Has anyone had a positive birth experience?

[PileofToss]

DH and I are currently TTC.

I’ve had a phobia of pregnancy and birth since before I can remember, not helped by the fact my only close friends who have had babies have all had really horrific experiences.

Of course I know that the end result is a baby and I shouldn’t be getting myself worked up before I’m even pregnant, but I just can’t help the constant fear.

Does anyone have any positive birth experiences they’re happy to share, or any advice?

If I do manage to get pregnant then I will speak to a professional about my issues, but just for now I’d like to hear some real examples of births which aren’t quite so gory

First two were two hours each and two pushes. Gas and air for the second for about ten minutes. Third was back to back with head in the wrong angle. That was five hours and a couple of pushes. Gas and air only.

Sorry, hit post too soon!

Meant to sum up, saying it is personal choice and obviously it can go one way or the other. But, I FEEL, (very unscientific), as if I'd maybe have been better with a home birth. And also paid help (no family help available to us at all) for after. We aren't planning any more dcs, but if we had any, I'd definitely get help for afterwards!

I was 28 when I had ds, healthy bmi, no ongoing health issues. I found that I had really low iron levels and I could barely do anything. I was shattered. I ended up on iron tablets and that resolved that, and had a nice easy pregnancy. I did have back pain when sat at my desk at work, but again a back rest worked wonders and was easily resolved.
Labour took maybe 24 hours from first contractions to actual child. Hospital staff were all lovely and they were happy to let me stay from about 4cm, this was partly because I kept throwing up and at every contraction and they were pretty quiet, so had the space. They gave me something for the vomiting and just left me in the room and checked on me every so often. I did have an epidural which I wanted anyway and everything went as it should. (I did have a student midwife)
Aftercare was good and they were great. No after birth health issues and the health visitor was really good, helpful when I needed her to be, and when they realised I was fine they left me to it. Gave me the details to various groups etc.

Not my birth story but my best friends, I was her second birth partner along with husband. She had a lovely second birth, we laughed for the majority of it (humour is an excellent coping strategy). Her midwife and her student midwife were so attentive and funny too, and it all just worked so nice. She thought she wanted an epidural but in the end did it with gas and air and chocolate buttons. You hear the horror stories because they're more interesting but you can have a nice birth experience (it will hurt, but there are options for that!) the Perinatal mental health team are brilliant, and usually bigger hospitals have midwives specialising in birth phobia, you will get brilliant support you just have to be so honest. Speak to your GP or practice nurse whilst TTC and they may be able to ease your concerns and refers you for counselling. DBT or CBT could be really helpful but waiting lists can be long so the quicker you can be referred the better! My counsellor (well psychologist) was amazing at getting me over a phobia of masks after PTSD when I was a child, I never thought it would work but it did. Good luck TTC lovely.

Mine was bloody brilliant. Waters went at 37 weeks, induction booked for the next day. I was high risk as gestational diabetes so always knew I’d be giving birth in hospital.

On the day I had the pessary and 6 hours of mild contractions but nothing to write home about. DP and I watched box sets in our hospital room and snacked!

Midwife confirmed that I’d need to go up the delivery suite and be put on the drip. I said I wanted an epidural first (was on my notes I wanted one anyway). Midwife arranged for anaesthetist to meet us there and it was administered.

Then I slept on and off for the next 6 hours while DP napped in a chair. Had private room and loo. Midwife woke me up to push. Three pushes and she was out with only a minor tear and no pain.

This was at 6am. I was fed lovely food and checked on until discharged that afternoon (I wasn’t breastfeeding so no need to worry about getting that going).

All in all very pleasant, as far as these things go. Hope yours works our positive too!

You're not being unreasonable, it is daunting! But there are many more positive experiences than negative ones. The positive ones just get less publicity!
I felt sick for about half of my pregnancy but was never actually sick. Had no complications at all.
Had a straightforward vaginal birth with some absolutely amazing midwives to help me along - honestly we are so lucky to have the NHS midwives .
You can do it girl. And you'll prove to yourself how amazing and strong you are. And if something happens that you hadn't planned for, there are SO MANY people and organisations there to provide support.
Best of luck honey - keep communicating - have confidence x

Elective C because my son was breach position late on.

Wouldn’t even consider a vaginal birth, were I ever to do it again.

My first wasnt great through no ones fault but we all came through it healthy and all in one piece.

My second one was a water home birth with hypnobirthing and was pretty much textbook. Went like clockwork, not too rushed, no dramas whatsoever. Yes it hurt a bit but it never felt like it was out of my control or I couldnt do it.

