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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to uninvite people from our wedding?

162 replies

holatous · 20/08/2020 17:12

We sent out save the dates in January for our wedding next summer (less than a year now!).

Coronavirus exposed our venue to some pretty shady behaviour - refusal to refund any weddings, refusing contact, lots of publicity in the papers and court cases ahead. I don't know if the venue will remain viable by the time our wedding comes around and I am not wanting to deal with the stress. This wedding was also 5 hour drive from where we live (and majority of the party) and over more than one day as DP is the bridezilla in this scenario! It would have been fun but required a lot of planning and money and I don't think we will pull it off.

I started to think of alternative venues knowing at worst we'd lose our wedding deposit (£1.5k) but wanted to prepare. I found an amazing venue abroad that meets both our tastes. We visited recently and it was perfect, we love it. Overall it'll come in cheaper than the other wedding (including lost deposit) and would be more grand and in line with our tastes. We also get a planner etc so nothing it to be worried about by me!

The place is easy to access and return flights are £70, all our friends are jet setters. However, it is not a child-friendly wedding but neither was the one before.
Due to maximum capacity we can only have 30 people at our new venue, our original guestlist and save the dates were 50-60.

How would you 'uninvite' people? We were going to throw a party in the UK after for those that can't come.

OP posts:
june2007 · 20/08/2020 20:04

I would appologise but say due to the current climate and a change of location we have to have a smaller wedding. I think people should understad at the moment.

Jayaywhynot · 20/08/2020 20:12

Yup, uninvite as many as you can!
I'm paying for my daughters wedding & at £70 a plate if anyone even so much as looks at me sideways between now and the big day they are getting their arses uninvited! Grin
Seriously tho (I am serious about uninviting people) you are sensible to keep the cost down and throw a party afterwards, in these uncertain times people will understand

Original poster
holatous · 20/08/2020 20:21

@Cheesypea it's a contract and the venue is world renowned - I think their reputation is at risk so would be fine

OP posts:
Original poster
holatous · 20/08/2020 20:23

@Feminist10101 apart from being super keen, because it was a whole weekend far away and no kids allowed so it was to allow for prep!

OP posts:
Original poster
holatous · 20/08/2020 20:24

@Ginfordinner I like the venue and it's important to us. Travel is also something we do a lot of as a couple and is important.

All family were part of the decision and they encouraged us to book abroad. Only parents and siblings are the family we have

OP posts:
Original poster
holatous · 20/08/2020 20:28

The ones who would not be invited any more are old friends of DP's (I only ever had 15 on my list) who he never speaks to but were invited as we attended theirs!

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 20/08/2020 20:29

God knows what will happen next year we have spent the last few weeks dodging round Europe to avoid the quarantine countries literally changing plans with days to go no way would we commit to anything next year (experienced confident travellers). Madness.

ParisianLady · 20/08/2020 20:30

I can't imagine a scenario in which I would rather a fancy venue than having my closest people with me.

We are also international types. Lots of travel. And I really dislike the imposition and expense of international weddings, particularly those when the main factor is more grandeur for less personal expense to the bride and groom.

So essentially, I personally wouldn't do what you're doing, I think it's pretty awful. And I think it's daft to be booking an international wedding next year, completely ridiculous tbh.

If you are going ahead, and it sounds like you are, then tell everyone you're downsizing due to Corona. Or, the truth 'we prefer this prettier wedding, and we'd rather the venue than you', but I'd doubt you'd do that.

mumonthehill · 20/08/2020 20:31

We have just been uninvited from a wedding in October, although I really do understand due to Covid but it does make you feel quite hurt that you did not make the cut.

GammyLeg · 20/08/2020 20:31

Booking a wedding abroad sounds like madness - what happens if guests are required to quarantine for two weeks on return etc?

Original poster
holatous · 20/08/2020 20:33

@ParisianLady the people uninvited aren't people we consider nearest and dearest, they're political invites.

Our nearest and dearest totals 30 who we have discussed the possibility with and all seem on board

OP posts:
Original poster
holatous · 20/08/2020 20:33

@GammyLeg I am an optimist

OP posts:
ParisianLady · 20/08/2020 20:39

I can't believe that you would invite 15 people you never speak to in the first place, particularly when you're wedding is so small.

