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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to uninvite people from our wedding?

162 replies

holatous · 20/08/2020 17:12

We sent out save the dates in January for our wedding next summer (less than a year now!).

Coronavirus exposed our venue to some pretty shady behaviour - refusal to refund any weddings, refusing contact, lots of publicity in the papers and court cases ahead. I don't know if the venue will remain viable by the time our wedding comes around and I am not wanting to deal with the stress. This wedding was also 5 hour drive from where we live (and majority of the party) and over more than one day as DP is the bridezilla in this scenario! It would have been fun but required a lot of planning and money and I don't think we will pull it off.

I started to think of alternative venues knowing at worst we'd lose our wedding deposit (£1.5k) but wanted to prepare. I found an amazing venue abroad that meets both our tastes. We visited recently and it was perfect, we love it. Overall it'll come in cheaper than the other wedding (including lost deposit) and would be more grand and in line with our tastes. We also get a planner etc so nothing it to be worried about by me!

The place is easy to access and return flights are £70, all our friends are jet setters. However, it is not a child-friendly wedding but neither was the one before.
Due to maximum capacity we can only have 30 people at our new venue, our original guestlist and save the dates were 50-60.

How would you 'uninvite' people? We were going to throw a party in the UK after for those that can't come.

OP posts:
readingismycardio · 21/08/2020 04:23

Covid.

Do it.

A wedding it's about YOURSELF, your husband to be and your immediate family.

Pixxie7 · 21/08/2020 05:30

We are in unprecedented times just explain that you have had to change the venue and your plans have changed. People will understand and if they don’t tough.

Pixxie7 · 21/08/2020 05:59

Ignorant means a lacking knowledge in general, uneducated. So yes it is rude.

Charleyhorses · 21/08/2020 06:17

Oh
Just do a "Cancel the Date" card
Something like
Due to issues created with the recent situation, we are cancelling our original plans so wanted to let you know. The 're booked event will be on a much smaller but we are planning a celebration party, details to follow.
Thanks for your understanding
Peace and Love

Charleyhorses · 21/08/2020 06:21

I do think you are bonkers conkers to be booking abroad for next year though but each to their own!

SarahBellam · 21/08/2020 06:29

I’d just cancel the first one due to COVID.

Then separately I’d book a ‘small intimate wedding’ - again keeping the numbers down due to COVID.

WhatInFreshHell · 21/08/2020 06:46

I really don't think you can cite 'Covid issues' as the reason for the original wedding being cancelled, and then book something abroad...that's just madness!

yikesanotherbooboo · 21/08/2020 06:58

Will you be taking on peoples out of pocket expenses if it gets cancelled eg flights, accommodation, quarantining?

JudgeRindersMinder · 21/08/2020 07:07

If you hadn’t sent out the save the dates so damn early this wouldn’t be an issue!
You need to consider that flights might be £70 if booked right now, but if an airline sniffs an increase in demand the fares go up too

Ginfordinner · 21/08/2020 07:23

@FuckwitMcGee

Seeing as this is AIBU, am I allowed to be honest?

Other peoples' weddings are boring as hell, a needless expense, and almost everyone has better things to do.

Free your intended victims, feel no guilt.

Only on MN do so many people hate weddings. I love a good wedding, but I only get invited to them about every 5 years or so, not 7 or 8 a year. I don't even know that many unmarried people.
NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 21/08/2020 07:23

I'd definitely blame it on Covid-19.

Remember though that the 30 wedding reception attendees also includes yourselves, the photographer and DJ (if applicable) and any other 3rd party suppliers (apart from the caterers) and not 30 guests.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-small-marriages-and-civil-partnerships/covid-19-guidance-for-wedding-and-civil-partnership-receptions-and-celebrations
See item 4.

Regularname · 21/08/2020 07:25

Yes to cancelling and then send new invitations. We do not know what restrictions will be in place so some people may say no due to worry about using leave for a holiday they may partly not enjoy. Might worry about Covid also I might not be worried about Covid if cases pretty low, but I’d still be very reluctant if I had to spend hours in airport and planes in a mask.

vegansprinkle · 21/08/2020 07:28

I would not plan a wedding abroad, nor would I plan a big wedding at the moment. I would cancel everything, blame Covid and then start from scratch.