Im not having anymore (I hope) but Ive been left with a positive view of childbirth which, after the first go, is something.

I had three really easy and quick births. I took 2 paracetamol at the beginning of my second labour and no pain relief for the other two. I was lucky to have exactly the type of births I had hoped for.

Dc2 was a lovely homebirth - fast but calm with a wonderful midwife. It hurt (sorry!) but at no point did it feel unmanageable and I had gas and air to take the edge off. I felt completely in control throughout and afterwards I was able to settle in my own bed with my beautiful new baby

I loved giving birth to DD. She was back to back and I had a long latent labour and it was all quite high risk. I had pethidine, gas and air and an epidural.

It was really calm and lovely, pushed her out in 20 minutes and it was amazing. If you’re scared or feel like you can’t cope (you might be okay!) just take the pain relief. In the scheme of things it’s a very small part of your life and then breastfeeding is the next hurdle!

Both my DC were waterbirths in midwide-led units and both were about twelve hours start to finish. The pain was indeed The Worst Thing Ever and I tore a bit with both births, but as childbirth goes it really wasn't too bad. I didn't really have any fixed expectations to be honest. I ended up with low intervention births despite not being particularly fussed about having a low intervention birth. I honestly think that the kind off birth you have is more luck of the draw than we like to think it is. I also - controversial opinion here - think we build it up into something it maybe isn't meant to be? No it isn't necessarily going to be a deeply spiritual blah blah experience, and yes your birth plan will quite possibly vanish out the window. It can be a means to an end and thats ok. Mine are 8 & 5 now and I'd say I go years at a time without remembering it!

Just to add that I did have gas & air both times and that stuff is AWESOME. I was sooo high

I've had two children and both were great births. Short labours, water births with gas and air at the end. My second was a home birth and it was wonderful, I felt so calm and it felt very safe

What was helpful to me was reading a lot about birth and teaching myself relaxation, breathing techniques and affirmations (hypnobirthing if you like, but I didn't do a formal course), being aware of things like the fear-tension-pain cycle, and making sure what I did and where I was were conducive to get the oxytocin flowing (for me, being in a calm, dark, quiet safe environment).

My second was beautiful.

The day before I had a cold and was feel very fed up. I was 2 days overdue as well.

That night I couldn't sleep but was tired. I got up to the loo about 2:30 am and grumped to my online mum group about feeling so rubbish.

20 mins later I had a contraction that got me up and woke husband up. He knew baby was coming.

We got mil over to watch our toddler and went to the birth centre. I arrived at 4 am.

I had the same midwife who delivered my son. She'd been fantastic with him and I was so pleased to see her.

I got into the pool and got my gas and air. It was so nice labouring in there. Some contractions didn't hurt at all.

Then I got the urge to push so I did. My waters went nice and clear. I pushed a bit more and my gorgeous girl was born at 5:30. I'd been in labour less than 3 hours and only 37 mins according to my paperwork.

I had no tears which surprised me as I tore with my first and I'd assumed it would happen again (on that note a third degree tear and no tear felt the same)

She fed beautifully 45 mins after she was born.

We were home by 11 am that morning.

@ohnonotyetplease thank you for your message, that’s so kind.

I know thousands of women do it and not all experiences can be horrific, I think I’ve just heard the worst things (as everyone says is usual!)

I really do feel a lot more confident, I just wish I could banish the fear-thoughts from my head! But this has all helped so so much, honestly 💜

I had a positive birth experience but it didn't feel like it in the moment. I certainly wasn't floating around on a beautiful oxytocin cloud like the hypnobirth lot had me expecting 😂 my waters broke when i was seven days overdue. I went into labour two hours later, and she was born 8 hours after that. First stage was agony until I got the gas and air (magic stuff), second stage wasn't very painful but it was quite long and intense. She got a bit stuck so I needed an episiotomy and a kiwi cup, which was over in no time and was the least stressful part of it all! The episiotomy healed super quickly and never gave me any problems

I had an amazing home birth. My waters broke and my body started involuntarily pushing 8lb baby out. That was the first I realised that I was in labour. Over in minutes and completely pain free. I would even go as far as to say the pushing sensations were very pleasant.

