to uninvite people from our wedding?

[holatous]

We sent out save the dates in January for our wedding next summer (less than a year now!).

Coronavirus exposed our venue to some pretty shady behaviour - refusal to refund any weddings, refusing contact, lots of publicity in the papers and court cases ahead. I don't know if the venue will remain viable by the time our wedding comes around and I am not wanting to deal with the stress. This wedding was also 5 hour drive from where we live (and majority of the party) and over more than one day as DP is the bridezilla in this scenario! It would have been fun but required a lot of planning and money and I don't think we will pull it off.

I started to think of alternative venues knowing at worst we'd lose our wedding deposit (£1.5k) but wanted to prepare. I found an amazing venue abroad that meets both our tastes. We visited recently and it was perfect, we love it. Overall it'll come in cheaper than the other wedding (including lost deposit) and would be more grand and in line with our tastes. We also get a planner etc so nothing it to be worried about by me!

The place is easy to access and return flights are £70, all our friends are jet setters. However, it is not a child-friendly wedding but neither was the one before.
Due to maximum capacity we can only have 30 people at our new venue, our original guestlist and save the dates were 50-60.

How would you 'uninvite' people? We were going to throw a party in the UK after for those that can't come.

Best etiquette is to univite everyone as that event is cancelled.

Later on, and I'd make it a lot later, not 3 weeks, you invite to new event the smaller group.

You can but be prepared to loose friends. I think it’s a bit tacky to Uninvite people.

Just send a card to all save the date people saying that due to covid you have decided its not a safe risk, however have decided on a destination wedding in xxx. You will get a few that will politely decline.

Why can't you get married in your home town/village?

I notice that you talked abut your friends being happy to travel abroad. What about family?

TBH you sound like the venue is more important to you than having your nearest and dearest attend

You sound rather self absorbed and bridezillaish.

Your niece isn't invited?

I get that your wedding is child free and that's completely your choice but you seriously wouldn't have your niece at your wedding?

The bride and groom can't pre-empt that you'll feel that way so they've probably invited you rather than maybe offend you by leaving you off the list

I think it’s obvious a wedding that needs two nights stay is going to add costs for guests.

I wouldn’t go to a wedding 5 hours away let alone one abroad at the minute!

It all sounds crackers to me. Nobody wants to either travel 5 hours for a wedding or go to a destination wedding. I get invited to them all the time and never go because it's just too tedious.
And.....all this during a pandemic that is not over yet.
Why cant you just have your wedding near home? I can see you losing a 2nd deposit too at this rate.

@dany174 yes, I'm not suggesting it would totally solve the problem. But if initially 60 guests were invited but now it needs to be 30, 10 drop outs would reduce the to-ing & fro-ing where you start with your 30 'a list' guests & then 5 of them decline because now it's abroad & a bit of a faff, so then you go to the 'b list'...

So long as you're totally upfront about 'it's going to have to be a smaller, family wedding' then it's helpful to know who would actually be more than happy NOT to attend.

The people who'd still like to come but don't make the cut have had the warning upfront - yes, Great Auntie Ethel or Dave from Uni might still be affronted, but at least you know you have eliminated people who were dreading it anyway.

Easy. Just say corona virus issues and other issues with previous location and you’re cancelling with the plan to hold a small ceremony elsewhere, followed by a celebration for everyone close to home.

You can’t uninvited people, .i would be very insulted. Are these friends who you want to celebrate your special day with or are you more concerned about putting on a show. I think your post already answered that one.I’m afraid you sound very superficial.

You could chose lots if alternative venues that would accommodate all your guests do you can’t use a fake excuse that you can only now find a venue for 30, you could also have booked abroad originally if it was that important to you.

I think the best you can hope for to send the new venue and hope that 25 people drop out, if not then you will need to find an alternative.

I wouldn't care less about being uninvited from a wedding, especially under these circumstances.

People will understand if you tell them you've lost money and now have to find somewhere else. Just say you've struggled to find somewhere and now you have you have a smaller guest list but you'll make it up to everyone with a UK party later (which you could make free-bar, then you'd really be forgiven!).

It's your wedding, do what you think is best.

I’m not one for children at weddings, but if it’s abroad and your guests have kids, it maybe seriously problematic for them

Could you say that due to everything that's happened, you've had to rethink where you can get married? And due to a lot of people moving their weddings from 2020 to 2021, unfortunately you've had to re-jig the numbers?

I wouldn't take it the wrong way if I was a guest.

If it's abroad, I don't think everybody on the original guest list would attend anyway! So you might have 30 people attending overall by inviting your original guest list (50-60ppl)

Many of your guests might be quite pleased to be "off the hook" meaning that they don't have to attend. Some people do find weddings, especially those that are 5 hours away, to be a bit of a chore.
I would just notify all the people you have invited that the wedding has now been cancelled due to covid, but don't mention a wedding abroad until a lot nearer the time.

You need to Dr ice what's most important to you. A marriage or a fancy schmancy wedding. If the latter it's all for the wrong reasons.

If you really want to be married get it sorted for late September and have a wonderful party for ALL those who mean more than an event as soon as Covid is over. The people who matter and who care will enjoy a hog roast or village hall as much as a posh do on the outer Med.

Used to be 6-8 weeks if people were free and wanted to go they went. If they weren't their diaries were respected. Our invites were sent late April. One couple couldn't make late June due to a holiday and one due to a family member's wedding. Obviously bridesmaids and ushers were asked 6 before the engagement was announced.

If Covid deals with the wedding industry and associated nonsense, that would be a jolly good thing.

FWIW OP we would have declined an overseas wedding regardless. And have.

I agree with the cancel and start again suggestions

I really wouldn’t count on flights remaining at the price you say they are at present

And as transport costs, and accommodation may be higher, plus risk of quarantine, then I think many guests will politely decline

No-one is going to want to risk 14 days lost quarantine income - so you might find you need to underwrite this for your key guests.

Zoom lottery. Ask everyone you invited to a zoom meeting - and then draw 30 names out of a hat. Only people who show up to the meeting go in the hat.

That's not what i would really do... I would tell the B list that due to covid you had to cut numbers & you will have a much bigger party next year, which you never organise.

You’ll struggle to argue you’re having to move your wedding to a venue abroad because of Covid. Isn’t that the opposite of what most people are doing right now?

Tell people you’ve had to cancel the original venue and are going to have a small wedding abroad and send them an invitation to the post-abroad party.

Bear in mind an abroad wedding next year is also likely to be cancelled. Might be best to pop to the register office and get the deed done, if you want to be married:

Honestly, no-one knows what will be happening this time next year, I think booking something abroad is risky. You might end up losing your deposit again, even if the venue honours any financial loss, if your guests all lose the money for their flights that's 30x£70, are you ok to refund them that too?

But yes as others have said, if you're definitely going ahead with the wedding abroad, just cancel this one and say you will let people know when you rearrange. Then send new invites in a few weeks to your priority guests. If you get any that decline you can add in others from the reserve list. Once all the places are taken, book a UK party and send them invites to that.

Cancelling the current arrangement seems fine. To then immediately send out save the dates or invite to a new wedding for around the same time but to only half the original invitees seems rude.

I would cancel current plans and then make lots of lumurring noises about being unsure what to do for the best and about lost money, can’t manage original plans etc. before sending out New invites in several months time along with apologies to those you can’t invite.

But I think you’re pretty foolish to plan on a wedding abroad for next year at this point. It just makes it more likely you’ll be messing your friends and family about again and that’s, at best, thoughtless.

Cancel all invites due to Covid, then re invite more selectively.