Under a grand being spent. Local church then local pub reception. 100 people mostly family as other half is one of 6).

We aren't all chavvy bridezillas thanks and were gutted ours was postponed

winniestone37 · 22/08/2020 08:35

Just blame Covid- life’s different now.

abstractprojection · 22/08/2020 08:40

Just explain to each person individually that due to Covid you are expecting to have a smaller wedding and that as much as you’d love to have them there you have to prioritise family or you’ve chosen to have a friends only and will do something for the family at a later date or won’t be inviting colleagues.

You do however have to pick a strategy for the cull so that it’s fair and not picking and choosing between of the same status

MsTSwift · 22/08/2020 09:04

You need to exclude entire groups. Say all the uni friends or all the school friends. Then it’s less hurtful than picking your favourites from each group.

YinuCeatleAyru · 22/08/2020 09:27

I think everyone would understand that pre-covid "save the date" requests will relate to plans that will almost certainly need to change in the context of an ongoing pandemic. so if you were rescinding the save the date because you could now only accommodate 20 guests that would be perfectly reasonable. what seems unreasonable to me is that the replacement plans involve going overseas. we have no idea how safe that will become next summer. maybe it will be ok but maybe not. if I was one of the uninvited I would feel nothing but good will towards you if the replacement plans were within the uk but my whole perception would change if I knew your replacement plans were so reckless.

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