My first was pretty horrendous, so much so it took me four years to get over it and feel able to TTC again but (bear with me, OP! I have a point, I promise!) despite everything that went wrong I have to say that the care I received was truly excellent. It was a loooong labour so I had three different midwives, two student nurses and three different medics who looked after me during the process and I could not fault any of them for the way they treated me or the decisions that were made. The Midwifery student who was there when DD was actually born sticks in my memory in particular. She was just wonderfully supportive and despite being the least experienced person in the room, she seemed to know instinctively what to say to DH and I to keep us both from panicking. So even though the experience was objectively shit (I'll spare you the gory details) I firmly believe that my baby and I were in safe hands throughout. It was no-ones fault, I was just unlucky. While I was pregnant, my biggest fear about childbirth was tearing as I'd heard so many horror stories about birth injuries. But although I did tear, the recovery was basically a non-issue. The Doctor who did my 6 week postnatal check informed me that the junior doctor who did the suturing had done "a beautiful job" and I guess she was right as everything healed really well and very quickly, no lasting effects whatsoever. I also have friends who have had lovely, calm straightforward births even with complicated or 'high risk' pregnancies so I know that my experience was not typical.

My second birth was completely different from the first. Much more relaxed. I remember it fondly and I'd go as far as to say that emotionally speaking it was a 'healing' experience after my first. My waters broke at about 2am. I had experienced some contractions on and off all evening but the pain was so mild (I would say discomfort rather than pain actually) that I didn't realise it was labour. I thought I'd just eaten too much Chinese takeaway! There was meconium in my waters but I didn't panic as friends had experienced this and everything turned out fine so I wasn't too concerned. We called my parents who came over to mind DD and I called the hospital to let them know we were coming and about the meconium. Again, the care I received was excellent. They monitored me continuosly due to the meconium but baby was showing no signs of distress and they weren't worried. This labour wasn't as long as my first, it was 19 hours from my waters breaking to DS being born. The contractions were still really painful once they got going but nowhere near as bad as my first. I remember laughing and chatting away with the midwife and DH in between contractions in the early stages. Although the pain wasn't yet unmanageable, I still decided on an epidural this time as the contractions were definitely ramping up, G&A just makes me vom and I had a bad experience on Pethidine with my first. The epidural was fantastic!... while it laste. Although it unfortunately wore off just before I had to push which wasn't ideal, it allowed me to keep feeling calm and in control during my labour so I am very glad I had it. I won't lie, the actual pushing him out bit was excruciating but it was over very quickly. I remember saying to DH "I can't do it, he'll just have to stay where he is" But a couple of pushes later he was out! I only pushed for ten minutes in total and then it was all over and I had my gorgeous boy...and no tearing this time, despite him being quite a bit bigger than my first.

Planned C section due to breech baby (didn't find out till late in pregnancy unfortunately) I would have another planned c section it was fab. Staff were wonderful it was calm and relaxing (despite my nerves!)

People will always talk about how horrific labour and birth was! The positive birth company were brilliant even though I didn't have a natural birth I still used their techniques during the c section to remain nice and calm

I had 2 very easy births. No 1 no pain relief at all. Arrived hospital 12:45am. Got in gown, filled in form, taken down to delivery. She was born at 1:40.
No 2 went in at 14:00 as everyone panicked as I was so quick first time. Got there at shift change so had to wait around 20 mins. Had a bath in the delivery room. Tried gas and air cos I thought I had missed out on something last time as everyone said it was great, but I didn’t need it. She was born at 15:50. Both were a decent weight just under 7lbs. I am no martyr and take paracetamol at first signs of a headache but was absolutely fine. Easy peasy! The next 18 years though well, that was the real hard work. Good luck!!!

Planned a hypnobirthing water birth all natural etc

Ended up being induced epidural an EMCS

Still came out smiling and look back on it so fondly and positively

I do believe the most positive births are ones where the mum is fully informed of all options and the hospital procedure

For example, my options were either totally natural or c section, I didn't want forceps etc

My second birth (natural water birth, bit of gas and air) was so easy and enjoyable I'd do it again any day of the week. I felt in control, really trusted my body and while it was intense it genuinely didn't hurt. Ah I loved it!

Two lovely water births: first in midwife led centre, second at home. Did hypnobirthing CD and stayed active and upright for as much of birth as possible, also had an absolute angel of a midwife the first time who just made the whole thing so calm and lovely.

I have two children. I was terrified of giving birth when I was first pregnant. DC 1, birth was fine - nothing amazing, but no issues. DC2 was a lovely birth, very fast, but I really felt empowered and it actually made me want to do it again (except that I don't want any more kids!).

If you're able to access counselling from any source, do it. It really helped me to prepare and to be more positive about the whole thing.