Or. if you really really want to get married, have a quiet ceremony and a big party when there is less risk

Suzi888 · 21/08/2020 07:29

What @RealMermaid said.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 21/08/2020 07:30

If you hadn’t sent out the save the dates so damn early this wouldn’t be an issue!
This.

Other peoples' weddings are boring as hell, a needless expense, and almost everyone has better things to do.
This too. I enjoyed my own and my sisters' weddings but am honestly bored at all others. They simply don't mean anything to me , no matter how much I love my friends. I would much prefer to never have to go to one again.

Ginfordinner · 21/08/2020 09:37

Why do so many mumsnetters hate weddings so much?

I haven't been to a wedding for years, and the ones I have been to have been simple, happy, family affairs where the focus is not only on the bride and groom, but on everyone having a good time.

This was in the days before Instagram, wedding planners, expensive weddings abroad etc.

DocOfTheBay · 21/08/2020 09:41

Lots of people are saying they would be happy to be uninvited. Fine.

However MN is also full of people who are really hurt and upset not to have been invited to a wedding that other friends attended. And people will feel the exclusion even if they didn’t actually want to attend.

And it will be obvious, even if you cancel and then issue new invites later.

You are both Bridezillas, putting what you want out of a venue in front of who you want to share your day with and how considerate you are of their needs.

People will be aware that they have not made the list for the re-arranged wedding. So make your choice;
Find a venue here that accommodates everyone in a way that isn’t subject to COVID travel chaos
Retreat to a more defensible ‘tiny wedding’
Face the fact that 30 ish people will recognise that they weren’t invited to Plan B and probably cool on you significantly.

Winter2020 · 21/08/2020 09:51

I agree with other suggestions. Don't "uninvite" people. Write to cancel your save the date/wedding blaming the uncertainty of Corona. Then plan the new wedding afresh.

Ginfordinner · 21/08/2020 09:55

I can understand wanting a nice venue for a wedding, but I don't understand people who place more value on a venue for just one day, or a couple of days, than a happy occasion with loved ones who you hope to have in your life for a lot longer than just one day.

IMO far too many people put too much focus on the wedding, then everything afterwards is such an anticlimax.

Shemeanswell · 21/08/2020 09:56

We’ve just been on the receiving end of this, except we weren’t told. A mutual friend asked if we got the new invite for next year (we hadn’t). Awkward.

So if you’re going to do it, I think it’s pretty tacky, but your choice. Make sure you’re actually adult enough to have a conversation with the B-listers though, otherwise what kind of friend are you?

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 21/08/2020 10:09

I want to know where this luxurious and exclusive destination wedding venue is that has flights out costing only £70.

Polnm · 21/08/2020 10:21

@Ginfordinner

Why do so many mumsnetters hate weddings so much?

I haven't been to a wedding for years, and the ones I have been to have been simple, happy, family affairs where the focus is not only on the bride and groom, but on everyone having a good time.

This was in the days before Instagram, wedding planners, expensive weddings abroad etc.

Overseas weddings are the height of tacky
yolio · 21/08/2020 17:23

I think most people dread weddings, not because they dislike the couple at all, but dread the expense of something that can be a very expensive day out in the end.

That's my view anyway. Most people just grin and bear it and pay for it all, the journey, the hotel, the outfit, babysitting if needed, the shoes, the drinks (if no free bar), and so on, but secretly resent it. All for a meal and some dodgy speeches!

Covid will change this with smaller numbers etc. and secretly many will be quite relieved to be off the guest list. A suitable regret note/email and a cash gift will do now.

starfishmummy · 21/08/2020 18:13

Surely you're not uninviting? Only save the dates have been sent, thats a notice of intent not an invitation.

Just send out cancellations and start again later.

ittakes2 · 21/08/2020 18:13

I don’t think you can pull off saying you are cancelling a uk wedding due to covid...but instead due to Covid you are having it abroad! That’s just nuts and likely for your friends to think you are balmy!