Ditch them if you want to, sounds like you want to and that they shouldn't have been invited in the first place, but I absolutely would in no way be considering an international wedding at the moment. You'll be spending months worrying about Corona, expensive flights, quarantine going off and on, watching case numbers rise and fall.

We aren't planning any international travel at all, and if we do go anywhere it will be last minute.

If you want to get married, book your closest local venue and a pub for a drink afterwards. Expecting people to fly anywhere at the moment is bad form.

And of course they're being positive about it. But think about what they're likely saying about it behind your back

MsTSwift · 20/08/2020 20:53

We on driving trip in last 2 days switched from Croatia to Italy no way would we commit in advance to anything now. Travel has to be flexible going forward. Would never pre book a package again you need to be fleet footed in this new world

TheHalloweenFairy · 20/08/2020 21:01

I’ve just been uninvited to a wedding. ex SIL who I have always got along with brilliantly, explained it away as covid restrictions not allowing them to have as many people as they would like anymore. But they’re only having 15. Just be honest with the guests instead of bullshitting them. Trust me, that bloody hurts.

ILoveFood87 · 20/08/2020 21:02

Agree blame covid

frogswimming · 20/08/2020 21:10

@RealMermaid

I wouldn't "uninvite" - I would formally write to all guests to cancel the wedding and let everyone know you are reviewing your options. Then a bit later I would send invites to the new wedding.
I agree with this.

It'd be really rude to 'uninvite' people. This is why save the dates are a crap idea.

But I wouldn't be booking a wedding abroad next year either. Are you mad! Will wedding insurance cover cancellation......

frogswimming · 20/08/2020 21:18

I have received a save the date then not been invited to the wedding. I did judge the couple tbh. I wasn't bothered about not being invited. I did then think the couple were rude, tacky and disorganised though.

Ginfordinner · 20/08/2020 22:48

You are the kind of bride that frequently gets written about on AIBU.

nanbread · 20/08/2020 22:57

Your wedding venue might be Corona proof but the accommodation and flights and life arrangements of those due to attend may not be.

Personally I think it's crazy and dare I say thoughtless to arrange a wedding abroad at the moment with so much up in the air. Your friends may be able to afford it now but that could change. There was a story in the news this week of a woman who went from a 6 figure salary last year, to surviving on UC today.

(I'm not a fan of the wedding abroad with no genuine connection to the destination or venue either. It's a bit... naff?)

SnackSizeRaisin · 20/08/2020 23:09

I think it's a bit disingenuous to cancel a UK wedding due to uncertainty over covid, but book one abroad instead! Clearly the reason for cancelling is unrelated to covid - it's just that you have gone off the original venue for whatever reason, and think abroad will be cheaper (for you but obviously not for the guests!).
Some of the people who get uninvited might be quite offended! Perhaps you can invite everyone and hope that several want to don't come? There are bound to be several who can't make it if it's abroad, whether for annual leave or cost reasons

hibbledobble · 20/08/2020 23:31

I wouldn't "uninvite" - I would formally write to all guests to cancel the wedding and let everyone know you are reviewing your options. Then a bit later I would send invites to the new wedding.

This!

Also, having a wedding abroad at this time is madness, and much worse than 5 hours away. It's not just the £70 flight, but guests need to pay for accomodation on top. It's also incredibly environmentally unfriendly..

BluebellsGreenbells · 21/08/2020 00:39

thoughtless to arrange a wedding abroad at the moment with so much up in the air

Except airplanes!

PerveenMistry · 21/08/2020 00:59

Separate the two events.

Cancel the first with apologies to all invitees.

Then organise the second event, with its own guest list and logistics. "Oh, we had to keep it to family only due to Covid," should anyone ask.

FuckwitMcGee · 21/08/2020 01:41

Seeing as this is AIBU, am I allowed to be honest?

Other peoples' weddings are boring as hell, a needless expense, and almost everyone has better things to do.

Free your intended victims, feel no guilt.

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